Author Topic: Most Badass Figures of History  (Read 4139 times)

Jubal

  • Megadux
    Executive Officer
  • Posts: 22460
  • Karma: 102
  • Awards Awarded for oustanding services to Exilian!
    • View Profile
    • Awards
Re: Most Badass Figures of History
« Reply #15 on: July 14, 2013, 10:35:05 PM »
That is moderately disturbing. I guess if one's going to be a villain and murder people horribly, at least getting known as "The Blood Countess" is something to show for it...?

I've got some genuine additions:
Baldwin IV of Jerusalem, the leper king. Had one of the most debilitating diseases in history, still ruled his kingdom very effectively for about six years until he was blind and couldn't walk, that period including the total loss of function in his sword-arm, which he responded to by learning to fight left handed.

Enrico Dandolo, doge of Venice at the time of the Fourth Crusade. For those who don't know, the Fourth was the one that went wrong. Really wrong. The intention was to take a Venetian fleet to Egypt and capture it with Frankish knights, but this didn't exactly happen, mostly because not enough Crusaders turned up to pay the Venetians.

The Crusade thus ended up capturing parts of the Dalmatian coast for Venice, then taking a load of Aegean islands for Venice on their way to Constantinople where in exchange for help in a coup a deposed Emperor had offered huge amounts of money, to be used to pay the Venetians. This ended with the Emperors all being overthrown and replaced with a candidate backed by Venice.

This entire episode was not masterminded by an energetic, domineering-looking doge in the prime of his life. It was masterminded by a blind eighty year old man named Enrico Dandolo. In retrospect for Europe in general and particularly Byzantium the crusade was A Bad Thing, but for the Venetians at the time they'd just pulled off the biggest trade coup in history, including pulling down an entire Empire pretty much just to open up the Black Sea trade routes, and not only this people were paying them to do it. Magnificent Bastard of history award at the very least.
The duke, the wanderer, the philosopher, the mariner, the warrior, the strategist, the storyteller, the wizard, the wayfarer...

Scarlet

  • Citizens
    Voting Member
  • Posts: 1256
  • Karma: 16
    • View Profile
    • Awards
Re: Most Badass Figures of History
« Reply #16 on: July 14, 2013, 11:15:00 PM »
I'm not sure about the exclusively virgin or the bathing in the blood bit.. But massive serial killing yes! (I have a slightly worrying obsession with this stuff o.O)
like a bruise that would never go away, but she would cherish it for ever.

gellthîr i melethron nîn

nínim in menil

Jubal

  • Megadux
    Executive Officer
  • Posts: 22460
  • Karma: 102
  • Awards Awarded for oustanding services to Exilian!
    • View Profile
    • Awards
Re: Most Badass Figures of History
« Reply #17 on: July 14, 2013, 11:31:18 PM »
I just always found serial killing kind of weird, creepy and disturbing and just generally something I don't want to dwell on too much. A lot of people do seem to get quite fascinated by it though.
The duke, the wanderer, the philosopher, the mariner, the warrior, the strategist, the storyteller, the wizard, the wayfarer...

Scarlet

  • Citizens
    Voting Member
  • Posts: 1256
  • Karma: 16
    • View Profile
    • Awards
Re: Most Badass Figures of History
« Reply #18 on: July 14, 2013, 11:57:33 PM »
Weird, creepy and disturbing, yes. I agree.
like a bruise that would never go away, but she would cherish it for ever.

gellthîr i melethron nîn

nínim in menil

Silver Wolf

  • Megas Domestikos
    Voting Member
  • Posts: 4579
  • Karma: 40
    • View Profile
    • Awards
Re: Most Badass Figures of History
« Reply #19 on: July 15, 2013, 09:19:25 AM »
I've heard of "The Blood Countess" before.
Genuinely fascinating.

Jubal, your additions are also great.
"Less of a young professional - more of an ancient amateur. But frankly, I'm an absolute dream."

Lady Grey

  • Heteriarch
    Community and Clerisy Officer
  • Posts: 1110
  • Karma: 8
    • View Profile
    • Awards
Re: Most Badass Figures of History
« Reply #20 on: July 15, 2013, 09:48:53 AM »
Hahaha, love the additions :p

What about Giacomo Casanova?
He seems to have done a bit of everything, and David Tennant played him once. :p

Clockwork

  • Charming Prince of Darkness
  • Citizens
    Voting Member
  • Posts: 1914
  • Karma: 16
  • Bitter? Me? portugal no, I think it's hilarious.
    • View Profile
    • Awards
Re: Most Badass Figures of History
« Reply #21 on: July 15, 2013, 10:25:07 PM »
Edward Teach aka Blackbeard, wove cannon fuses into his bead and lit them before raids, before boarding and whilst keeping his crew locked in the brig. Despite only standing 5' 6" (okay he was a giant for that time) it took 23 stab wounds and 6 pistol shots to finally kill him. Pirates are worse shots than stormtroopers evidently. Tough SoB but not quite the same as the next guy.

Rasputin, some say he might even be alive today. Those people are crazy or idiots, he's dead but it took a hell of a lot to do the job. First, cyanide poisoned cakes, a shot through the back of the head, when he then got up and tried to strangle his attacker he was beaten with clubs and shot 3 more times. After that he was bound and thrown into an icy lake. Post mortem showed that the cause of death was drowning. That, friends, is truly badass.

