Nations of Nyselia

[Tom]

So this thread is going to be about the new, fairly rubbishy text based RPG that I am trying to make.

I'm going to throw in some fairly good backstory (I hope) and stuff surrounding the gameworld, or at least that's the plan although be warned, my creative writing skills are a bit rusty.

Here's a brief overview of the land of Nyselia:

In the ancient and wondrous land of Nyselia there are five powerful city state nations. In the Great Forest of the North there lies the proud Nation of Dratia, renowned for its hunting grounds and its huge lumber yards; Dratia is a city of great prosperity. In the wild grasslands of Nyselia there is the majestic city of Iaios, the trade hub of the land, its merchants wear flowing silks and dine on rare delicacies whilst their underlings hawk their wares in the great forum. On the great western coast, nestled in the Shard mountain range, is the port of Osecia from which overseas trade is conducted, the source of the river of gold that runs through the land of Nyselia. In the Shai Desert of the South there is the oasis city of Erilia from which the famed silks, wines and papyrus of the desert come. In the foothills of the east from which great volcanoes rise is the city of Utashini where the great magma forges are worked, producing the finest weapons and armor in the land and vast armies are trained, all for sale to the highest bidder of course.

Dangers are to be found all over the land, Orc strongholds to be cleansed, Bandits to bring to justice and assorted dungeons and caverns to explore. The roads of Nyselia are not safe, with no one city state willing to guard disputed roots between cities.
Within cities there are taverns or inns where quests can be obtained and where weary travellers can rest their heads. There are also markets where all manner of goods can be bought and sold, weapons, armour, food and raw materials such as wood or steel. By doing quests you gain a reputation and when this gets high enough you can go to the town hall of a city to receive a quest from a mayor of the city, often these will involve sabotage or clearing a dungeon. Other activities are available in cities, you can fish, cut wood, smelt, hunt and many other things (if I can be bothered) to gain both money and experience.

That should give you a nice overview on the feudal/capitalist/democracy thingy idk, fantasy, medieval world I'm trying to create for you guys here. Now I just need to get off my ass and make it.

I'm also going to start to try and post a short story from each city during development, the text from the stories will almost certainly be used in the game at some point.


Thanks for reading all of this and not getting bored.

[Jubal]

Yay, looking forward to seeing more on this!

(Even if I have qualms about ascribing capitalism to pseudo-medieval worlds. Historian twitch. )

[Tom]

Fantasy setting but I should probably change it to feudal or something, if you could tell I like history but not enough to get any good at it.

[Jubal]

I'd just stick with "fantasy", at least until you've delved a lot deeper into how the economic and political systems of each city-state works (which you're under no obligation to do, though if you want that level of detail and don't want to write it give me a shout as I can literally come up with unusual and interesting historically quirky systems until doomsday). 

Anyhow, some more feedback/questions:
- I like the five nations thing, it's not an uncommon trope and reminds me a bit of Calradia but the city-state thing differentiates it quite neatly 
- Presumably each city-state has a hinterland - beyond the hinterlands is it mostly petty lordships and villages, or simply wastelands/bandits?
- Utashini sounds like a particularly neat idea
- How are skills etc going to work?
- What species are there, is it pretty much humans and orcs only or are there others?

[Tom]

Point taken on the whole politics thing ATM they're all ruled by a mayor although the mayor may or may not be democratically elected (maybe only by the upper class). I might well take you up on that offer a bit later.
There are going to be surrounding villages but I need to a) think of some names and b) implement them in my travel system. If I made them with an inn and a shop and one minigame/activity to do it might be worth it?
Thanks, Utashini is also the first city I've done some writing for
Skills atm are very basic, there are three starting classes, archer/huntsman, Mage and warrior. The way it works is when you get 50xp you get offered to level up one of the classes. When this is done you get +10 hp and a half boost to your major skill and a quarter boost to a minor skill (for a huntsman accuracy is the major skill and agility is the minor skill). This makes some kind of sense what with the damage being worked out by averaging three of the 5 skills that I've decided most fit a class. I'm hoping to offer some sort of skill tree, like you reach level five as an archer and you can become a thief or an assassin.
At the moment you can fight bandits, orcs, trolls, goblins, wolves and bears (orcs being defined as goblins trolls and orcs) I want to add elves too, maybe you have to travel across the sea though. There are golems (think going postal golems from the discworld) but they are like slaves, working in dangerous locales

[Jubal]

Free the golems! Liberation!

Sounds a pretty good set of enemies. I think making the upgrades very career based would work well, that's fairly common in pen and paper RPGs but surprisingly infrequent in computer games. 

Why not have random generation for villages, of the sort whereby you can "go find a village" when on the road? You could then make a name generator quite easily and they could have a range of possible random features, such that you wouldn't need to code in loads of them (in fact literally one, or five if the different regions were to have different templates).

