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Topics - Pentagathus

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16
Evening ladies and girlymen.
Motivational thread, for motivating and stuff.
You shouldn't need it anyway you bumbling Boris botherers, man up and do stuff. Or woman up and do stuff or whatever. Just do stuff.

17
Food Discussion - The Jolly Boar Kitchen / Nerd food.
« on: November 10, 2014, 06:38:45 PM »
So I can't be the only one who starts craving whatever food is being described when I'm reading a novel.
Heres a website dedicated to nerdy foods, I've successfully made both virgin and non virgin mudders milk and unsuccessfully made beorn's honey cake. http://www.geekychef.com/
I also found a recipe for seedcake somewhere, the hobbit always makes me mega hungry. As does a fair amount of the first (and best) parts of LOTR. I'll post it up here later.
Anyone else made such stuffs?

18
Discussion and Debate - The Philosopher's Plaza / TTIP
« on: October 12, 2014, 02:42:22 PM »
Erm this is just a placeholdery thing so I don't forget about this later, but I just read an article on some shizzle called the TTIP which seemed somewhat biased and unlikely so I wanted to check it out when I've got time and hear the opinions of those of you who know/care about stuff like this.

19
The Welcome Hall - Start Here! / Wagwan Beeches.
« on: June 16, 2014, 10:12:02 AM »
I never made one of these, so now I am:
Wagwan.

20
Stories and AARs / Embers in the Ash
« on: April 07, 2014, 02:15:34 PM »
Yo bitches, I said I was writing a thing and I have written some of it. I hope to keep writing this thing because I really like the idea, but it takes me a long time to write such things so I don't know if I'll manage it.
Our protagonist or whatever he will be is a character you will all know and have heard stories of, but probably not from his own perspective and hopefully not from a story like this. I imagine you'll work out who he is before he does.
Also I use naughty words sometimes, is there a way to bypass the swear filter? Armadillos won't really be fitting into this tale I'm afraid, and neither will portugal. Well I can sort of bypass it by using spaces, be warned, there are naughty words.  Sort of.

Anyway, here's the first part of the thing:


