King of the Hill

[Ierne]

I gather a large group of NPCs, which your bards are compelled by some deep inner instinct to attempt to seduce.

I then take the hill using a large flock of speciallyt trained battle Seagulls

My hill

[Glaurung]

I lure the seagulls away with strategically placed supplies of fish and chips, sandwiches and doughnuts. I then bring in my own group of pandas, and plant the hill with bamboo to ensure a long-term food supply. The pandas have no military effectiveness, but potential adversaries find themselves unable to attack the cute furry creatures.

[Jubal]

I put myself in stasis, wait a few hundred years until the pandas have died out from being too damn useless to be able to breed effectively, and then take over the hill. I have it guarded by the sphinx, because she owes me a favour.

[Tusky]

I arm myself with a and wield his expert riddlecraft at the sphinx, who becomes defeated.

My hill