OK, to try and encourage more discussion I'm going to make threads for each chapter - I think the individual updates are too small to have their own threads and I'm not sure if adding comment options to the individual posts is a good idea, so this seems a reasonable partway house :)
So, Chapter 1, the only one completed at time of writing, what do you all think of it? :)
For anyone who needs the link, Ch 1 starts with the Prologue here: http://www.forgefyre.co.uk/ForgeFyre/?p=31