The Christmas Cracker Thread

[Jubal]

For sharing with us what presents, jokes, odd facts, coloured hats awaited you.

I actually wrote the little sheet with the joke and stuff on it for my family this year, so hope those go down OK (we used a cracker making kit). I can upload them if anyone wants to see just how bad my cracker jokes are...

[Silver Wolf]

[comrade_general]

just how bad my cracker jokes are...

Racist! This is outrageous!

[Jubal]

SW:

CG: My dear Cowman, as much as I love you to bits, I'm vaguely trying to enjoy Christmas despite struggling with quite a bit of pain today and I would *really* appreciate it if you let up on the trolling. Please? 

[Silver Wolf]

Okay, let me start first:

My Christmas tree: (stuffed in a limited space  )

Spoiler

And the present which I wrapped for my girlfriend:

Spoiler

The presents for my family were just placed in decorative bags. I didn't remember to take a photo of those...
I think I wrapped that present pretty well.

[comrade_general]

I got a kindle fire.

What's inside that box Wolfie?

[Silver Wolf]

A Christmas mug, 2 Kinder buenos (black and white chocolate), brown bear hoodie (complete with ears and a round tail), a box of chocolates, six big jelly insects (she loves insects), a small red diary (imitation of leather), a plush withe tiger and a bag of jelly sweets.
And quite possibly a drawing of Doctor and Amy if I manage to finish it in time... 

[Lady Grey]

SW: N'awwwh

I have been totally spoiled this year. SotK got me a freestanding electric mixer, a cafetière, some Sherlock books (Moriarty by Anthony Horowitz and Mrs. Hudson's Diaries), some Portal cookie cutters, some boxes from Lush, a Tolkien Dictionary that is beautifully bound, a bobble head Loki, some tea and coffee, lots of sweets and chocolates, a Targaryen House notebook, socks, pyjamas, Trivial Pursuit (which is my favourite party game ever). I'm sure I've missed things.
Seriously, he's been so so kind.
SotK appreciation post.

[Jubal]

My cracker jokes went down well. I did everyone a joke, an animal fact, and a quote

Spoiler

~ Christmas Quote ~
At Christmas I no more desire a rose, Than wish a snow in May's new-fangled shows; But like of each thing that in season grows.
Shakespeare (Love's Labours' Lost)
~ Wildife fact ~
Emperor penguin males fast for 9 weeks and lose 45% of their weight whilst incubating an egg.
~ Joke ~
Q: A genie gave an old woman a midwinter wish. Seeing her house in a mess, she made her wish – but was dismayed to see the building turn into a Christmas tree. What went wrong?
A: She wished for it to be "spruced up"!

~ Christmas Quote ~
"Gunnar took that offer, and every man thought him a man of great worth. At Yule the Earl gave him a gold ring."
Njal's Saga Ch. 31
~ Wildife fact ~
The Arctic Fox is Iceland's only native land mammal.
~ Joke ~
A man whose wife was a weather forecaster came in excited to work just before Christmas, despite it being grey and wet with no sign of snow. When asked why, he just repeated what his wife had said: "There'll be more rain, dear!"

~ Christmas Quote ~
"'Penguins don't live at the North Pole,' you will say.  I know they don't, but we have got some all the same."
JRR Tolkien (The Father Christmas Letters)
~ Wildife fact ~
The radiative properties of polar bear fur are so similar to those of snow that they are often almost invisible to infra-red cameras.
~ Joke ~
Q: On which festiva do we ceebrate the ord bein aid in a manger, wrapped in swadding cothes, born in a humbe stabe?
A: Noel!

~ Christmas Quote ~
"And nobody knows (Tiddley-pom), how cold my toes (tiddley-pom), how cold my toes are growing"
AA Milne (The House at Pooh Corner)
~ Wildife fact ~
Unlike other cetaceans, Beluga whales can move their head around relative to the rest of their body.
~ Joke ~
Q: A lawyer went downstairs on Christmas Eve, late at night, to sit by the fire and finish some work on a contract. Why did he end up being extremely surprised?
A: There was a hidden Claus!

