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You high-tail out of there and HEAD FOR THE HILLS. You can see a small BARRICADED ENCLOSURE ahead, and the RIVER in the valley below that leads to the COAST.

> ANGUS: Head for THE COAST


INVENTORY

Spoiler

• More Guns
• Some Guns
• Zombie Toe

You mount your TRUSTY STEED. Your TRUSTY STEED is a COW called DORIS.

To where shall you go, Comrade Part'ner?

> ANGUS: Head for THE HILLS
> ANGUS: Head for THE COAST
> ANGUS: Head for THE PRAIRIE

INVENTORY

Spoiler

• More Guns
• Some Guns
• Zombie Toe

You head out to the PRAIRIE, shooting a few ZOMBIES as you go.

> ANGUS: Head back to THE FORT
> ANGUS: Head further WEST


INVENTORY

Spoiler

• More Guns
• Some Guns
• Zombie Toe

You collect a Zombie's toe. You're not sure why.

> ANGUS: Mount TRUSTY STEED


INVENTORY

Spoiler

• More Guns
• Some Guns
• Zombie Toe

This is a variant on "Pants".

Basically, post the titles of famous fictional things, with "on a llama farm" added for humourous effect.

Some starters:
The Battle of Five Armies On A Llama Farm
Gone with the Wind on a Llama Farm
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban on a llama farm
Beowulf on a llama farm
Gulliver's Travels On A Llama Farm

For sharing with us what presents, jokes, odd facts, coloured hats awaited you.

I actually wrote the little sheet with the joke and stuff on it for my family this year, so hope those go down OK (we used a cracker making kit). I can upload them if anyone wants to see just how bad my cracker jokes are...

And once more, it is the 25th of December, and thus Christmas for much of the western world*!

As always, we at Exilian want to wish a happy 25th December to all of you - wherever you are, whether you're reading this or not, whether you're celebrating today or not - but of course especially to all our members, citizens, and staff who've made this such a spectacular year. 2014 will have been our highest posting year ever, the year of our first real-world convention, and has seen many other comings and goings on the site; can we top that in 2015? That's probably up to you!

Best wishes to all, and have a safe and happy Christmas day.

~ From The Exilian Staff ~


*Sorry, Orthodox folk, still two weeks to wait!

[Forgefyre returning on January 10.]

Merry Christmas from the Guns, Swords and Steam team!

Jubal and Hannah are taking a break to get more writing and art done, with Forgefyre returning on January 10. To help spread the Christmas cheed, Hannah's drawn two brilliant greeting cards for this Christmas. One is shown above, and you can see the other here in the latest Forgefyre update. Do show your friends and family the story so far - and we hope you're looking forward to more in the New Year!

Read ForgeFyre Here

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You've only been playing for about two posts and you already want to switch character? You fickle beast of fickleness you.

The faithful PORTUGESE SAILORS have NO TRUCK with your mutineering, and more importantly for your survival NO TRIREME with it shortly thereafter. You are cast overboard into the depths. Your faithlessness has won you no friends here!

Would you like to play again?

~THE END~

There isn't a spider here, you fool. Also, spiders don't have snouts. This latter point is the least of your worries, as you tumble overboard having lost your balance punching a nonexistent spider and plunge to your death in the deep waters of the watery deep.

Would you like to play again?

~THE END~

So I just found out that this forum software has a separate tag called iurl, which opens links in the same window. We should be using this for all the CYOA threads.

Which also means I'd like help updating all the damn things that we've currently got to iurl tags - if anyone has a moment to do some, please do, and then post here to say what you've got done.

I've done all the Adonibal threads, so far.

UPDATE: And the Beesnot threads - still the Khan and Angus to go 

Spiders don't have snouts, you imbecile. Also, it doesn't like being punched, and responds by eating you.

Would you like to play again?

~THE END~

You duly scuttle your ship and send 'er to the bottom of the ocean.

Which turns out not to be very bright, as it involves you and your entire crew drowning.

Would you like to play again?