Birth


There was darkness. And something else. Awareness.
He couldn't discern anything, but he was aware of his own existence. He? Yes, he was a he, whatever that meant.
It meant he was male. And if he was male, he must have a physical prescence, a body.
And suddenly he could feel it. Mainly pain, searing pain all over. But other things too, he could feel his body, knew it was there, his limbs, legs, arms, hands. A head, a neck, a torso. He was lying on something, face up.
His eyes snapped open, light flooded into the darkness, blinding, searing, confusing. His eyes snapped shut again. His chest rose, air rushed in. His chest fell, breath rushed out. Was this breath his first? Was this his birth?
He lay for a while, just breathing in and breathing out. There were smells, but he didn't know what they meant, what they were.
His eyes opened again, slower, more cautious. It hurt still, but the pain faded. There was no sense at first, no meaning to the light. But then patterns appeared, shapes started to form. The light's source was a small square, high above and to the side of him. Around the light source were squares of grey, ordered in rows and stacked together. A wall. A wall with a window. He was ..... inside?
Yes, inside. There was more grey above him, a ceiling. More walls around him, one with a patch of dark brown instead of grey. A door. A closed door.
And there, to the side with the window. His right, his right side. There, there was a figure. A body. His body?
No, it couldn't be his body could it? Was he seeing his own body from the outside? He kept his gaze on the figure, flexed his fingers. He felt them slide over the floor, it hurt. But the figure's fingers didn't move. It wasn't him.
He tilted his head foward, look down at himself. There it was, his own body. It looked... wrong. He was clothed. Yes, a belted black robe covered him, but his hands and feet were uncovered. They didn't look right. Skeletal, with cracked, mottled brown skin. He raised a hand before his face, looked closer. It wasn't just skin, the hand was covered in something. Dirt? Mud? He brought his other hand up, rubbed them together. That really hurt. But some of the stuff fell away, revealing red, raw looking skin.
He looked back at the other figure. It was clothed as well, not in a robe but in trousers tunic and jerkin. It appeared to be one of the Folk, a man. Its skin looked normal, pale and somewhat dirty but not covered in mud like his own. It had medium length brown hair framing a slightly chubby face. Its chest was rising and falling, apparently it was alive.
He looked away, just lay there and stared at the ceiling. His face started to move, his mouth twitching, curling up. A smile. It hurt, but it felt good. It felt more than good, it felt right, felt like it was more a part of him than anything else he knew. His mouth opened and breath bubbled out in short sharp bursts. Laughter. That hurt even more, and felt even better.
He heard noise coming from the other figure. It was moving, turning its head and making nonsense noises. He shot up, rising to his feet, laughter and pain forgotten as something new thundered through him. Fear.
His legs buckled and he almost fell, unsteady in this new position. He backed away from the figure, his breath coming in ragged bursts, his heart pounding. His back hit a wall, he flattened himself against it and slid down to sit on the floor. He kept watching the figure, its eyes were open and it seemed to be looking around. It didn't appear to be anymore aware of itself than he was.
He rose to his feet again, fear giving way to curiosity. He approached the figure, watching carefully. It lifted its head, started to sit up. It looked around and saw him.
"Where am I? Who are you?"
He stepped back, startled. The noises .... no, the words. They made some sense to him, they meant something.
"Who are you?" he tried to speak the same words, they sounded similar but not quite the same.
The figure scratched its head "Lars" it looked around "oh, the drunk cells. Almost as good as home." It looked over at the window "nearly time for them to let us out I reckon. So, what was your name? Last night's memories are.... hazy to say the least."
"My name? ..... I .... don't ..... know."
The figure - Lars - grinned "well I've been there before, you certainly look rough enough." Lars gave a dry chuckle "Sons, you look like you've been bathing in a swamp."
He lauged along with Lars, though he did not know why. Not faint little laugh of Lars, but strong, musical peals of laughter, not just from his belly but from the very centre of his being, his very.... soul? His soul.
"Alright Chuckles, it wasn't that funny."
"Chuckles?"
"Aye, well I need to call you something, and since you can't remember your own name..."
"Chuckles. I like Chuckles."
Lars nodded "Chuckles it is then. Ah, you hear that? I thought it was about time to leave."
He did hear it, the sounds of something striking something else, coming closer. Footsteps. Footsteps on stone.
The footsteps stopped, and more noises followed. Hard to identify, and then a scraping, a squeel of metal sliding over metal. The door opened, revealing a figure in the doorway and behind him a corridoor of grey stone.
The figure was another man, another one of the Folk. He was wearing leather armour and had a sword belted to his waist. His face was grim, surly and sour looking.
"Get out" his voice suited his face.
If Lars was perturbed by the man's attitude he did not show it "much obliged, thanks for the hospitality. My friend and I are unclear as to the events of last night, I don't suppose you could shed any light on the matter?"
The man made no reply, just stood in the doorway for a moment and then turned and started walking along the corridor. Lars shrugged and headed after him, Chuckles following.
He stepped into the corridor and looked either way. To the left was the man leading them, heading towards an open door leading into a room. To the right there was another door, this one closed. They went left, and found themselves in a chamber with four stone walls and a door on each one. The wall to the left had a window as well as a door, with glass in the frame. The armoured man headed to the door in this wall and opened it without a word. Light spilled in, too bright for Chuckles. The man remained silent, just gestured at the open door.
Lars headed for the door, and Chuckles followed. Before stepping out into the light he turned to the armoured man.
"Truly, I don't remember a thing. Do you at least know my name?"
The man looked at him, lips curling in disgust "F uck off."
F uck off. No, that wasn't his name, but it was certainly a familiar phrase. Something told him he'd be hearing it a lot.

21
Rumours / Jubal eats baby crocodiles alive whilst their mothers watch.
« on: March 16, 2014, 09:36:47 PM »
Just a rumour I'd heard. Bit weird Jubes, bit weird.

