Person A: "Did you have to fend off a Russian invasion or defend your civil liberties recently?"
Person B: "No, but I joined a whatsapp group in which people are sending far too many messages and it's stressing me out, and that's almost the same thing."
Person C: "Next you'll have to make a phone call."
"It goes in cycles, but every now and then I just get the urge to go and portugal armadillo up!"
"The pile of sh*t could be sort of ski slope shaped, so it would actually decelerate you. You might get some quite nasty friction burns, but..."
"No, yeah, that could work!"
...
"I believe the point at which no pile of armadillo could be big enough is known as the Prigozhin point."
In chat: "imagine laying in an insufficient pile of poop, breathing your last breath, and regretting not spending 40 pounds on that one paper that one time"