The Hunnic Adventure

[Aster]

Introduction
This is an AAR which I'm gonna be using IBFD the usual version we play. I changed the descr_strat so Attila appears in the game as a general. Note, in this AAR he's not an FM. I'm going to use that to an advantage for ideas. With this, I hope to create something humorous for you to enjoy. . I'm always open to comments and suggestions as usual. Including criticisms.

And so I introduce you to the main character of this AAR : Attila!


Attila : Welcome to the realms of my story. Aged 25, I made quite a reputation with my fellas. I earned 3 battle stars as an early recognition for my later legend. I am a Pagan. I'm not that kind of crazy. But, you can just call me Till. I resigned my position as a Family Member just 1 second ago. I have a Scout to creep down the others and a Mercenary Captain, just in case I need them. I also got a big moustache that shapes an M.

And then the next guy.........

Till : He is only one year different to me. Yet, for whatever reason he seems to have lost his mind. He's terrifying you know, TERRIFYING!!!! Like me, he's a stupid pagan. I never seen him fight. But seems people call him a good commander. His mother is a damn witch accompanied by a stupid musician. Thought they are going to die. Somehow, I love to call him Rugby. You can call him like that too. Now I open up a recent battle report from him :

Rugby's Battle Reports, or whatever he wants to call it
Rugby : Hello, I am the father of the sport called Rugby. Well, because my name is Rugby! Anyways, I'm here to call for the spell of death to the Goths. Recently, my spy managed to collect information from the defending general, the faction leader himself, Ermaneric!


Rugby : First of all he's old as all faction leaders are usually in the beginning, he got a rather interesting trait, the Rex Gothum. I thought it's name is T-Rex Gothum. Hah, A Gothic T-rex. That's gotta be fun. What's strange to me is the fact he is mighty among his people. But only able to command at the level of confidence and nothing more. I thought I lose but I'm wrong here.:laughter: He looks incredibly young for his age. What kind of facial foam did he use? Against all odds he can be a superb administrator with trading capabilities, but usually a fail because his bad-temperness wrecks everything. He worships Jesus Christ and an Arian Thinker. For his needs he got a translator who he did not use et al, a swordbearer(what's he thinking anyway?) A musician like what I had. And lastly a Goldsmith. Off we go to the battle!


[size0]An ease to fight.

I shall start by explaining my tricks. Wait, that does not make me look terrifying at all! No explanation then. Look at my army, cutting edge. With the best boxers around the world!(If they are boxers, why would they use bows instead?)


[size0]Rugby's Army.

As I was writing Ermaneric sent his troops into the fray, too soon. If I can say, he's just too confident. I'll make him pay....... They are cheap garbage to us. Probably some barrages would be enough to put their sorry carcasses down the ground.


[size"1"]The First Chargers.[/size]

Of course, we shall counterattack them, with our barrage, MUAHAAHAHAHAHA!!!! 1 arrow has been out from the bow to hit one man..... But they have been impressive this time. They don't run much! Although we are supposed to be terrifying to them...

[size"1"]DIE!!DIE!!!!DIE!!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!![/size]

I am incredibly surprised that Ermaneric still does not give up, despite having his poor saps crushed with a rain of arrows everytime. More troops to the hell! I bet the green arrows are sucking them up to the ground.


[size"1"]The Second Charge.[/size]

To respond against this, we changed arrays too. Now more devastating, trust me. Fresh horses always wins against Fresh feet!



And they all die.



And now the third wave, He still is not content on giving up. He should get a trait called : "Foolish Commander".



We washed them away without much trouble. It gets boring when I always show you the same thing each time. Let's see... now Ermaneric is holed up in the town square, with his Gothic homies banded up to prevent solely his death. I shall prove he is wrong.


[size"1"]The Last Stand.[/size]

Then we made an agreement : The Herdsmen shall lure Ermaneric for time long enough to allow the Chosen Warriors to hack through the enemies. And lastly, the Onogurs shall lead them to a glorious victory, while behind the scenes I put Ermaneric to an eternal slumber...

Now we have lured Ermaneric.



All is going sooooo well. Now we have been granted the base by the fool Ermaneric. At the cost of the herdsmen. But everything has it's own costs. They are scared, SCARED!!!



"We beat them up to submission, my lord Rugby." Says A Chosen Warrior.