22
Game Reviews / King of Dragon Pass
« on: March 14, 2014, 10:27:00 AM »
King of Dragon Pass

Game Type: Commercial
Genre: RPG/Strategy

Links: http://a-sharp.com/kodp/
http://www.gog.com/game/king_of_dragon_pass

Graphics rating:
Gameplay rating:
Immersion rating:
Overall rating:

Review:
Bitching.

Graphics 4; the game is old (from the 90s yo, just like me) but everything is done by menu screens and whatnot so it still looks pretty damn good to me.

Gameplay 5; there's nothing else like it (as far as I know.) Its like a mix of rpg and strategy and its amazeballs. Although its set in a very much fantasy world (the p&p RPG world of Glorantha) it feels far more realistic than any other strategy game I've played. It can be difficult to start with, I'd very much recommend reading the manual or googling a strategy guide or somesuch. Also best to start with a balanced clan and an easy setting.

Immersion 5; I actually care what happens to my clan, even the wayward fools and fudge-juggling tricksters. Especially the fudge-juggling tricksters actually since they're very useful. I become most mightily enraged when another clan steal my cows and never fail to take my vengeance. Unless I'm losing a feud or somesuch.

Overall it gets all of the stars.

You can buy this from GOG, or if you have a fancy new fangled I-thingy then you can get the updated IOS version from wherever you buy IOS apps. I'd suggest you all buy it from GOG so we can have a swap game thing. And so you can enjoy the wonders of Dragon Pass. Yes, even you LeninCat, even you.

23
Spamfest! / Pent's tiny penis
« on: January 21, 2014, 11:07:17 AM »
Hah you looked!

24
Yo Exilianites, I need a top level brainstorm here.
Whilst playing a drinking game, if someone tries to wuss out I need a term that will offend them and them alone, usually I'd ask them if they need a tampon or imply that they are frightfully queer, but I can't really do that when I'm drinking with women and/or gays. I've thought about saying I've known schoolchildren that can handle their beverage better, but that kind of makes me sound like a paedophile.
Any thoughts?

25
Stories and AARs / Pentagathus' Stories.
« on: June 08, 2013, 03:26:52 PM »
Whenever I get around to start writing on a story I usually stop for a while and then forget where I was going with it, so I thought if I try to post my crap here fairly regularly then I might actually get some writing written. These won't necessarily be war stories, but I imagine violence will be fairly prevalent throughout so this is probably the best place to bung them.
Currently I'm writing about a man called Niko, in a world that is still largely unplanned but is the one I wrote about in Jubal's worldbuilding course. I have a vague story thought out but it takes me ages to actually write stuff out.

Here's the first part, I'm afraid I haven't read through it yet so its probably full of spelling and grammatical errors and is probably armadillo but hey:

