These weren't my jokes:
PRODUCT WARNING LABELS FOR STUPID PEOPLE
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down".
On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts".
On a bottle of children cough medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication".
On Marks and Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating".
On a Sears hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping.
On a bag of Doritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap".
On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost".
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness".
On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use".
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts".
On a child's Superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly".
On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals".
In an information booklet: "Do not use if you cannot see clearly to read the information in the information booklet".
On a bottle of shampoo for dogs: "Caution: The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish".
On a curling iron: "For external use only!"
On a curling iron: "Warning: This product can burn eyes".
On a hair dryer: "Do not use in shower".
On a hand-held massaging device: "Do not use while sleeping or unconscious".
On the case of a chocolate CD in a gift basket: "Do not place this product into any electronic equipment".
On a toilet at a public sports facility in Ann Arbor, Michigan: "Recycled flush water unsafe for drinking".
On a pair of shin guards made for bicyclists: "Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover".
On an electric rotary tool: "This product not intended for use as a dental drill".
On a container of deodorant: "Caution: Do not spray in eyes".
On a cardboard sunshield that keeps the sun off the dashboard: "Do not drive with sunshield in place".
On a plastic toy helmet used as a container for popcorn: "Caution: This is not a safety protective device".
On an "Aim-n-Flame" fireplace lighter: "Do not use near fire, flame, or sparks".
On a battery: See a scanned image: "Battery may explore or leak".
On a toner cartridge for a laser printer: "Do not eat toner".
On a 13-inch wheel on a wheelbarrow: "Not intended for highway use".
On a Holmes bathroom heater: "This product is not to be used in bathrooms".
On a can of self-defence pepper spray: "May irritate eyes".
On a novelty rock garden set called 'Popcorn Rock': "Eating rocks may lead to broken teeth".
On a Domino's Pizza box: "Caution! Contents hot!"
On a coffee cup: "Caution: Hot beverages are hot!"
On a product called 'Rubber Band Shooter': "Caution: Shoots rubber bands".
On a Frisbee: "Warning: May contain small parts".
On a toilet bowl cleaning brush: "Do not use orally".
On a butcher knife: "Please keep out of children".
On a birthday card for a 1 year old: "Not suitable for children aged 36 months or less".
On a battery: "Do not recharge, put in backwards, or use".
In the manual for a heated seat cushion: "Warning: Do not use on eyes".
On a laser pointer: "Do not look into laser with remaining eye".
In the manual for a microwave oven: "Do not use for drying pets".
On an electric cattle prod: "For use on animals only".
On a can of air freshener: "For use by trained personnel only".
On a can of air freshener: "Keep out of reach of children and teenagers".
On a motorcycle helmet-mounted rear-view mirror: "Remember, objects in the mirror are actually behind you".
In the manual for a jet ski: "Warning: Riders of personal watercraft may suffer injury due to the forceful injection of water into body cavities either by falling into the water or while mounting the craft".
A label inside a protective bag (for fragile objects), which measures 15cm by 15cm by 12cm: "Warning: Do not climb inside this bag and zip it up. Doing so will cause injury and death".
On a package of silly putty: "Do not use as ear plugs".
On the packaging of a sharpening stone: "Warning: knives are sharp!"
On a pack of Breath Savers: "Not for weight control".
On the label of a bottled drink: "Twist top off with hands. Throw top away. Do not put top in mouth".
On a milk crate: "Theft of this container is a crime".
On a tube of deodorant: "Do not use intimately".
On a box of rat poison: "Warning: has been found to cause cancer in laboratory mice".
On the back of a can of de-icing windshield fluid: "Cannot be made non-poisonous".
On a portable stroller: "Caution: Remove infant before folding for storage".
On the dash board of a mail truck: "Look before driving".
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body".
On a string of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only".
On a child sized Superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly".
On a sign at a railroad station: "Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted".
On a box of Midol PMS relief tablets: "Warning: do not use if you have prostate problems".
On a lighter: "Do not light in face. Do not expose to flame".
On the label for a cheap rubber ball toy: "Choking hazard: This toy is a small ball".
On a package of dice: "Not for human consumption".
On a shipment of hammers: "May be harmful if swallowed".
From a manual for an SGI computer: "Do not dangle the mouse by its cable or throw the mouse at co-workers".
On a package of peanuts: "Warning: May contain nuts".
On a slip of paper in a stereo box, referring to the Styrofoam packing: "Do not eat".
On the sides of a shipping carton, just above cut-out openings which one would assume were handholds: "Access hole only. Not intended for use in lifting box".
Stamped on the metal barrel of a .22 calibre rifle: "Warning: Misuse may cause injury or death".
In the instructions for an electric thermometer: "Do not use orally after using rectally".
On the packaging for a chain saw file, used to sharpen the cutting teeth on the chain: "Turn off motor before using this product".
On a box of bottle rockets: "Do not put in mouth".
On the wrapper of a Fruit Roll-Up snack: "Remove wrapper before eating".
On a remote control for a TV: "Not dishwasher safe".
On the box for a car jack: "For lifting purposes only".
On the instructions for a cordless phone: "Do not put lit candles on phone".
Hope you liked them.
My sister's star sign was cancer and its quite ironic how she died
She was attacked by a giant crab