~THE END~

You sail WEST, and notice a small group of GREAT NAVAL SPIDERS skimming over the water surface towards you.

> ADONIBAL: Punch spider in snout to establish superiority
> ADONIBAL: Talk to spider


INVENTORY

Spoiler

• Pen & Ink
• Paper
• Exilian: A History (in book format)
• Nunchucks
• None

You sail EAST. There is SEA here.

> ADONIBAL: Sail further east


INVENTORY

Spoiler

• Pen & Ink
• Paper
• Exilian: A History (in book format)
• Nunchucks
• None

[Backstory]

MR PICKLES: THE CARD GAME

Backstory
Mr Pickles of Botolph Lane is a kindly old wizard who lives with his cat, Snoozleby, and a number of other companions and occasional guests.

For more details on how on earth this was created:

Spoiler

The full story behind this starts with a time when someone knocked on my door and asked if I was Mr Pickles. I sadly had to inform the delivery guy that I was not, whereupon two things happened. Firstly, the guy went to try the next house. Secondly, I realised that there was, or had been, a Mr Pickles of Botolph Lane. I informed a friend of this, whereupon it was swiftly decided that he was a wizard with a cat called Snoozleby. Added to the family was soon the pre-existing character of Harold the Buntopus, and then it sort of spiralled out of control...

The Game
In the Mr Pickles game, the secrets of one of the artefacts of Botolph Lane must be uncovered. The artefacts will often not make this easy, however, and so it's a race against time to work through the house's various challenges and gain "curiosities" and items that can be used to unravel the mystery. The game consists of drawing and playing cards and using items to attempt quests, which allow the win conditions to be met. It is played collaboratively.

There is a deck of ARTEFACT cards; each artefact has

Also selected at the start of the game, there are CHARACTER cards. Each character card has a number of stats - MAGIC, DREAMS, VIGOUR, and FRIENDLINESS - which may be tested throughout the game. A stat test is usually done by attempting to roll less than or equal to the number on 2d6. Each character also has a bonus special ability.

Each player starts with one ITEM card and can gain more from quests. Usually only one item card can be played each turn - playing a card can have significant benefits, though item cards may also be needed in order to be used to complete quests or fulfil win conditions. There is a large range of items in the deck.

To gain items or curiosities, the QUEST cards are needed. These will give a set of conditions to be met, which a player can attempt. All conditions are effectively attempted simultaneously. If the quest conditions are met, certain gains will be made.

~To Be Completed~

Test Post

So, what did we think, those of us who (now including me) have seen it?


I enjoyed it, there wasn't a great deal of the Tolkien in there but there were some nice references and I thought Richard Armitage (Thorin) really played the character arc well and made the whole thing hang together on that thread.

Pet peeves:
- The love triangle, enough said
- Real continuity issues - the bell thing that lets the company out for the sally battle, the sudden unexpected goats, etc.
- The whole "let's make Alfred cross-dress for a cheap joke" thing felt a bit pointless, I'd have rather had more of the laketown-women being cool and hitting Orcs with spades or whatever.
- I felt that Dain really jarred with my image of him - perhaps more than for any other character in Jackson's movies. I don't think Conolly's Dain Ironfoot will be the one I carry in my head, which is a pity.
- The geography was, um. Arrrrgh.

Best moments:
- Thorin's dying words. Really beautifully played.
- The negotiations & Thorin's character arc were also very neat indeed.
- Bard was actually well played and in-character throughout, I thought the performance there was very good and the Thranduil/Bard/Thorin trio dynamic was worked out well.
- The auction at Bag End was done gloriously
- The giving of the mithril shirt - nice touch.

http://www.rawstory.com/rs/2014/12/what-did-ancient-babylonian-songs-sound-like-something-like-this/

This is pretty cool - an attempt to semi-reconstruct ancient Babylonian and Sumerian music using replica instruments etc.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-30420364

Not that this is news to anyone, but it turns out that torture is ineffective and that America tortured a hell of a lot of people in very brutal conditions.

I think releasing this report was the right thing to do; there should undoubtedly be prosecutions as a result, though I bet there won't be.