Niko dropped over the wall, swayed on his feet and then collapsed quietly into a corner, landing on something soft. He pulled his hood over his head and lay flat, although it would have been difficult to spot him in such dim moonlight even if he was stark bollock naked and doing his renowned chicken dance.
“Can’t get caught” he thought to himself as he resisted the urge to vomit “no, not in this state, I’d be disgraced.” Then he remembered where he was, and why he was there.  No one knew him, and no one would care.
Once he had come to this rather miserable epiphany Niko raised his heavy head from the dirt and for the first time since jumping the wall had a look around and where he’d landed. He was indeed in a corner, the corner of a small courtyard. A few broken barrels and crates were jumbled in a heap in front of him. The wall that went straight ahead of him only carried on for a few paces before ending in a closed wooden gate with a thick crossbar set on this side. The wall at his feet went on towards his left and joined up with a large wooden building, square shaped, twice his height, thatched and apparently windowless. Drunk as he was, it still did not take Niko long to realise the building was a warehouse and that the courtyard was empty.  He started to rise and noticed the soft thing he’d landed on seemed to be a large pile of sack cloth.
He had got halfway to standing when he stopped suddenly. A dark figure had just crept out of the warehouse and was heading towards the courtyard gate. Niko swiftly threw himself flat again, just turning his head enough to watch the newcomer, and so avoided the notice of this dark figure as he cautiously swept his gaze around the courtyard.
As the figure turned towards the gate and started lifting the heavy bar from it Niko quietly burrowed into the pile of sack cloth, not knowing what was afoot but not wishing any part of it.
As Niko watched, the man set the bar aside and swung the gates open slightly. A group of three more men crept in, similarly clad in dark cloaks with hoods or hats over their heads. The largest of the three unshuttered a lantern as he came in, revealing a shaggy head of hair and a thick beard. He drew a sword, single edged and thick, and turned towards the rest of the group. They too revealed weapons; one had an axe, one a club and the one whom had come from the warehouse pulled out a long knife with a curved end.  Niko was now fervently regretting that he’d sold his own sword, and even more fervently regretting that he’d spent so much of the proceeds on strong drink.
“Carl” said the swordsman as he held out the lantern to the axe man “check around, make sure no one’s waiting for us.” Axeman nodded, took the lantern and strode off around the courtyard, peering into the corner opposite Niko. Niko wormed his way further into the sack cloth.
“Ferret, go out and wait for them on the river road, I doubt they’ll come that way, unless he’s planning a surprise for us. Whistle if you see anyone.” The knife bearer nodded and passed out of the gate. 
“Len, you wait for them on the main road, only whistle if there are more than two of them. Hail them loud enough for us to hear if two show up.” Clubman passed out of the gate.
The lantern was heading towards Niko’s corner now. Niko thought of fleeing but doubted he would be fast enough on his unsteady feet, so instead he buried his face into the sack cloth, squeezed his eyes shut tight and prayed to remain undetected.
The axeman’s soft footsteps crept closer, and then stopped. A quiet knocking sound reached him, as if the axeman was rooting around in the heap of broken crates.  Time dragged on, flowing slower than molten wax until eventually the axeman’s soft footsteps moved away.
“It’s empty” axeman’s voice sounded thin and nervous.
“Good” replied the swordsman, and that was all that was said for some time. Niko had no idea how long he waited there, time was hard to tell when you’re hiding from armed men and drunk as a newt.
Eventually a rough voice called out strong and clear “evening good sirs, care to follow me?” and the gate was pushed wide open. The clubman strode in with a grin on his face, revealed by the light of the lantern that was still held by the axeman. He was shortly followed through by a stern looking man, tall and broad shouldered with a bare long sword held out before him. Behind this man came another, shorter and broader of belly rather than broad of shoulder, but with a strong posture and an angry cast to his face.
“Where is she?” growled the shorter man “I brought the money, bring her out now” he demanded.
The scruffy swordsman chuckled softly “ah you seem to have misunderstood my message. I do not have her, but that money will buy the information as to who does, and where.
