Messages

16

Forum Games - The Beer Cellar! / Re: Ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer

« on: August 25, 2020, 09:25:23 PM »

It's all calculated using complex algorithms based on the ratio of
old people+horse brasses+pints:tourists+hipster decor+cake mysteriously described as 'artisan'

what even is an artisan cake???

17

Forum Games - The Beer Cellar! / Re: Ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer

« on: August 25, 2020, 05:04:46 PM »

chicken nuggets

chicken nuggets: yes or yes?

18

Forum Games - The Beer Cellar! / Re: Fortunately, Unfortunately

« on: August 25, 2020, 05:03:44 PM »

Fortunately, at this point, the Mighty Mushroom was mainly interested in what on earth silly string was, as it had never seen such a substance before

19

Forum Games - The Beer Cellar! / Re: Fortunately, Unfortunately

« on: August 21, 2020, 02:48:53 AM »

unfortunately, the sucession of the rapid response squad made the bandits very jealous - they were formerly the most revered squad of any kind in all of Somewhere That Isn't Spagetti Western Land But Could Be.

20

Forum Games - The Beer Cellar! / Re: Ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer

« on: August 21, 2020, 02:44:35 AM »

may i recommend our latest product, anti-wild metaphor repellent*, three quick sprays on your jacket and the metaphors won't come near! only 3.99 and available in all reputable pharmacies and trail shops!
_{*not to be confused with anti-wild meteor defence spray, which will render an attacking metaphor unconcious, but will have the same effect on you if you try and spray it on you jacket.}

how can i make my fantasy stories simultaneously both highly original and exactly what the reader was hoping for???

21

Forum Games - The Beer Cellar! / Re: Spoil a wish

« on: August 21, 2020, 02:37:42 AM »

your ocarina is no longer out of tune, because it is no longer a musical instrument- reality has been shaped to my perception of it, namely a wild misunderstanding of the zelda games, which i do not actually play, and all ocarinas are now magical time portals and also do not actually exist.


I wish the people who write fantasy tv shows and reboots always got the continuity perfect.

22

Forum Games - The Beer Cellar! / Re: Prove Up Is Down

« on: August 13, 2020, 12:11:24 AM »

I can absolutely guarantee that every letter in the Chronicles of Narnia also appears in the UN conventions. The problem is with the words. At a first glance, one cannot see the words 'Aslan' or 'parallel universe' occuring with any frequency in, say, a resolution on nuclear disarmament. However, this is looking at things in an entirely too simplistic way. One has to ask oneself - are we concerned with the letter of the law, or the spirit of the law? International law is intended to establish principles which everybody should, theoretically at least, be able to agree on. The Chronicles of Narnia consist in large part of principles of this kind, including such wisdom as 'it's probably best to stay away from dragons', 'fish and chips are always welcome, even when being chased by homicidal ice mages', and 'if you run towards danger then at least you don't risk finding it behind you where you weren't expecting'. Therefore, if one reads international law with a sufficiently open mind, one is able to see through its mere mortal print and into the very soul of the thing - which is, of course, the Chronicles of Narnia.

Prove that Batman was the inventor of custard.

23

Forum Games - The Beer Cellar! / Re: Spoil a wish

« on: August 13, 2020, 12:00:14 AM »

You can. Unfortunately, the characters from your stories ask you such deep metaphysical questions about the nature of reality and their own existance, the question of free will and determinism in fictional worlds, and how much jam costs in Uzbekistan, that you get confused and spend the next week firmly convinced that you are, in fact, a small jar of Uzbekistani marmalade.

I wish I could get Chinese takeaway at 3am without waking my housemates up.

24

Forum Games - The Beer Cellar! / Re: Fortunately, Unfortunately

« on: August 12, 2020, 11:55:14 PM »

Unfortunately the wild new financial sucess of this small town has attracted a problem- bandits. Specifically, armed with silly string.

25

Forum Games - The Beer Cellar! / Re: Ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer

« on: August 12, 2020, 11:53:12 PM »

Obviously, why has no one thought of this sooner??

What is the best metaphor to describe the nature of reality? I'm not sure a cat in a box quite covers it for me.

26

Poetry and Artistic Writing / Re: Jubal's poems

« on: August 03, 2020, 07:40:27 PM »

oh gosh yes, 'probably ritual' as code for 'we have no idea' is one of the funniest things in archaeology XD
I'll take that

27

Writing, Poems, AARs, and Stories - The Storyteller's Hall / Re: Jubal's Writing Blog

« on: July 30, 2020, 02:58:52 AM »

Exciting news!

28

Poetry and Artistic Writing / Re: Jubal's poems

« on: July 27, 2020, 10:28:01 PM »

That's a beautiful poem and I completely agree with it, too

(another favourite sentiment is - let mine be the grave that is puzzling to archaeologists

29

Arts, Crafts, Music & Drama - The Artisans' Guilds / Re: Mountain Leopards: An Adventuring Story

« on: July 14, 2020, 10:38:25 PM »

Take all the time you need I'm really enjoying this and happy to wait for more

30

Forum Games - The Beer Cellar! / Re: Fortunately, Unfortunately

« on: July 14, 2020, 10:20:33 PM »

Unfortunately, the international tomato-sauce producers federation becomes jealous of the runaway sucess of this new tomato sauce, and
began to draw up dastardly schemes against the town.