A thread for quotes from Exilian pubs, contextlessly :)
"Do you feel like you've taken a trip to Beavertown?" "I don't know, what does Beavertown taste like?"
and also, "people think too much about what to do when life gives you lemons, and not enough about what happens when death gives you lemons."
"Is base 10 the entire cause for global warming?"
also "crawling out of the bathtub like a wyrm" is the title of my rap album
"I am distraught that you weren't paying attention when I found chicken police."
"stabbing yourself doesn't, in fact, help"
I'm kind of cursing that we didn't come up with this earlier (credit I think goes to Spritelady for the idea). Definitely planning to keep this thread going :)
I am now going to start a movement to genetically engineer future humanity to have 4 digits on each hand, and 4 toes on each foot.
Thus allowing us to naturally count in octal (hands) or hexadecimal (hands and feet).
Therefore both solving global warming (ha), and allowing a far more seamless transition into cyborgs.
There's got to be some very odd human in the longtermism movement with a ton of money and very little sense who would actually fund that.
"I'm not averse against Belgium."
"Discussing the Cambridge bookshop and being dangled out of a window reminded me that I have a specific experience in common with King Charles."
Quote from: kjelda on May 25, 2023, 09:52:04 PM
"I'm not averse against Belgium."
Shortly preceded by "Do you want Belgium? This is how you get Belgium!"
on James' orders: "You don't need a daddy to drop you on your head."
"Africa is just a very large dinosaur"
"Foot curry can't hurt you"
"Are we being dangled out of a window again?"
"I love bullying." and in the same category: "I portugalin love incels."
"You're grateful. I mean, you're welcome."
In future, someone should remind me that I cannot in fact deal with that level of chaos with more wine, because I will never be able to consume that much wine.
'they delivered the food 20 mins early and I was balls deep in a gelatinous cube'
'Being batman is a property passed down through consumption'
'I would accept a scythe as a birthday gift'
Gelbatinous cube
"If I worked in a factory, I'd become a cheese villain" - Pinky
"One of the reasons I'm dwelling on gelatinous cubes so much is that I've just got funding from the government."
"Russia has an Evil Gherkin"
"tentacle putin is a disconcerting thought"
(if sources want to be named, please say so in this thread)
"Some people like licking each other, in the right circumstances."
""I'd love my wife more if she knitted me a straitjacket" - Psyanotek
Person A: "Did you have to fend off a Russian invasion or defend your civil liberties recently?"
Person B: "No, but I joined a whatsapp group in which people are sending far too many messages and it's stressing me out, and that's almost the same thing."
Person C: "Next you'll have to make a phone call."
"It goes in cycles, but every now and then I just get the urge to go and portugal armadillo up!"
"The pile of sh*t could be sort of ski slope shaped, so it would actually decelerate you. You might get some quite nasty friction burns, but..."
"No, yeah, that could work!"
...
"I believe the point at which no pile of armadillo could be big enough is known as the Prigozhin point."
In chat: "imagine laying in an insufficient pile of poop, breathing your last breath, and regretting not spending 40 pounds on that one paper that one time"
'Gilgamesh' is a hell of a thing to shout during an orgasm
"My partner said 'I don't think about it very much'. So I started thinking about it more."
"Dings don't give me dopamine "
"You don't have any bi related spam?"
"I don't think many people get into the online drug selling business thinking 'I'm going to pass this down to my children and grandchildren'."
"I stack things on having to pee"
"Just get a pony and wagon - much better for your posture"
This is in theory commercially confidential, but nyeeeeeeh - anon
"Everybody likes death rays, right?"
"Yeah, I'd build one if I had the money."
"I'm pretty sure I wasn't capable of getting anyone pregnant when I started making dad jokes."
"I really liked those movies - they were like comfortable socks."
"The youth today they're all on their phones, they don't know how to mug anyone any more."
incongrous helmet
I don't know how to deal well with any additional income coming in
Quote from: dubsartur on October 27, 2023, 05:33:14 PM
incongrous helmet
I had forgotten about the incongruous helmet! Thank you for committing it to eternity (or as much of eternity as this forum thread will exist for, which probably isn't a lot, but even so).
"So what pose would maximise the amount of surface area available at any one time?"