The shorter man stepped forward as if to launch an attack, but his companion placed a hand on his shoulder as if to steady him and he stopped where he was, much to the amusement of the clubman and the swordsman. The axeman had taken a small step back, and looked terrified by the whole affair.
The scene was interrupted then, by a voice coming from above Niko “no one on the riverway boss”.  Niko’s eyes widened as he realised what was happening, and what was about to happen. Sure enough the knifeman’s boot came down on Niko’s shoulder as he clambered down off the wall.
“What” the knifeman said as he tripped on Niko and almost fell, but he did not get to finish his sentence as Niko leapt up at once, grabbed him by the collar and threw him down hard. The knifeman’s back hit the ground and Niko got hold of his head and smashed it into the wall. The knifeman’s whole body slumped; Niko took his knife from him, stood up and turned towards the gate. Everyone was looking at him in surprise.
“Carl you prick” growled the scruffy swordsman before launching himself at the other swordsman.  The clubman cursed and ran towards Niko whilst the axeman seemed to be rooted to the spot.
Niko did not like his chances, he was bigger than his opponent and a good fighter, but he was drunk as hell and armed only with the long knife and his own dagger.
But he had nowhere to run to, so he stood his ground and managed to evade the club’s first swing. He lashed out with the knife but the club came up and struck Niko’s hand hard, making him drop the knife with a curse. Niko’s other hand darted out and grabbed hold of the club, then he pulled himself close to the clubman and swung his battered left hand out over the clubman’s back to catch him around the waist. Niko twisted sharply, lifting his opponent of his feet and bearing him down to the ground. Niko landed on top, knocking the air out of his opponent. Niko now pulled his own dagger from his sheaf and stabbed up into the clubman’s neck.  Warm blood sprayed into his face and over his hand. Niko cursed and rolled away from the dying clubman.
Getting up he saw the fight seemed to be over, the tall swordsman was pulling his blade out of the scruffy swordsman’s chest whilst the axeman was clambering over the wall to get away from the angry looking man who had also pulled out a longsword.
Both of the surviving men turned towards Niko, and he saw they were wearing mail under their cloaks. “Who are you? What are you doing here?”  asked the shorter, angry looking man.
“M names Niko” he slurred “an I can’t remember.”
“What’s wrong with you? Do you take me for a fool?”
“I think he’s been struck on the head sir” said the tall man who was moving cautiously towards Niko with his sword in front of him “probably concussed.”
“Yeah, hit my head with club” Niko lied, glad to have something to blame his current state upon other than drunkenness.
“Right, well you sit down and stay there, I’ll keep my eye on you. Gill search the bodies, and see if that first bandit is alive.”
Gill, the tall man swiftly checked the two corpses “nothing but their weapons and a few coppers in their pockets sir” and then strode into the corner where Niko had been hiding. “This one’s alive sir, and waking up I think.”
“Good” his master called “I’ll question him, you guard this fellow.”
Gill strode towards Niko as his master moved off into the corner. “Drop your knife and stand up” Niko did so “walk to that corner” Gill pointed towards the corner furthest from his master, where the wall met the warehouse. He then told Niko to sit with his back to the wall, so Gill could watch both Niko and the gate at the same time.
“How are you feeling?”
“Like I need to vomit”
Gill gave a wry smile “Aye, I’ve been there, nasty to get a blow to the head.”
They sat there in silence for a while, waiting for Gill’s master to finish with his captive. Niko could hear him talking, but couldn’t make out most of the words. Before long Gill’s master came to them, leading the captive in front of him. “Bind his hands Gill, we’ll take him to my dye works, and this Niko too so we can see if he remembers why he’s here.” He stood watch as Gill bound the captive’s hands together and then led them out of the gate, walking in single file with Niko behind the captive and Gill behind Niko with his sword at the ready. Once out of the gate they went along the main road, which Niko thought led away from this slum district.
“Where’d he say we’re going?”
“The dye works. They’re out away from the slums, on the edge of the crafts district. You don’t sound like you’re a native.”
“I’m not, I got here this afternoon.”
“Well then Niko, welcome to Wyngard” said Gill, and the smile was plain to hear in his voice.