[size"1"]They are scared of us.


Smash![/size]

The Herdsmen ran away. With blood on their hands. Cowards, they can't do anything right!


[size"1"]They are hopeless against Ermaneric![/size]

Must I do everything myself to get things done right? Whatever, Ermaneric's horse tripped over the pebble of stone. One which I had thrown. It's a shame, isn't it. For a glorious leader to die in such a funny way.




After some dogfighting between us Huns and Goths. We won by a simple slaughter, simple.



And so this concludes my report.


Like it? This is copy-pasted from TWC. I am ready to prove my originality here. Just PM the one in TWC to do so.

[Jubal]

I lol'd, love it.  

[Andalus]

I like it. May I ask, though, which mod are you using? I do not recognise it.

Edit: Aha: IBFD, I did not see that. But I am still lost, what does it stand for?

[Aster]

I like it. May I ask, though, which mod are you using? I do not recognise it.

Edit: Aha: IBFD, I did not see that. But I am still lost, what does it stand for?

Invasio Barbarorum. You can get it here.

@Jubal : Thanks. I make AARs for the lols.  

And another update copy-pasted.

Till : C'mon, I gotta be a gracious host to you! Let me tell you about the Hunnic Family Members more :


[size1]Mr. Char, our faction leader. Charmander of Pokemon?[/size]

Till : Ok, so his name is Charaton, people call him Char. And oddly some call him Charmander. He is our Khan, our leader. Best not try to mess up with him. A warlord, strangely enough despite his years of war he can only command people until the level of confidence. A Blatant Adulterer, I'm quite ashamed to have a leader like him. He loves to use abusive language whenever he speaks. So don't take him serious, okay? Like his son Rugby he is also terryfying and a stupid Pagan. He has a mercenary captain like me. A slave trader, a witch and a musician.

And then I shall introduce you to the recently adopted family member, Maotun!


[size1]An extremely confident tack.[/size]

Till : Basically he is confident at everything. With the exception of ambushing. He is better than us Steppe people. Also a pagan, he hopes to banish Christianity from the world. The only recognition for his recent joining is only 1 command star. Yes, ONLY ONE.


[size1]And so I met with my scout.[/size]

Till : And so while I was taking a break in my camp along with my buddies. My scout, known by people as Captain Obvious reported to me something :
Cap'n Obvious : Lord Till! I bring news from Cap'n Donator!
Till : What news?
Cap'n Obvious : It's his battle report, sire!
Till : Where? Let me see!

And so I opened the report, to my surprise it was written quite well.

Till : Some details about our cap'n Donator. Originally his name is Donatus. But people call him Donator. Why? Because he loves to spread his money. Usually to thieves. He got the terrible misfortune to be downgraded from his position as a general to a lowly captain. No traits at all.

Donator's Battle Report



Donator : Hello, Today I'm going to donate some blood, corpses and human meats to the witch Rugby got. As you can see today. I'm in full shape, ready to fight! And so it begins, I used the spearhead formation to kick the Gothic asses down the knees!



And all shall begin from the charge of the 60 Onogur Infantrymen.....


[size1]CHARGEEE!!!!!!![/size]

They seem to fare well against the javelinmen for a second. Yes, after that second, THEY RUN!!!!!


[size1]GET BACK IN LINE!!!!!![/size]

I can't let this going on, I instructed my Chosen Warriors to charge against them. I mean, the horsemen.



And it soon turns into another slaughterfest, seems today more corpses to donate into the graveyard.......



A celebration ensued within them. But soon, I shouted : CHARGE!!!. And they charged, again.


[size1]Celebration of Victory.[/size]


[size1]No time for celebration![/size]


[size1]An extremely successful assault by our men.[/size]

After all this simple fuss, I ordered the herdsmen to charge the Gothic Horse Warriors. I, for one, am not too sure on the outcome of this fight.


[size1]Face to Face.[/size]

And a long dogfight ensued between both sides for quite long enough.



Against all odds, they managed to knock down my 300 herdsmen! They must be using cheats!:disgust:



Meanwhile, the Chosen Warriors, are once again chosen to hunt down the enemy general, today that general is Alatheus. How long will he survive? We shall see.



And one unit has been assigned to strike at his back. This endangers his life. I really wished he would just go to a zoo and get his face slashed up by brooms, if not a tiger's claw. At least, he's alive there, not here.


