Spoil a wish

[Glaurung]

Your elbow no longer seizes up or is painful. Instead, while entirely pain-free, it also rotates freely and uncontrollably in all directions.

I wish my facial hair could grow without becoming itchy.

[Caradìlis]

Your facial hair grows without itching, but its growing speed increases to 25mph.

I wish that squirrel wasn't looking at me with those judgy eyes.

[Jubal]

The squirrel looks at you with different eyes instead. Your own. The squirrel is now with you in your brain always. Do not try to fight the squirrel.

I wish student feedback just wrote itself sometimes.

[Ierne]

the times at which student feedback now writes itself are: every second tuesday of the month that is also a full moon, and only during epochs where the president of the united states is a cat

I wish the next two matrix movies could live up to the expectations generated by the first.

[Jubal]

only during epochs where the president of the united states is a cat

Electoral challenge accepted

The next two matrix movies will live up to those expectations, but they'll be made as a reboot series in 2100 after we're probably all dead.

I wish birds would visit my terrace more.

[Caradìlis]

birds visit your terrace. Unfortunately, they are vultures looking for food, and are unwilling to wait for you to die before they start snacking on you!

I wish the read through was going quicker

[Jubal]

It goes so quickly you don't take anything in, and it was a waste of time.

I wish I had instantaneous healing magic.

[Caradìlis]

You have instantaneous healing magic, but you have no idea how to use it. As dosage makes the poison, you inadvertantly poison yourself with your healing magic.

I wish I could do more druidcrafts..

[Tusky]

You can do just one more druidcraft. It allows you to create a poultice that turns pimples orange.

I wish those anoying system updates happened a little bit quicker. Wouldn't that be nice for everyone?