26
General Gaming - The Arcade / Games you're looking forward to
« on: March 24, 2013, 01:43:43 PM »
Yo biatches. Thread title pretty much says it all.
I'm looking forward to The Witcher 3 and from the same studio (CD red) Cyberpunk 2077. The Witcher series are the best RPGs I've played, based on Andrej Sapowski's (alright I know I spelt it wrong but meh) "witcher" novels, which are set in a medieval fantasy where the fantasy elements are based on slavic folklore and common medieval superstition. You play as Geralt, a Witcher which is a genetically enhanced spell casting monster slaying thing. There's a heavy emphasis on story telling and dialouge in the first game, although the story is fairly linear (you can obviously make some choices but they're presonal choices rather than having any massive impact on the greater world) and I don't know about the 2nd one because my laptop couldn't really handle it. Twitcher 3 is going to be an open world with the same strong emphasis on story telling.
Guess what the theme for Cyberpunk 2077 is. It's due to be released in 2015 I think.

The Banner Saga http://stoicstudio.com/forum/the-banner-saga-factions.php
Will be a largely text/menu based RPG with a stategy sort of chess style combat system (looks a lot better than it sounds, there's a multiplayer version called factions already released which was developed so the combat system could be perfected before SP release) and it's going to be based on norse mythology (although apparently staying away from elves, dwarfs, goblins and presumably most of the other norse stuff Tolkien used and which has since been used in nearly much every fantasy RPG going.)
The idea so far is that some sort of near-apocalyptical event has come or is coming and your duty is to ensure the survival of your people by leading them in a caravan from somewhere to somewhere else. Yeah I'm not selling it well but I've already written a lot and I'm getting bored now. The art work looks brilliant.
Edit: Oh and it seems Factions is free so I'd suggest giving it a go.

Torment Tides of Numenera is kickstarter project that is pretty much the sequel to Planescape Torment, a cult classic RPG that I've heard described as the best RPG made to date (it was released in 99 I think or 98 or 97, late 90s anyway) but I haven't got round to playing it yet. Patrick Rothfuss is going to be writing some stuff for it which is pretty portugaling awesome. Here's a link to his blog which also has a link to the kickstarter page somewhere. http://blog.patrickrothfuss.com/

Mount & Blade 2. Duh.

I think there were some others but I can't be arsed to think of them and then write stuff about them so that's all for now folks and folknuggets.

27
As in below absolute zero (negative kelvins) is apparently possible. Physics is broken again.
http://www.newscientist.com/article/dn23042-cloud-of-atoms-goes-beyond-absolute-zero.html

28
Bethesda Entertainment / Where to start with the elder scrolls?
« on: December 30, 2012, 05:48:12 PM »
So I was thinking it may be worth buying one of these games to give the elder scrolls a bash. Would you Elder(ly) veterans recommend starting at the beginning (whatever that is?)

30
General Chatter - The Boozer / The Joke Thread
« on: October 08, 2012, 09:57:10 PM »
Why do french warships have glass hulls? So they can see the rest of the fleet.
Why do french tanks have a rear window? So they can see the enemy.
Whats the shortest book in the world? A history of French military victories.

Why did the polish man cross the road? He's stolen the chickens job (I would like to point out now I have nothing against the Eastern Europeans or economic migrants in general, I just like the joke.)

A man runs into a doctors surgery wearing nothing but clingfilm underwear shouting "Doctor, doctor I think I've gone insane"
The doctor looks up and calmly replies "Yes, I can clearly see your nuts"

BEFORE MARRIAGE:

 Husband - Aaah! ...At last! I can hardly wait!
 Wife - Do you want me to leave?
 Husband - No! Don't even think about it.
 Wife - Do you love me?
 Husband - Of course! Always have and always will!
 Wife - Have you ever cheated on me?
 Husband - No! Why are you even asking?
 Wife - Will you kiss me?
 Husband - Every chance I get!
 Wife - Will you hit me?
 Husband - Hell no! Are you crazy?!
 Wife - Can I trust you?
 Husband - Yes.
 Wife - Darling!

 AFTER MARRIAGE: read from bottom to top.


I've never told anyone this before. But my mum was a runner-up beauty queen who was beaten by her abusive husband.
portugal knows how he won it though.


A gipsy decides he had enough of the slums, grabs what little he has and moves into Munich. There he starts small, but after a couple of years he has a fruitful legit business going on. He decides then to go home to check out how's the family faring. Just at the border of his home village, his brand new BMW got a flat tire. He starts changing it, when he sees a cousin coming his way.
-Hey, Kasimir, -he shouts- can you give me a hand here?
Kasimir happily runs there, grabs a stone, and breaks in a window of the brand new shiny BMW.
-The portugal are you doing? -Asks our man startled.
-You can have the tires, but dibs on the radio.

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