Missive sent to Emperor Dimos via another trusted messenger.
"Greetings Emperor Dimos,
Ruler of the Hill Empire,
How dare you sir, impugn upon my right to rule and the skill and ferocity of the Wombat Legions and withdraw the graciously offered gifts from their respective owners. If you will not grant those gifts to their rightful possessors, I will send in the fabled Bilby Shadow Walkers to re-take them and present them to the offended parties. You have been warned and it will be the pleasure of my troops to demonstrate to you the few weaknesses in your castle's defence.
If you refuse the hand of friendship I have no choice but to extend nothing but my deepest condolences towards your lack of reason.
It is through the desire for peace that I offer the gift of trade and prosperity between our realms, not through any attempt to destabilise your Empire. If you do not see the benefit trade with Jimbobland will give you, then perhaps you lack the foresight required to be a successful ruler.
Your misguided statements about the existence of only one hill just show your lack of reason. In the whole world, you seriously postulate there is but one hill? Madness!
Jimbobland may be relatively small but this realm is growing at a phenomenal rate, with citizens eager to push for a brighter tomorrow with peace and prosperity for all. It is not through any wrong-headed lust for power or ambition that I resist your tyrannical rule but through a desire for autonomy. We may not be powerful enough to emerge victorious against your hordes but with the added forces of Mark Khan's fleet and cavalry, Jimbobland's Wombat Legions will drain your Empire dry.
Cordially Yours,
King Phoenix, Lord of Jimbobland, He of the Spiffy Hat and Hair."
Missive sent to Admiral Mark Khan via yet another trusted messenger upon a Salty.
"It is with great pleasure that I accept your fealty as a Lord of this great realm. I hereby grant you lordship of the Port City which has been appropriately been renamed Khanville. From here you will be able to oversee the success of our mighty fleets. In addition it is my sincere delight to present to you a fully outfitted ship of the line, replete with a hardy and disciplined Kangacrew, multiple cannon ports and Salty dispersal points at the stern to allow you to deploy the shock weapon of the Jimbobland Navy against any foe you meet.
Please send word if these arrangements are not to your satisfaction and I will see to it that the funds of Jimbobland are put to fulfilling your needs.
In addition to this, I must express my thanks in your efforts to discovering the landmass of Terra Australis. I will enter negotiations with the nearby Warlord Jubal as to his position in any upcoming conflict.
In my first royal decree to you as my faithful subject, I request that you make port in Khanville so as to be on hand should trouble arise. I trust that your famed Mongol Cavalry, have joined you in your valourous quest to join with us? If so I will grant you full access to the Wombat Legion's Armoury so as to make sure that your forces are equipped to the highest standard.
Kind regards,
King Phoenix, Your Liege-Lord, He of the Spiffy Hat and Hair."
Missive sent to the Warlord Jubal via a trusted and particularly brave messenger who has had to cross large distances upon Emuback.
"Greetings Warlord Jubal,
I have recently come into possession of a great deal of land, a whole new landmass which has been discovered by my recently acquired Admiral, the famed and feared Mark Khan. As it is in the interests of both our realms to be tied closely by friendship, I propose that Jimbobland grant you and your realm land upon the coast of this newly discovered Terra Australis. I am sure that this will lead to a great era of trade between our realms.
I await your response with eagerness,
Kind regards,
King Phoenix, Lord of Jimbobland, He of the Spiffy Hat and Hair."
Missive sent to Emperor Dimos via trusted messenger.
"Greetings Emperor Dimos,
With regret I must bring into question your sanity. It appears to me, as ruler of Jimbobland and so therefore, your equal in matters of respect that power has corrupted your worthy cause. It cannot be denied that your goals are to be admired however your methods in obtaining them speak of a lack of restraint.
Power corrupts. Absolute power corrupts absolutely.
You may consider the Admiral Mark Khan a traitor but he is only doing what he believes to be just. A traitor to your cause he may be, but an honourable man he remains. He refused to betray his principals and has chosen to live as a good man in both peace and war.
If you wish to enter hostilities with us, we will treat you honourably as a worthy foe. If you recant your aggressive and insulting statements, we will treat you as a friend and ally, allowing our realms to enter into a joint golden age.
As the old Jimbobland saying goes, "Mess not with the Wombat, for they are nasty and quick to anger."
Kind regards,
King Phoenix, Lord of Jimbobland, He of the Spiffy Hat and Hair."
I bribe your huge and oppressed army of exclamation marks to revolt against you, and they destroy you before running away to a better life.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ("Onward!") !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ("Where are we going, guys?") !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ("I don't know, I thought you knew.") !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ("They may stop us punctuating but they will never take our FREEDOM!") !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ("Exclamation marks FTW!") !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(See?)
Then I take the hill over with one fullstop.
My Hill.
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DWARVES DEFEAT EVERYONE
MY HILL
But I have more ents! My hill!
:ents: :ents: :ents: :ents: :ents: :ents: :ents: :ents: :ents: :ents: :ents: :ents: :ents: :ents: :ents: :ents: :ents: :ents: :ents: :ents: :ents: :ents: :ents: :ents: :ents: :ents: :ents: :ents: :ents: :ents: :ents: :ents: :ents: :ents: :ents: :ents: :ents: :ents: :ents: :ents: :ents: :ents: :ents: :ents: :ents: :ents: :ents: :ents: :ents: :ents: :ents: :ents: :ents: :ents: :ents: :ents:
I construct a neuralyser (http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20110504061637/men-in-black/images/e/eb/Neuralizer1.png)
and wipe the existence of the hill from your memory.
My hill.
You come at ME? With TERMITES? In MY HOUSE?
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:pangolin: :pangolin: :pangolin: :pangolin: :pangolin: :pangolin: :pangolin: :pangolin: :pangolin: :pangolin: :pangolin: :pangolin: :pangolin: :pangolin: :pangolin: :pangolin:
MY HILL!