Would you rather?

[Glaurung]

Fife - there's no Kingdom of Lute that I know of, nor even a county of that name.

Bacon butty or burger?

[Jubal]

Bacon butty! Not to be shared with any Liberal Democrat Councillors at present under any circumstances

Carpenter bee or beefly?

[Caradìlis]

Carpenter bee. We have lots of them in our woodpiles and I love them.

Purple or Calendar

[Jubal]

Purple. I don't like calendars.

Molotov cocktail or prawn cocktail?

[Glaurung]

Prawn cocktail: I know how to make one, and I won't get horribly burnt if I try to eat it.

Anduin or Sirion?

[Jubal]

Sirion, before the world was marred and the lands lost under wave.

Get the power to turn into a woolly mammoth, or the power to turn into a triceratops?

[Glaurung]

Triceratops, I think; woolly mammoths would probably not cope well with current UK conditions.

Hobnobs or Jaffa cakes?

[Jubal]

Hobnobs. I don't care about the jaffa cake biscuit/cake debate at all, but I do care that they're kind of mediocre, whereas hobnobs are excellent.

Suddenly turn irreversibly purple, or suddenly have a nose (which will continue to remain attached and more or less function) made of gold?

[Tusky]

Gold nose, to avoid the inevitable Thanos / Barney / [insert purple character pigeonholing here] nicknames

Win a Grand Piano or 3 washing machines

[Jubal]

A grand piano. My washing machine has plenty of warranty and I don't need to open a laundrette. I'd struggle with where to put a grand piano, mind.

Butterflies or songbirds?

[Tusky]

Butterflies. The look quite nice and don't make a bloody racket first thing in the morning! *old man grumbling*

To as bad as the seagulls, mind.

Seagulls or cockrels?

[Jubal]

Seagulls

The Greenpeace Empire of Carthage, or Wibulnubniblia (No Marcuses Allowed)?

[Glaurung]

Carthage, definitely. My name is too close to "Marcus" for me to be allowed Wibulnubniblia.

Spaghetti or fusilli?

[Jubal]

Fusili, definitely. Not a huge spaghetti fan (I'll eat it very happily, but I'll go for other pasta shapes first). Fusili is basically my staple diet pasta.

Crocodiles or zombie pirates controlled by parasitic catfish?

[Glaurung]

Crocodiles - parasitised things just make my skin crawl. And it's not like choosing a thing here means I actually have to do anything with it, is it?

Dragons or unicorns?