"Probably a starfish hanging from the ceiling?"
"I'm really uncomfortable with the word surface area in this context."
"I just came here to rant about Dutch politics and be sad, and now people are informing me about things."
"It's not the size of the shark that counts, it's what you let it nibble on."
"I sit very neurodivergently, just not bisexually neurodivergently."
"We shouldn't discuss Star Wars if we want to stay friends."
"I don't need more friends!"
"...we could play Monopoly instead?"
"Private Cheese!" *salute*
"It's not hill piracy if you're doing it to your own sheep"
"They really did the dwarves dirty!" "and we know you like that."
"you're all derailing the conversation." "I think it's just regular railing"
"James is not short, he's just far away sometimes"
and just to give an idea of what the british pronunciation of 'kruidnoten' sounds like to Dutch people, I heard 'crudeknowton' and I thought perhaps it was some obscure english town I didn't know
Can confirm, I am far away sometimes.
Also, I definitely still want to make the idea of a game NPC who insists they're a Hill Pirate rather than a bandit :)
"I have a steamed rat" (Possibly misheard)
"I can see the whale!"
"I can't see the whale!"
"What's this about a whale?"
"So on the discussion of Jubal's whale..."
*terrible chess mistake noises*
"This button doesn't take me back because there is no back! What happens with this one, does it take me forward, where even is th-" *disappears from the call*
"There was a conversation about sword fighting and spears, so I got out the spear shaft I'm whittling"
"Well one time I told a friend what colour underwear I wear every day for a month."
"Navel combat: man to man, bellybutton to bellybutton"
"Would changing swordplay to spearplay make it less..."
"No."
"It's advertised as a sex game. I disagree."
"Are farts nonbinary armadillos?"
"They are very much on a spectrum, and possibly also a speculum."
"I am a thorn in the side of the establishment whilst also being part of the establishment - a position that amuses the tits off me."
"If I've genuinely offended you, I..."
"If you haven't offended him, please try harder."
"There's a weird combination of government bloat and Ryan Reynolds involved."
"And in the tourneys I have no idea - I have a champion, and he gets kicked out sometimes, and there's other people and systems, and the taverns, and I have no idea what's going on at any point -"
"Sounds like your nights out."
"Could you swear in a really soothing way? Like fuuuuuck. Fuuuuuuuuuuck."
"For some reason the phrase banana for scale is making me imagine a banana dragon, with bananas for scales. "
"Orbital Banana Dragon"
"You are literally the washing up to my homework."
"what if you stuff your pants with shipping popcorn?"
The hamster died - which, you know, sad...
They asked me "where can I find a goat" and I asked "dead or alive...?"
"Why do all these millennials think the world is on fire? Everything's fine! Look at this sheep, it's got the best f*cking sheep entrails I've ever seen!"
"I think that's just the contents of James' parents' freezer."
Whilst not in a pub context, some people usually attendant at pub were having a discussion this evening in which the phrase "She's not Nietzschian! She just has breasts!" was uttered and it was decided that it was sufficiently spiritually a Pub Out Of Context thing to say that it should be added here as an honorary mention.
Quote from: Jubal on April 05, 2024, 12:38:14 AM
Whilst not in a pub context, some people usually attendant at pub were having a discussion this evening in which the phrase "She's not Nietzschian! She just has breasts!" was uttered and it was decided that it was sufficiently spiritually a Pub Out Of Context thing to say that it should be added here as an honorary mention.
Nietzschian Nietzschian or the Kevin Sorbo series (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Andromeda_(TV_series)) Nietzschian with bone blades and a bodacious femme-bodied AI avatar?
I assumed the former because I didn't know the latter existed, but now you mention it that's a much more plausible explanation for the thing that was being reacted to.
"Then swallow at the right moment, which may or may not be a skill you have" - Jen
"There are no ethical capercailies under capitalism. There are also no ethical capercailies under any other system. Capercailies have no concept of ethics."
"I am remarkably stable. I contain many ponies."
"Warning, this film contains adult content. Someone will be doing DIY."
"Oh no."
"I need to make some money, but if I say whatever it takes in this company I'll only get in trouble."
"Have you considered trebuchet based food delivery?"
