Spoil a wish

[Jubal]

You legally own five wispa bars. However, you don't know which wispa bars, and they are scattered across the world with a small tag on the outside of the wrapper. You spend your life wandering the stores across the planet looking for the wispa bars that are by right yours.

I wish that I could get to sleep easily at will.

[DeepCandle Games]

You can sleep whenever you want, but also fall asleep whenever you think of fatigue, the word "tired" or other similar concepts - you also have no control over when you wake up!

I wish I had more confidence

[Jubal]

You have so much confidence you practically believe you can fly. You can't, and this goes badly for you.

I wish I had more mental fortitude

[Ierne]

You have more mental fortitute, but no more physical fortitude than you currently do, which leads to you picking fights with oversized dragons and coming off the worst.

I wish I could stop falling off of things in Minecraft.

[Jubal]

You stop falling off things in Minecraft by virtue of no longer being in Minecraft, which you are now permanently banned from playing in order that you won't fall off things in it.

I wish I could write my thesis significantly faster.

[Tusky]

You can write it as quickly as you are able, however the increased speed leads to a proportional dip in quality.

I wish I were better at thinking of amusing responses to posts in this thread

[Jubal]

You are so good at thinking of amusing responses to posts in this thread that anyone who reads the thread dies of side-splitting laughter. You now have fewer friends and nobody left to use your supreme talent on.

I wish my arm worked normally again.

[Ierne]

your arm works normally, as defined by a community of small, octopus-like beings from a planet in the Andromeda galaxy - Ie, you no longer have bones.

I wish I was more emotionally robust.

[Jubal]

You become more emotionally robust, but specifically the emotion that gets more robust is ennui, and you are now in a permanent impregnable state of slightly francophone boredom. You end up owning too many rollneck jumpers and gesticulating loosely with cigarettes that you can't quite be bothered to smoke.

I wish landlords could be abolished as an institution.

[Tusky]

They are abolished! Along with the concept of renting. You now can only live for free with your parents or buy a home outright.

I wish that if I do the "buddy jesus" pose from dogma, the epic sax guy music can me heard near me (at a reasonable volume)

[Jubal]

Unfortunately, what is near in an absolute sense encompasses a lot more than what is near in a usual human sense.

Everyone on the planet and indeed in the nearest few galaxies now hears Epic Sax Guy simultaneously when you do the Buddy Jesus pose. The hit to the world economy from literally the whole planet hearing the song and getting distracted at once is significant due to the sizeable number of car crashes, aeroplane pilot errors, and other rather major things going wrong. The fact that every animal can also hear it leads to the collapse of bee colonies and other ecosystem failures, leading to widespread starvation in parts of the world. I hope you're happy.

I wish my workplace would move closer to my home to shorten my commute.

[Tusky]

Your workplace becomes so close to your home... it is your home. You have to sleep on your desk and get even less time to rest and relax, since there is nowhere specific to do it.

I sometimes worry I am annoying people by crunching crisps too loudly when I eat them when I am at the office. So I wish that hula hoops were still tasty and crunchy (like they are now), but made a little less noise.

[Jubal]

Your workplace becomes so close to your home... it is your home. You have to sleep on your desk and get even less time to rest and relax, since there is nowhere specific to do it.

I work from home several days a week as it is, so this is probably the least bad threat I've had in this thread to date!

Hula Hoops make a little less noise. A very little less noise. The decibel difference is not distinguishable to the human ear. You are ultimately fired from your job for annoying crunching hula hoops.

I wish that shoes were less expensive.