Ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer

[The Seamstress]

Well, no one's stopping you, really, except maybe the badger.

If Neptune's out of reach, why haven't yellow striped zombie alien wereworms invaded earth yet?

[Jubal]

They have they're just very small.

Why aren't desks made of fishbones?

[The Seamstress]

The fish wouldn't be happy about it.

Who has stolen all the hot water in my house? Ice-cold showers aren't fun!

[Jubal]

Oh no that sounds horrible! I blame Vance Miller.

What are the actual differences between Glaurung (our one) and Kirrahe?

[The Seamstress]

What if there aren't any? Have you ever seen them in the same room together? Maybe ask Glaurung about any secret identities, I can't answer that.

Why does sugar taste sweet?

[Jubal]

Because it comes from the sugar suite.

What music is played in the sugar suite?

[The Seamstress]

Sweet melodies.

What was hedgehogs' contribution to the French Revolution 1789?

[Jubal]

They were skulking in the background and already plotting the assassination of Marat.


Were we lied to about the reason for leaves falling in autumn?

[The Seamstress]

You might be on to something. I mean, why would they turn brown or yellow and fall off the trees when they could just stay put and be happily green? It's probably a conspiracy. Illuminati. Aliens. Wibulnibs.


Why don't horses have anything to say about the state of the world?

[Jubal]

They're all Houyhnhnm spies keeping quiet until the Plan happens.

Why can't time flow the other way for a bit? Or at least just slosh around for a while so I can catch my breath.

[The Seamstress]

Yeah that would be nice. But unfortunately, time isn't flowing backwards and also not sloshable, at least on this planet and in this dimension. It's all rather unpleasant. I blame The Universe.


There's impressionism and expressionism, but why no compressionism?

[Jubal]

Not enough artists were given weighted blankets.

Do catastrophes imply the existence of larger tigerastrophes?

[The Seamstress]

Absolutely. Though the last major tigerastrophe happened in 1694, so no one's really talking about them anymore.

Why does the Loch Ness monster spend all its time hiding and being mysterious instead of coming out of that lake and getting a proper job?

[Jubal]

It keeps getting rejected for being overqualified for everything. What excessive qualifications it has are unclear.

Why do people outside the UK wrongly call crisps chips?

[The Seamstress]

Why do people inside the UK wrongly call chips crisps? I mean, they're chips-shaped! Just look at them! Chips! Whereas what's called chips inside the UK doesn't look like chips at all, it looks like sticks. Made of potato. Which are called fries, or pommes frites. Really it makes no sense.

How did the UK come up with "crisps", anyway? Why not call it like everyone else?