"I see London, I see France, I can see your underpants"
"Where would you need to be to see all those things at the same time?"
"They're having discipline problems on the International Space Station."
"Babe are you ok? you've barely touched your high velocity projectile snack food."
"[Scotland] is less of a region and more of an armpit."
"I very much like tyranny and I'm very sad we won't get more tyranny."
"Is it me, or is this very different to what the conversation was like last time?"
"Well, I'm back."
"I don't want to shoot another human in the head, that does nothing for me."
"I am a fascist when it comes to golf. Golf is the worst sport in the history of sports. The person who invented golf should be rounded up and shot. I hate golf."
"if not senpai, why senpai shaped?"
"I want to ride a moose" "What if it's a friendly moose?" "There's no such thing as a friendly moose"
"If a tree handed you a bunch of its leaves, you would be suspicious."
"If a tree handed me a bunch of its leaves, I would wonder what was in my tea this morning."
"If a tree handed me a bunch of leaves, I would wonder if I was about to get three wishes."
"Did I hear something about Martin Shkreli and Barron Trump running a cryptocurrency together?"
"Have people just started randomly generating news now?"
"Ian Paisley was a big Orangeman."
"So's Donald Trump."
"The fires are probably not set by killer whales."
"We've not confirmed whether the fires were set by orcas."
"It would be a difficult thing for them to orca-strate."
"Are you trying to teach killer whales how to do arson?"
"It's looking good for the squid, actually"
"this one specific squid, albert"
"are there even 700 people left on facebook? "
"I bought it from a woman, so it's chique."
"I don't have a connection to the pigs in Lincolnshire." "But you will."
"Are you in Heaven?"
"i hallucinate dutch history students"
"I wish I hallucinated cats"
"how many jobs do you have? don't answer that"
"You said babies are protein!"
"ha ha ha, cannibalism"
"Some of us have a partner behind us and some of us have a playboy sign"
"80 in 1 shower gel: it's hair, body, conditioner, toothpaste, motor oil..."
"Kjelda's face has a set of expressions going across it that suggest she's googling couches."
"What should I imagine when I envisage an oscillating penis?"
"I know we're Dutch, but you can't be that Dutch."
"I didn't intend to fix all the problems of the universe"
"What else are you going to do with your weekend? That's all I ever do. Well, that and knitting."
Scipio Americanus ... some wires got crossed
"They've hacked the train, they could be anywhere by now - but they'll still be on the tracks."
"You're in a cult? I want details! Initiation ceremonies, ranks, everything!"
...
"Does it have punishments?"
"You could have said that with a little less glee."
"It's not about the length of the hat, it's about the girth."
"By contrast, I think the Knights Templar were more a bunch of people who wore stupid large hats and acted like pricks."
"If you look past the fascists, the mountains behind are lovely."
"I think I know the provenance of all my cloaks."
"And people kept asking the chatbots awful things like what race should be eradicated."
"Egg and spoon!"
"Do you not know who I am, you ferret-fiddling pillock?!"
"Are we saying that YouTube shorts aren't very fashionable to wear?"
"...and influencers, by and large, don't have anything interesting to say."
"You may well be very fashionable - I wouldn't notice."
"I have a very fashionable top 25%"
"I tried to be complimentary and failed, hate it when that happens."
"Well, I like destroying compliments, so"
"What are you, some kind of larval form of human?"
"Strong caterpillar energy! I mean that in the nicest possible way."
"You mean he's going to turn into something beautiful but very temporary in the future?"
"He's also quite green and hairy."
"The 17th century was the 1 star TripAdvisor review of the last thousand years."
"They barely do any assassinating and they are a faction of assassins, they just seem to be the kind of assassin who stands on a rooftop in cool capes all the time."
"very famous medieval Armenian church"
"the internet ad we would all click on would be "portugaling lunatics in your area want to meet YOU click here""
"but it's cheaper, so go portugal yourself I guess"
"I'm better at back-end, my friend's better at front-end, we're better if you put us together."
*cackles of laughter*
"...am I the only person imagining a pantomime horse here?"
"Yes."
"The crucial thing is that your cow inseminator is getting elected."
"The thing to remember about almost all American criminal law is that there isn't any."
