Prove Up Is Down

[Tusky]

Known for flexibility in a range of tactical situations and the ability to have different ways of reaching the enemy at range, Madonna has utilised guitars, drums, and on one occasion a cowbell as the situation demanded

This made me laugh aplenty

[Jubal]

Anyone going to take up the "Prove that Bhutan is Asgard"?

[Tusky]

What is now Bhutan was long ago discovered by Norse explorers. Most of their mythology was inspired by what they found there.

For example Asgard is supposed to be surrounded by a vast wall. This comes from Bhutan being entirely landlocked. Not just by land, of course, but also actual  mountains. Nature's walls.

"Asgard mountain" is a fairly obvious anagram of "drags a mountain". This was an attempt by the explorers to poetically describe Bhutan's majesty. After all since she absorbs the Eastern edge of the Himalayas, you could imagine that the country is attempting to drag them Eastwards into the sea. For what purpose? That remains a mystery only those Norse explorers could tell us.

Prove that Google is the Nile

[Jubal]

Google is a misspelling of Googol. Nile is one letter from being nine, and must thus be a misspelling of it. They are both therefore numbers.

x = y.
Then x2 = xy.
Subtract the same thing from both sides:
x2 - y2 = xy - y2.
Dividing by (x-y), obtain
x + y = y.
Since x = y, we see that
2 y = y.
Thus 2 = 1, since we started with y nonzero.
Subtracting 1 from both sides,
1 = 0.

As 1 = 0, all numbers are the same, since any number can be made by adding up enough ones, and they're all equal to 0 anyway.

Therefore a googol equals nine and google is the nile.





Prove that cows are templar knights.

[Ierne]

as anyone who has watched the film National Treasure will be well aware, Thomas Jefferson was a Templar Knight. As anyone who has read Thomas Jefferson's wikipedia page is aware, Thomas Jefferson was not a Templar Knight.
Since the film National Treasure and wikipedia are both widely known to be unreliable sources of information, it is therefore impossible to casually observe whether or not Thomas Jefferson was a Templar Knight. Untill it becomes possible to casually observe this, Thomas Jefferson must be considered to be simultaneously both a Templar Knight and Not a Templar Knight. Therefore, Thomas Jefferson is by a process of logical deduction actually Schrodinger's cat. If a cat can be a Templar Knight, it stands to reason that a cow can also be a Templar Knight. Therefore, cows are Templar Knights.

Prove that Louis the Fourteenth of France was an early prop aircraft.

[Tusky]

The first clues that Louis the fourteenth was a prop plane can be found in his title of "sun king", which historians would later discover was given due to his tendancy to roam around in the sky, close to the sun.

This suspicion grew after one of his many pushes to broaden the empire of France. He sent forces to America to take land from the Native American people. He would settle French nationals there and re-name it "Louisiana" after himself.
Many wonder how they got there - and concluded that he must have flown them there on his back, using his prop technology as an advantage over sluggish sea ships. The fact that this must have been true can be seen to this day in Louisiana, where the people still have a fascination with prop planes like Louis. Probably the most obvious manifestation of this was the 1910 New Orleans Aviation Tournament where so called "birdmen" were invited to the city to show off their prop planes and to do king Louis XIV impressions.

The king was highly protective over his groundbreaking abilities as a prop plane. He jealously expunged anything which could threaten that position. It was for this reason that he ordered the destruction of Protestant churches, and the expulsion of Protestant clergy because he thought that the word "protestant" sounded a little too similar to propeller.
Despite this he is remembered for having ushered in a golden age of art and literature, and for demonstrating that a wing shaped propeller would be far more efficient that screw design propellers that had been known for centuries, and used in tools and boats.

These days his status as one of the most important early prop planes is beyond refute. However it would only be after his lengthy 72 year reign that engineers would truly unlock the efficiency of the propeller to over 90%, adding extra propellers and replacing the round tip blades with wider rectangular ones. Even so it is thought that Louis managed to get an impressive 82% efficiency from his propellers, and an airspeed of 111 mph. This would only later be bested by the Sopwith Dragon, built in 1918 by the RAF and was able to achieve a top speed of a whopping 150 mph.

Prove that Russia is the band: Queen

[Jubal]

Fundamentally, what is a country? Here we answer that a country is no more and no less than its national character, its philosophical position and state in the world: for the land areas of countries change, people come and go, and therefore it is this fundamental question of character to which we must turn. So, what is Russia? Russia is Russia's character.

Therefore, we must see if we can create a set of maxims that sum up elements of the Russian lifestyle.

