Spoil a wish

[Jubal]

I wish heatwaves wouldn't exist so I wouldn't feel like mush all the time.

Heatwaves don't exist! Everything is just continually, permanently hot, and you don't feel like mush because you've been sun-baked into a solid brick.

I wish that gin was ginger, it would create good new pun opportunities.

[The Seamstress]

Heatwaves don't exist! Everything is just continually, permanently hot, and you don't feel like mush because you've been sun-baked into a solid brick.

Unbothered. Dehydrated. In my (brick) lane.


Gin is ginger, but the puns are cringe-r.

I wish I could come up with better puns.

[Tusky]

Your puns become incredibly good, making everyone laugh and applaud for ages. People then assume anything you say has a secret joke hidden in it somewhere. You eventually can't have any conversation without someone pretending they "got" your joke and start laughing uncontrollably.

I wish I had a little telly which showed me actual footage of notable historical events (before photography), so I could see exactly what they were like.

[The Seamstress]

You have a telly showing you footage of notable historical events! Unfortunately there's always someone in front of the camera blocking the view. You see almost nothing. It is infuriating.

I wish I was a beautiful fairy living in a beautiful forest.

[Jubal]

You are a beautiful fairy living in a beautiful forest. Beautiful forests are full of nature red in tooth and claw, and you find you spend most of your time avoiding getting eaten by hawks, or just attacked by angry squirrels with weird diseases, or just screwed with by magpies who think it's funny to annoy you. This is all less fun than you anticipated.

I wish that when you found bell-shaped flowers you could ring them and something cute and interesting would happen.

[The Seamstress]

You can ring bell-shaped flowers for something cute and interesting to happen! However, as "something" is very unspecific, the magic goes nowhere. Quite disappointing.

I wish the world turned a little slower.

[Jubal]

The world turns slower. As the seas are pushed outwards by the earth's rotation and the planet isn't strictly spherical, this leads to mass flooding in the further parts of the north and south hemispheres.

I wish I was less bad at languages

[The Seamstress]

You're less bad at languages! You now speak a dozen languages fluently. Your brain is so full of words and sentences in different languages that you mix everything up all the time, resulting in no one understanding what you're saying.

I wish the temperature in my flat was 20°C instead of 27°C.

[Jubal]

The temperature in your flat immediately drops by seven degrees. The resulting energy is expelled in a very concentrated span of time, flattening everything immediately outside said flat. This makes you unpopular with the neighbours.

I wish I'd remembered to bring a mask with me, this train is unusually packed.

[Son of the King]

You remember your mask, but the train is now empty and there's no need for it.

I wish that it hadn't clouded over just as it got dark enough for stars.

[Tusky]

It failed to become cloudy that night. That was the night that a nefarious race of aliens were scouring the earth for their next victim, which they were now easily able to spot without the clouds. It is you.

I wish I had a big tasty cake.

[Jubal]

You have a big tasty cake! It is too big and causes the gravitational orbit collapse of the earth, killing everyone.

I wish I was magically immune to viral diseases.

[The Seamstress]

You're magically immune to viral diseases! You get eaten by bacteria.

I wish human emotions were easier to understand and deal with.

[Jubal]

Human emotions are easier to understand because all emotions other than tiredness are cancelled. We are just all tired always.

I wish I could go to several conference panels at once at conferences.

[The Seamstress]

You can go to several conference panels at once! This was made possible thanks to a magic spell creating seven clones of yourself. After the conference is over though, you have to share your flat and stuff with the seven other Jameses who all claim to be the original one. Chaos ensues.

I wish I was a more interesting person.