[size1]He is now an endangered species.[/size]

He is dead, somebody stabbed him with a Gothic flag. Yes, he is the men right beside him. Fortunately, he is also struck down. Just like any other men.



And so this is the final slaughterfest. A clear victory, as usual. MUAHAHAHAHA!!!




After this battle, the Ostrogoths have no home left to stay. They become savages, hungry for a new home. But remember, this savages are an absolute threat to us! Whether they will donate more corpses to us or our corpses are the ones being donated for them. I don't know.




This shall conclude Mr Donator's report.


Do you like the editing I done to some pics?

Edit : Oh damn, why did size 1 from TWC is size 0 here?

[Aster]

Is the second part really that bad that no one comments? Another update.

Till : Somehow I seem to look like a postman, various captains sent reports of their battle to me and to me only. They maybe just scared of Rugby. Really, he is getting on my nerves. So I'm going to Singidum. [size0](I thought it is Sing-i-Doom.......) Besiege that place and start on the rumble. According to my scout, they love to act the Spartan. Sing Your Dooms.



So today I fight Saturninus Flavius. He comes from the Planet Saturn as his name suggests. Don't worry, the guys from that planet are genius in the ways of being foolish. In other words, they are just plain stupid. He sounds like a Spartan to cover his identity. And then............


Start!

First, we migrated up to the nearby hill to prevent our death. It's just simple, our sluggish spearmen really can't keep with the rest of our mob. But hey....


[size0]Look who's attacking...... CAVALRY!!!!

Oh damn that fool, he's sending his cavalry against us! I thought that in Saturn cavalry owns spearmen, spearmen owns archers, archers own cavalry, and cavalry owns infantrymen. But, they are dead in a jiffy. What a waste of time, but rest assured that now we don't have our hearts pumping so much in the scare of flanking and arrow barrage.

And then, that fool sends his sagitarii to charge at our men, OUR HORSES!! This guy's mind is really on the reverse. I just hope he's dead soon and I'll present his dead in front of those Saturnic Aliens.


[size0]Shouldn't they be running backwards instead of charging our men?

I sent my Herulja Harjaz along with my 16 Sarmatians to beat them to submission. And oh man, his spearmen ARE RUNNING AWAY!!!

[size0]

Well you look at what happened....


Those spearmen are RUNNING AWAY from us!

That goon sends his own bodyguards along with him to charge our spearmen, man, when can he learn simple strategies?


[size0]Look at who you attack first.

A suicidal attack. I took his head and then present it to his alien friends.



His scholae palatinae that has been blown away by our arrows are still persistent at charging us.


[size0]Sing your doom.

They are too trounced at their leader's death! Look, I got an immense fun shooting arrows behind them! One is down, one is down, and another one is down.



Oi mate, look at your back! LOOK AT YOUR BACK!! Some archer cavalry are shooting at your heads!



The next rumbles are just a classic Hunnic way to victory. Massacre!



The Eagle Bearers are charging at us only now, don't you realize your friends are now on hell? Cut us some slack.



They are now completely doomed, DOOMED!!!!



Hey hey hey, I am in your back shooting some arrows and yet you don't know? Lame...


I looked at someone who manages to dodge basically every arrows the towers are throwing at him, but his mates are already on heaven. Sad thing.


[size0]Heyheyhey your mates are no longer with you.

And ends with the coup de grace by our men, Wait, I spoke French?



The Sagitarii are coming out. They bear white flags and have taken off the ERE flags. They are surrendering!


[size0]Bring a white flag and I'll forgive you.

VICTORY!!!!!!!!!



Of course, rather than they are throwing stones and shoes at us, it's beat we exterminate them!! And then we cackle and laugh evilly at the sights of the exterminated. But we have a typical sound of laugh : "MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!"


[size0]MUAHAHAAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!!!

Till : Phew... My report is done... I'll check on the others soon.

This report is long.

[Andalus]

Very good. That general's head really was screwed on the wrong way. I guess they do thing differently on Saturn...


I liked the 2nd report also, just didn't see it.

[Silver Wolf]

hehe....nice battle result

[Jubal]

Go go go retarded AI!  

[Aster]

Thank you for the three of you, I got a question now, why is size 1 from TWC is size0 here?

[Jubal]

No idea...

[Jubal]

Moved to AAR board.