First, Russia is a country known to be entirely populated by secret agents, double agents, the mafia, supermodels, Orthodox priests, accordion players, accordions that have eaten their players to gain sapience, headscarf wearing grandmothers, and bears on unicycles. It is, in short, an inexplicable place. This we will sum up with the maxim, "A Kind of Magic".
Second, Russia is a greatly expansionist nation that sees itself as holding dominion over the world. This we will sum up with the maxim, "I Want It All."
Third, Russia operates by the suppression of its populace by authoritarian rulers. This we will sum up with the maxim, "Under Pressure".
Fourth, Russia is brutal in the deposition of leaders and subjects alike in order to allow new ones to take their place. This we will sum up with the maxim, "Another one Bites the Dust".
Fifth, Russia believes in its own greatness above all else. This we will sum up with the maxim "We Are The Champions".
Sixth and last, it is well known that Russians drink themselves to death. This we will sum up with the maxim, "Who wants to live forever?"

I have therefore across these six points demonstrated the fundamental character of Russia to be identical to a Queen set-list, which in turn is an indication of the fundamental character of Queen, who for these purposes we may model as being exactly the same as a polity. Indeed, my friends, exactly the same as a specific polity, for there can be no doubt in the reader's mind that Queen IS Russia, in the truest possible of senses.



Genuine disclaimer: the above does not represent in any way the genuine viewpoints of its author. For one thing, Russia could actually do with more accordions.



Right, prove that the Council of Niceaea was in fact a bowl of pasta salad.

[Ierne]

The most notable aspect of the Council of Nicaea is the conspiracy theories.
Therefore, when discussing the Council of Nicaea, I am formally entitled under international law to use the logic of conspiracy theories.
*clears throat*
"I don't have to prove that the Council of Nicaea was a pasta salad. you can't prove it wasnt, and that means it was, and you're just too brainwashed by the toxins the FBI put in the water to believe!!!!"

Prove that the Oxford dictionary isn't actually printed in alphabetical order

[Jubal]

If it was printed in alphabetical order it would be acD defhii nOoorrttxy. Done.


Prove that international law is actually the Chronicles of Narnia.

[Ierne]

I can absolutely guarantee that every letter in the Chronicles of Narnia also appears in the UN conventions. The problem is with the words. At a first glance, one cannot see the words 'Aslan' or 'parallel universe' occuring with any frequency in, say, a resolution on nuclear disarmament. However, this is looking at things in an entirely too simplistic way. One has to ask oneself - are we concerned with the letter of the law, or the spirit of the law? International law is intended to establish principles which everybody should, theoretically at least, be able to agree on. The Chronicles of Narnia consist in large part of principles of this kind, including such wisdom as 'it's probably best to stay away from dragons', 'fish and chips are always welcome, even when being chased by homicidal ice mages', and 'if you run towards danger then at least you don't risk finding it behind you where you weren't expecting'. Therefore, if one reads international law with a sufficiently open mind, one is able to see through its mere mortal print and into the very soul of the thing - which is, of course, the Chronicles of Narnia.

Prove that Batman was the inventor of custard.

[Jubal]

Batman is and has always been a very misunderstood chef, hence all his attempts to take people into custardy and thus show them the magnificence of his pastry creations. This also explains his ultimate frustrations with a place literally called "Got Ham" - a clearly savoury food that clashes with his position as a frustrated pastry chef. This also explains his high investment in technology: the precise thermal regulation needed for a perfect custard is important in producing a perfect product. But did he invent custard? Well, the word comes from the same etymological route as crust, and can anyone think of a more crusty hero than Batman? Consider too, his motif of the bat - a combination of a flying creature, thus relating to the birds he needs to produce egg yolk, yet also a mammal, indicating the production of dairy products. What do you make with egg yolk and dairy products? Custard, my friends. You make custard.

Prove that whales are made of lead.

[Tusky]

We all know whales swim and float. But how? Conventional science blames "blubber" but consider this: fat sinks. Think of fatty cubes of chorizo in a casserole or a chilli. They aren't floating around are they? So, something else must be keeping those whales buoyant. What's denser than fat, yet magically buoyant? Metal submarines!   

Whales communicate with sonar clicks. But what emits those clicks? Lead. When you hit it it makes a clicking sound...  String together enough of those, and you've got yourself a delightful whale song!
Captain Ahab chased Moby Dick for years, unable to kill him with harpoons. Why? Because, of course, whales are made of metal.
Whales spend their lives in salt water, yet their blubber doesn't corrode? Lead, on the other hand, forms a protective layer in salty water. Blubber? Just a lead whale's natural self-preservation system.

Prove that all hurdygurdy music is actually the evil discordant attempts of shamans to summon creatures from some mysterious nether-realm