Once you realize what a joke everything is, being the Comedian is the only thing that makes sense.


Jubal

  • Megadux
    Executive Officer
  • Posts: 22460
  • Karma: 102
  • Awards Awarded for oustanding services to Exilian!
    • View Profile
    • Awards
Re: Most Badass Figures of History
« Reply #22 on: July 15, 2013, 10:32:10 PM »
I don't think the height difference was so significant that 5ft6 would have been giant by any means; roughly average at best. Given the modern UK average is 5ft11 and 5ft6 is about average for men in really malnourished countries...

It's also my own height. :P


As to Rasputin I think there's been a lot of debate over the veracity of the stories about his death, though I can't remember the details. Generally weird as hell though.
The duke, the wanderer, the philosopher, the mariner, the warrior, the strategist, the storyteller, the wizard, the wayfarer...

Phoenixguard09

  • Megas Domestikos
    Voting Member
  • Posts: 3449
  • Karma: 19
  • Spiffy Haired One
  • Awards Awarded for outstanding services to Exilian!
    • View Profile
    • Awards
Re: Most Badass Figures of History
« Reply #23 on: October 31, 2016, 02:49:15 PM »
Big fan of King Baldwin IV.

King Jan Sobieski of Poland. Broke the siege of Vienna at the head of his charging hussaria.
Yes I am! Assholefaceman!
By the power of Ga'haarr I command you to vanish! VANISH!
I CANNOT BE KILLED BUT WITH FIRE!
(\__/)
(='.'=) This is Bunny. Copy and paste bunny into your
(")_(") signature to help him gain world domination

Crazier than a crack-head cat and here to make sticky treats out of your vital organs.
FEAR ME AND MY INDISCRIMINATE BAN-HAMMER, HORRIBLE EYESIGHT AND TOTAL DISREGARD FOR INTERNET RIGHTS!

Pentagathus

  • King of the Wibulnibs
  • Posts: 2402
  • Karma: 17
    • View Profile
    • Awards
Re: Most Badass Figures of History
« Reply #24 on: October 31, 2016, 05:03:21 PM »
Big Bad Pent, nth of his name..

Jubal

  • Megadux
    Executive Officer
  • Posts: 22460
  • Karma: 102
  • Awards Awarded for oustanding services to Exilian!
    • View Profile
    • Awards
Re: Most Badass Figures of History
« Reply #25 on: November 30, 2016, 11:00:58 PM »
I wish to submit for consideration the random Danube ferryman in the 1140s who was ordered to ferry Manuel I Komnenos over the river, and more or less told him to bugger off until he'd sorted out the local Cuman raiders. Not exactly the most high-grade military toughness, but a hell of a ballsy move nonetheless (and it worked, for that matter).
The duke, the wanderer, the philosopher, the mariner, the warrior, the strategist, the storyteller, the wizard, the wayfarer...

Phoenixguard09

  • Megas Domestikos
    Voting Member
  • Posts: 3449
  • Karma: 19
  • Spiffy Haired One
  • Awards Awarded for outstanding services to Exilian!
    • View Profile
    • Awards
Re: Most Badass Figures of History
« Reply #26 on: December 06, 2016, 03:57:55 AM »
That's pretty cool.
Yes I am! Assholefaceman!
By the power of Ga'haarr I command you to vanish! VANISH!
I CANNOT BE KILLED BUT WITH FIRE!
(\__/)
(='.'=) This is Bunny. Copy and paste bunny into your
(")_(") signature to help him gain world domination

Crazier than a crack-head cat and here to make sticky treats out of your vital organs.
FEAR ME AND MY INDISCRIMINATE BAN-HAMMER, HORRIBLE EYESIGHT AND TOTAL DISREGARD FOR INTERNET RIGHTS!

Phoenixguard09

  • Megas Domestikos
    Voting Member
  • Posts: 3449
  • Karma: 19
  • Spiffy Haired One
  • Awards Awarded for outstanding services to Exilian!
    • View Profile
    • Awards
Re: Most Badass Figures of History
« Reply #27 on: December 06, 2016, 04:08:43 AM »
My own addition, who is not a historical figure as such, but is still awesome, M3 the Wolverine.
http://www.badassoftheweek.com/index.cgi?id=535838729020
Yes I am! Assholefaceman!
By the power of Ga'haarr I command you to vanish! VANISH!
I CANNOT BE KILLED BUT WITH FIRE!
(\__/)
(='.'=) This is Bunny. Copy and paste bunny into your
(")_(") signature to help him gain world domination

Crazier than a crack-head cat and here to make sticky treats out of your vital organs.
FEAR ME AND MY INDISCRIMINATE BAN-HAMMER, HORRIBLE EYESIGHT AND TOTAL DISREGARD FOR INTERNET RIGHTS!

Clockwork

  • Charming Prince of Darkness
  • Citizens
    Voting Member
  • Posts: 1914
  • Karma: 16
  • Bitter? Me? portugal no, I think it's hilarious.
    • View Profile
    • Awards
Re: Most Badass Figures of History
« Reply #28 on: December 06, 2016, 09:46:58 AM »
Honey Badgers and Wolverines are insane :D
Once you realize what a joke everything is, being the Comedian is the only thing that makes sense.


BearKnight

  • Guest
Re: Most Badass Figures of History
« Reply #29 on: December 06, 2016, 01:09:51 PM »
Ned Kelly is probably the best I can think of, I'm not all too familiar with historical figures.