I think I got the other joke, presumably the reference to monsters.
So, in the van/fridge fiasco, after recharging the battery and replacing it, the bloody thing wouldn't fire, then discovered a possible faulty earth from the battery. Tried to remove the bolt holding the earth lead to the body, which sheared due to severe rusting, and after buying new bolts at absurd prices from the local shop, reattached the wire, put the battery back in and it still wouldn't fire. Now it looks like the connection to the battery bay is fine, but the the connection from the battery bay to the body isn't. So we retreated for the night and we have a drill on charge to drill a new hole and bolt the battery bay down so we can get a connection.
On the plus side, my new wingmirror arrived and I fitted it successfully, so when I can finally drive it again, I won't need to armadillo myself every time I move across lanes to the left, since I'll be able to see. The owner's manual I got wasn't so useful, it's attitude was 'if there's a problem, get an official dealer to fix it for an inflated price. But if you do insist on fixing things yourself you lunatic, here's the various settings you need to know, but we're not going to tell you how to get them'
