Please Don't Punch My Bard
Please do not punch my bard in the face,
G
My bard is so terribly small,
Em D
Please do not punch my bard in the face,
C D G C
I just don’t think he’d like that at all.
G D G
I know you’ve had ale and you seem quite upset,
And I’m sure that the day has been hard,
But despite the vexation I’m sure has occurred,
I’d quite like you to not hurt my bard.
Please do not punch my bard in the face,
My bard is so terribly small,
Please do not punch my bard in the face,
I just don’t think he’d like that at all.
Yes he’s had a rebuke for insulting the duke,
It was not a wise use of a song,
But you’ve met the guy, and you know so have I,
And you can’t really claim he was wrong.
Please do not punch my bard in the face,
Just give him a stiff verbal warning,
Please do not punch my bard in the face,
We’ll be out of this town in the morning
And I know he did things with the Innkeeper’s wife,
That probably shouldn’t be named,
He’s slept round this town’s ladies and some of its men,
And I don’t think he’s even ashamed,
But please do not punch my bard in the face,
For the healing priestess wasn’t spared,
So please do not punch my bard in the face,
I’m not sure I can get him repaired.
It’s not like he poses a physical threat,
Let’s just keep this all in perspective,
There are orcish attacks that will call for your axe
More than bardic-penned streams of invective.
Please do not punch my bard in the face,
It’s a waste of resources and time
Oh, please do not punch my bard in the face,
He’s not technically guilty of crime.
And charisma’s a dump for the rest of my team,
And who else will promote us in verse?
You can tell from this tune that it shouldn’t be me,
And believe me, the half-elf sings worse.
So please do not punch my bard in the face,
For we need him to save these good lands,
Yes, please do not punch my bard in the face,
At least while this world’s fate’s in our hands,
So whilst you may find him annoying as sin,
And I’m often inclined to agree,
Let him give you a wink, put him down on the ground,
Give his lute back and let him go free.
Please do not punch my bard in the face,
He just doesn’t learn much from the pain,
He’s been punched in the face in the last dozen towns,
And there’s no point in trying again!