Preview

[Darkstar707]

I thought I would post some work on another book I was writing.

So, without delay, here it is.

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At the beginning of the seventh narfi, the seventh era, things were normal in Terifell. Indeed, for the past few decades nothing of importance had happened on the Islands of Terifell, that is until the seventh day into the new era. On one night that seemed like any other an event was occurring that would shake the balance of the world of Malargia. The era of Black Nights had begun, and it would decide the future of all.

[Jubal]

My main thought is that your range of punctuation could be improved which would really help break up the text more rather than using so many commas.

Compare this;
So far it had been an uneventful day for Helathar, feed the gnaroks, the grey, three appendage birds that the citizens of Malargia kept for meat, mind the herd of svak, sheeplike creatures with scales instead of fur, and watch the house. Helathar, was a Sivaki, what the common folk of Malargia called a

[Darkstar707]

I get what you mean. One of my downfalls as a writer is my overuse of comma's. Not really so much how I put them in wrongly, so much as I use them too much.

I wrote that like a year ago in like 20 minutes hehe, it actually surprised me when I found it a few days ago and read it. I am still wondering how I am going to expand the story. Should I make the men chasing Ilmari vampires or werewolves or some other creature? I can come up with plenty of fascinating lore, just which path should I choose?

[Jubal]

Read as much mythology as possible would be my advice, and try and get away from anything anyone has used much before. So for example instead of Vamps or Werewolves, create your own or find another myth which can fill the category.

In my book, there are "Elves". However, these "Elves", or Danaan as they call themselves, have a mix of myths associated with them. They are carnivores who live and hunt in small clans, and have no problem with eating humans or even their own kind at a pinch. The weak and sick likewise are simply food. They are more intelligent and faster than humans, although less bulky and not technincally as strong (except that of course they have spent their whole life in the wilds, which means they are generally either at peak fitness or dead, so most of them could maul all but the best trained of human fighters).
The different clans (which are only around 20-30 strong) are all very divided in their ways. Some live closer to nature, and can partially take on the forms of certain animals (Mara, the most important good Danaan character, can posess the minds of hawks or even at need grow wings from her arms). Others live a more civilised existence - in the past of my book, most lands were under the great Bletsungian empire which was formed by the Sun Elves, Danaan who had utterly renounced the forest in favour of creating beauty in works of their own.

I've prolly chucked about 5 or 6 different myths from across Europe into the Danaan. Their name is Irish, from the Tuatha de Danaan, the mythical founders of Ireland. The carnivorous nature is pretty Vampiric, various Germanic spirits can be blamed for most of the rest of their impressive range of abilities.

For your case, there are plenty of good myths which would be fun to mix up here. The scots have a Selkie - the seal maidens, who leave thier skins on the shore each full moon (I think) and come out as a human, then return to the sea at dawn. This could lead to a neat Werewolf variant where they rely on being able to find their wolfskin to be able to turn wolf and hunt with their pack.

Just chucking out ideas, feel more than free to ignore them.

P.S. What do you think of the Danaan as a race, now I've gone and written a bit about them?

[Darkstar707]

I like the Danaan. They remind me of the Ayleids from The Elder Scrolls.

Of course I am going to create a race that isn't vamps or werewolves, simply because if I don't some snot-nosed dumbassed teenager will put up youtube videos how my creatures "Break vampire lore". I also like the freedom it gives you to change things up a bit.