[Tom]

That sounds like a great idea but what if the player wanted o go back to a particular village, if I make them small hamlets and you can do fishing, hunting farming mining stuff like that to earn money and maybe like in mount and blade where you could encounter an infested village. Plus I'm lazy so saving work on that will be good for me I'm thinking of doing a chain of events you could start by accepting a quest from someone in a particular town to do a particular thing and their quests could begin to escalate.
Thanks for all the ideas though its really really helpful

[Tom]

Okay, first short piece of story for Utashini.

As you trudge down the road towards the city of Utashini you are filled with awe at the spectacle ahead of you. Rivers of magma run down the side of the dark, ashen volcano backing on to the city, spitting and bubbling as they run through the shimmering black granite wall and in to the city. Behind the wall towering above you you hear the clanging of anvils as the caravans of iron ore from the surrounding foothills are refined over the towering magma furnaces in to the finest steel. Giant clay golems pound the near molten metal in to plates with their renowned strength for the master blacksmiths to work in to blades and armor for the legions. Great weapon smiths run the molten steel in to huge casts for the mighty artillery batteries of the assorted Nations of Nyselia. The legions of the Utashini drill out on the ash plains in front of the city, thousands of men levied from the surrounding towns drilling in complete silence apart from the tramping of their boots and the ringing of arms, a marvelous if unnerving sight to see.

As you pass beneath the gateway and enter the city you are struck by the clamoring activity in and around the forges, it seems that the legend is true; the forges of Utashini never sleep. You head through the soot stained streets of the city, ankle deep in ash, heading towards the inn for a bite to eat and a place to rest your head. As you crack open the door you are overwhelmed by the revelry of the occupants inside. You push yourself through the throngs of off duty workers, their faces smudged but their eyes bright as they booze and sing, towards the bar. Upon reaching your destination you sit heavily on an empty barstool and order yourself an ale only to be interrupted by a great oaf of a man who looms behind you. You turn cautiously towards the giant, "Oi," he grunts, "why you steal my ale?” The whole bar goes silent in anticipation of the inevitable fight; you decide to get this over with before it starts. You burst upwards, an explosively powerful uppercut straight in to the man’s chin, he crumples to the ground like a sack of potatoes. Outraged at this stranger who has just brought down their compatriot the whole tavern explodes in to an uncontrolled brawl, fists, chairs and bottles flying, using the confusion you sneak away in to the night. It hasn't gone exactly as you planned so far but you might as well do the job and get out tonight, taking advantage of the town guard being distracted by the brawl which was now spilling on to the street.

You sneak through the foundries and smithies in the town center, keeping to the shadows, helped by the steady falling drifts of ash and soot which conceal you as well as any magic could. Moving lightly on your feet you pad towards the town hall and your target, keeping an eye and an ear out for any guards that may be patrolling the area. As you near the stained marble pillar guarding the entrance to the town hall, you see the flicker of a torch off the walls of the houses either side of the square. Moving swiftly you duck down behind the pillar cursing your presumption that the guards would all be distracted, this is a large town after all, not some poxy village. As the soldiers advance round the square chatting and laughing you shift from your position, peeking around the pillar to see how many soldiers are present in the patrol. However, as you move back behind the pillar you accidentally shift the drift of ash coating the stairs, sending an avalanche of ash rushing down the steps towards the soldiers. You hunker down and pray their interest was not peaked. “What was that?” whispered one man to his comrades, “I’m sure I heard something from up there.” His voice tense and filled with worry he appealed to his friends. “Stop worrying,” one of the patrol said, “There is nothing to concern you in the city, our walls see to that mate, all them monsters and thieves you worry about live out there, not in here.”If only that was true you think to yourself as you roll a thermal pod down the steps towards them. The youngest member of the group, still on edge, moved to investigate the pod, calling over his mates to see this strange contraption. Upon seeing the pod, one of the more experienced members of the squad recognized it for what it was but by then it was too late for them all. The thermal pod combusted with intense heat, melting the poor men crowded around it in an instant as you shoulder charge the town hall door and gain access to the mayor’s quarters. Charging up the stairs, recalling the floor plan you memorized earlier, you dash towards the bedroom of the mayor, facing the square. Not pausing for an instance you charge through the bedroom door, knocking it off its hinges and on to the ground with a crash to the surprised yell of the mayor and squeals of the whores crowding in his room. “Wh, wh, who are you?” the mayor stutters, clearly unnerved by the dark robed figure standing in his room. Without a word, you remove your throwing knife from your robes and launch it in one swift movement, catching him between his eyes. His last breath leaves him with a gurgle and the whores scream and run from the room as you stride towards his desk, you pick the lock and slide open the draw revealing the blueprints that were a secondary part of your contract, “Easy money,” you think to yourself as you tuck them inside your jacket. Now to escape.

