Fortunately, Unfortunately

[Ierne]

unfortunately, the old, strange gods of cookie rain turned out to be very old and strange, and kept asking for sacrifices of chocolate chips and for their worshipers to speak up, please, and pass the reading glasses.

[Jubal]

Fortunately, the people of earth mostly found this endearing and the old, strange gods of cookie rain became the dominant faith, with Mary Berry becoming their high priestess.

[Othko97]

Unfortunately, Mary Berry, drunk on power, sacrificed the rest of the Great British Bake Off cast (at least as it was before Channel 4 took it over.)

[Jubal]

Fortunately, "sacrifices" to the old, strange gods of cookie rain are just shut in an eternal bake-off tent and are required to make cookies forever.

[Othko97]

Unfortunately, they don't get to eat the delicious cookies, only endlessly bake them.

[Tusky]

Fortunately they get 99% of their pleasure through smell and the cookies also smell very delicious.

[Jubal]

Unfortunately they get the other 1% of their pleasure from the magical essence of the iguana gnomes, and as the iguana gnomes don't actually exist this leaves them permanently 1% dissatisfied.

[Ierne]

Fortunately the progress of evolution is magically speeded up by an explosion in one of those Radioactive Factories that Cause Superpowers and Stuff, causing iguana gnomes to spring into existance in less than a week

[Tusky]

Unfortunately this explosion also gives rise to a dangerous super villain: Captain iguana giant