~ Christmas Quote ~
"There are such a lot of things that have no place in summer and autumn and spring... And then when everything's quiet and white and the nights are long and most people are asleep—then they appear."
Tove Jansson (Moominland Midwinter)
~ Wildife fact ~
Narwhal tusks can contain up to ten million nerve endings.
~ Joke ~
Q: Why did all of Santa's little helpers end up on the "Naughty" list and get sticks and coal this year for the fiftieth time running?
A: They'd been too elfish!

Thoughts? I'm not great at joke writing, but I seem to be at least on par with actual cracker joke writers



Presents! Only done the family ones so far, some still to go - my main ones were a coffee table (from parents) which is basically carved to look like a pile of books, and my sister got me an autoharp (another one for the weird instrument collection, it's beautiful). And two books from my Grandpa. Much yays Will update further when stockings have happened.

My presents for family went down well I think - a book for my Grandpa, a book and socks for my Pa, a picture in a frame for Ma, and a new cake tin and a glass food serving plate for my sister.

Tea - which of the Tolkien dictionaries is it?

[Lady Grey]

Jubal: I think they're good especially the Noel one

Those presents sound awesome! When we have a proper house, not an apartment, I think a coffee table carved to look like books would be an excellent piece of furniture for a study

Awh, I hope our presents went down well (I think they did)

It's called A Tolkien Dictionary by David Day

[Silver Wolf]

I have been totally spoiled this year. SotK got me a freestanding electric mixer, a cafetière, some Sherlock books (Moriarty by Anthony Horowitz and Mrs. Hudson's Diaries), some Portal cookie cutters, some boxes from Lush, a Tolkien Dictionary that is beautifully bound, a bobble head Loki, some tea and coffee, lots of sweets and chocolates, a Targaryen House notebook, socks, pyjamas, Trivial Pursuit (which is my favourite party game ever). I'm sure I've missed things.
Seriously, he's been so so kind.
SotK appreciation post.

Now that's a lot of cool presents. 
SotK is a good man. Keep him. Two words: Stockholm syndrome (that's what my girlfriend always says to me). 

Presents! Only done the family ones so far, some still to go - my main ones were a coffee table (from parents) which is basically carved to look like a pile of books, and my sister got me an autoharp (another one for the weird instrument collection, it's beautiful). And two books from my Grandpa. Much yays

A pile of books look alike table?! 
So awesome...

Oh and the first cracker quote/animal fact/joke card is my favorite. 

[Jubal]

I'll have to take pictures of the table & harp I also got (in my stocking) some frames for pictures I own, another Byzantine source (Michael Psellus), a couple clothing items and a gorgeous fuzzly toy anteater (and yes, I'm nearly 21 and still get excited about fluffy cuddly toys - I make no apologies!)

Today were off to see my aunt & uncle (my only ones - my Ma has one sister and my Dad is an only child).

[Lady Grey]

SW: I fully intend to keep him we both fold our chocolate penny wrappers in the same way and sort out smarties by colour on top of everything else

Jubal: Definitely want pictures! Also, soft toys are for any age - we have a big cuddly Eeyore and a Pascal from Tangled amonst others

[Jubal]

Indeed, fluffy things are best of things

[Clockwork]

I got a pretty nice Attila: Total War, metric ton of spending cash, book on funny/interesting historical newspaper articles, book on medicine, choccies, some awesome assorted flavoured patés and beers and a megastack of jaffa cakes

I've got an eye for dressing people so I usually give clothes when I can.

Had a pretty awesome christmas with mums side of the family. She's got a brother and a sister with 4 cousins from her brother. Might go down to Cornwall to see my dads side of them over new years but I have 17 (? I think) so it might have to be a week long thing