[Tom]

Second part of Utashini:

You make your way out of the French doors leading to the balcony and clamber over the railing on to the edge. You can see the whores scampering through the empty streets, soon to be not so empty as their wails of anguish attract the soldiers. You scamper to the roof on all fours before sprinting and making a flying leap between the town hall and a neighbouring house. Shouts of surprise fill the space behind you as the soldiers notice your passage between the rooftops but you carry on running, heedless of the danger. Careening along the roof tiles you thank the thick layer of ash on the tiles for muffling your footsteps as you make your way towards the main wall. As you leave the shouts of your pursuers behind you, you see the dull glow of the torches lighting the wall. You sprint to the edge of the rooftop and leap, hanging in space for what seems like eternity before landing with a deft roll on the walkway. You get to your feet and brush yourself down before heading towards the gatehouse in a low crouch. Once there you knock sharply at the door, you hear a man slowly making his way towards the door, joking with his fellow along the way, completely at ease. Obviously, news of the mayor’s assassination hadn't reached the gatehouse yet. You draw your knife and as the door is opened you ram the blade upwards, cutting through his oesophagus, trachea and spinal cord before pulling clear and letting his body fall to the floor. Bursting through the door as the corpse you throw your knife towards the other guard, spearing them through the eye. Blood sprays over the wall as the man grabs at his now mutilated eye socket and slides with a groan down the wall. Two down one to go. You sense the last man rushing towards you from behind, so you spin around and lash out in a vicious kick, grunting with satisfaction as you feel it connect with the man's ribs, cracking them as you do so. You duck in close to prevent him from wielding his blade effectively and lash your head forwards, crimson blood misting the air as his nose is spread over his face. With a wild cry he strikes blindly at your head, quickly you raise your vambrace hidden under your robes and parry the blow, sliding the blade off your guard and on to his own thigh. He screams in pain and crumples forward with a sharp blow to his temple you knock him unconscious, "There have been enough deaths today," you mutter to yourself, "if only they didn't all try to fight."

 
You retrieve your knife from the eye socket of the now dead man slumped against the wall and wipe it off on your robes before walking down the steps of the gatehouse and out in front of the gate. Crouching low, you creep up behind one of the guards on duty, wrapping your arm around his neck, choking him unconscious in seconds. The other guard turns towards you and you punch out with your dagger, leaving a thin slice across his forehead. With a grin he stalks towards you, crouching low, spear at the ready.  As he readies himself to stab at you his cut opens up and a sheet of blood pours down in to his eyes. Taking advantage of your foes temporary blindness you dash towards the sally port, lifting the locking bar and throwing the heavy studded oak door open before running out in to the night and making good your escape.

Feel free to comment on my writing and give me feedback and stuff, it would be much appreciated.

[Jubal]

Sorry, I'll fire some feedback over tomorrow evening once I've got this week's essay written. 

[Tom]

Thanks should I post the backstory over in the story section or should I keep it here?

[Jubal]

I'd keep it here, makes sense to have the whole project in one place - unless you end up writing so much that you're literally writing a separate story as well as the game in which case moving some bits over might make sense.

[Tom]

Yeah that makes sense

[Jubal]

Utashini feedback

- I like the idea that the people of Utashini are just "the Utashini"
- How big is the town & hence how big are the legions? I'm guessing comparatively small?
- Do golems fight for the Utashini? If not why not?
- What do you need for an artillery piece that's actually made out of cast iron? Or are they actually making cannon?
- French doors? Where is France in this? Consider renaming/rewording
- Note that the area beyond the volcano itself should be really very fertile - volcanic ash is fantastic fertiliser.
- I'm fairly sure weaponsmith is one word.
- Is the death rate from breathing problems very high in Utashini? Because that quantity of volcanic ash sounds like it should cause serious progressive lung damage (possibly even make this a game mechanic for anyone not wearing a face mask in Utashini!)
- You can't choke someone unconscious in seconds; I'm pretty sure that's strangling you're thinking of, speaking from experience of both. (In case you didn't know, choking is cutting off the air supply, and it takes a good couple of minutes for that to cause unconciousness from lack of oxygen; it's also very uncomfortable so the target is likely to thrash around a lot. Strangulation, far more dangerous albeit actually less painful, is cutting off the blood supply (either the jugular vein, carotid artery, or both), which causes unconciousness in around fifteen seconds, brain damage after thirty and death in under a minute.
- You occasionally miss out apostrophes, it should be "taking advantage of your foe's temporary blindness" for example
- A few more commas, semicolons and dashes wouldn't hurt. Try speaking it out loud - where you naturally pause in your speech there should be a punctuation mark.

Hope that helps

[Tom]

Thanks a lot for the feed back, I'll have a edit of it later today to try and sort some of that out. I guess i rely on spellcheck too much. :/

In news of the actual game I'm hoping to finish an early version by the end of february halfterm.