JOKES

[Del]

I thought I would start a topic on jokes , so if you have heard a good joke or a bad one place them here and give us all a laugh.

Del

[Del]

What do you call a blind dinosaur ?

Doyouthinkhesaurs

[Gen_Glory]

what do you call a blind dinosaurs' dog?

Doyouthinkhesaurus Rex

[DeepComet5581]

Are we allowed racist/sexist jokes?

Here's a joke:

Who's the best actor in the world?

Robert Pattinson.

[Del]

Dont know if we are allowed  racist/sexist jokes? can someone tell us.



why do tarts wear knickers ?



to keep their ankles warm

[Jubal]

Racist is a no-no, not just because forum rules won't allow it but because I have rather strong feelings on the matter myself (anti-french or anti-american or anti-british or whatever is fine, but skin colour is not a funny subject considering History). Sexist I'd rather you didn't, but if they're funny enough I'll allow. Blonde/tart jokes are fine, of course, but ones targeting all of womankind may be deleted without warning if they're too offensive.

Some from moi...

2 peanuts walked into a bar.
One was a-salted.

These 2 show how important punctuation is...

A panda walks into a bar. He orders a meal, eats it, pulls a gun on the bartender, shoots (narrowly missing him), and then legs it. When captured by police later the panda defends his actions by pulling out a nature guidebook to show that his behaviour is normal. "Look," he says. "Panda: Eats, shoots, and leaves."

An English class was asked to punctuate the sentence "A woman without her man is nothing." All the men in the class opted for "A woman, without her man, is nothing". All the women in the class went for "A woman; without her, man is nothing." Punctuation ftw.

[DeepComet5581]

A badger walks into the bar and asks for......................................... A pint of beer. The barman says "Certainly, sir. But tell me, why the big paws?"

[Del]

whats the difference between a two man tent and a tart.

You can only get two men in a two man tent .

[Goldyrulz]

a man walks into a bar .............. ouch

[comrade_general]

horse walks into a bar, bartender says why the long face...

yesterday, scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones

to prove their theory, they fed one hundred men twelve pints of beer and observed that 100% of them started talking nonsense and couldn't drive

[Nocturnal]

One hydrogen atom says to another, "I think I lost an electron!"
The other asks, "Are you sure?"
"I'M POSITIVE"

Q: How many theoretical physicists specializing in general relativity does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to hold the bulb and one to rotate the universe.

When does a brain get afraid?
When it loses its nerve.

because I am a science geek.

[Colonel_Ryan]

How many Paris Hilton's do you need to change a light pear(?) xD ?


Noone. Not even a million would be able to know how xD

[Jubal]

One hydrogen atom says to another, "I think I lost an electron!"
The other asks, "Are you sure?"
"I'M POSITIVE"

Awesomeness

[CN2]

That is a pretty awesome science joke :p

One day pi was walking along, and he heard the square root of minus one talking about global warming, he screamed at him "Get Real! There is no such thing!" He replied, "Get rational! It will happen one day!"

[lordryan756]

a man walks into a bar .............. ouch

I have something like this.. goes like THIS!!

2 Men walked into a bar....You think one of them would have ducked.