"My team got dissolved"
"IN ACID???"
"What if you can just buy 120 Brazilians?"
...
"I think for any context, asking the question of whether I can just buy 120 Brazilians might work."
"They've had their recruitment team poached" makes me think
"Recruitment teams aren't in season! You're not allowed to shoot them until March."
"They can't be *that* great if they keep getting assassinated"
"I'm the king of Egypt and I'd like to kill you now!"
"Well, that's inconvenient."
"Do you report directly to the Japanese Entity?"
"I'm a tank! I'm a tank! I'm a tank!"
"It's like being sprayed in the face with unfiltered humanity"
"That sounds deeply unsanitary"
"Like unpasteurised milk?"
"Yes, or possibly Twitter."
"Why is there a leg going into her boob?"
"You've got your tentacles, you've got your spikes, and a good time was had by all"
"Wasn't Mickey ExcessODick in a gender-swapped James Bond film?"
"Lube is for cowards"
"Quitting is for cowards and lube lovers"
Chocolate lube: What colour is it?
"CAN WE ACKNOWLEDGE THAT THIS IS A BUBBLE?"
"I'm just hoping that things will collapse now that Trump is in office."
"Unlike the Welsh who at least can be arsed."
"Don't speak of the boy scouts. There are war crimes."
"One group consisted of Tolkien enthusiasts and the other were liberal democrats."
"Ah, yes, the two genders."
"I apologise on behalf of demonically possessed people.'
"the orbital speed of James' bisexual friends chasing after cats around the sun while looking for a house "
"we should build a new parliament with proper wi-fi and electronics, and open the old one up for terrorism
...I mean tourism"
"Ziggo, the alpacaiest TV provider..."
"Is that a new scale, alpacay?"
"No, I think they've been using that unit of measurement for some time in Australia"
"Sausage is found in unlikely places - definitely Tolkien"
"I like the idea of a ukulele radar better"
"The ukule-dar!"
"I thought it said 'sausage is found in unlikely places'"
"Minus ten points for reading comprehension, plus ten for hobbit comprehension. Or possibly twink comprehension, I'm not sure which."
"if you're single all your mugs must depict sausages"
"Welcome to Political Assassination 101. Somehow with James Baillie!"
"Our water is very managed, because we're f*cking Dutch."
"I was just thinking, why are dykes funny?"
"apologies for momentary chaos, i just set my sock on fire"
"I want to know more about that mouse, Jafeth" (Spoken as opening line on joining pub)
"There's a desperate note in your laughter, it's excellent."
"It's... there's a man's face there!"
"We're talking about removing our own skin."
"You can't unfortunately remove your own skin. Not reversibly."
"Anime cheeks will start appearing on the cupboards"
"Are any of you familiar with the term 'far welted' as it applies to sheep?"
"We can't do magic any more because the sheep are too healthy"
"I got overtaken by a deer on the highway"
(extremely disturbed look)
"What did you think that meant?"
"Like being mugged or something?"
"I am sorry that googling portugaling goose brings up bestiality videos not a Dutch species"
"That doesn't sound like a Google problem"
"The most damaging animal to people and livestock is the portugaling Goose"
"Do I need to quote Procopius' Secret History? Because I can quote Procopius' Secret History."
"is that a hard exoskeleton in your pants or are you just happy to see me "
"(Sentimental voice) It was Exilian where I first learned what an ovipositor was."
"So what I am hearing is that you have a catalogue of abominations on your laptop, subcategory Duck."
"I need to look up the name of this thing being shoved up my nose by an alien"
"If ducks knew how to do coke, they'd do it."
"This is very much an abomination onto Nature. It's very cute."
"The only basement abominations i have are old artworks and abandoned hobbies."
"Certified 100% non-Communist by four Communist parties!"
"I'm kind of short of abominations over here."
"Don't undersell yourself!"
"Maybe I just find horrifying amorphous blobs of flesh more charming than you do."
"James, what's your chest size?"
No response
"I'll just assume the smallest size"
"I want to start a business selling ice-cream at bank robberies now."
"I'm also not particularly connected to the old women community"
"I guess your cats in law are the ones you adopted, as opposed to your natural cats, which you gave birth to."