Unfortunately, what is near in an absolute sense encompasses a lot more than what is near in a usual human sense.
Everyone on the planet and indeed in the nearest few galaxies now hears Epic Sax Guy simultaneously when you do the Buddy Jesus pose. The hit to the world economy from literally the whole planet hearing the song and getting distracted at once is significant due to the sizeable number of car crashes, aeroplane pilot errors, and other rather major things going wrong. The fact that every animal can also hear it leads to the collapse of bee colonies and other ecosystem failures, leading to widespread starvation in parts of the world. I hope you're happy.
I wish my workplace would move closer to my home to shorten my commute.