Author Topic: The Unwritten Novel  (Read 2017 times)

comrade_general

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The Unwritten Novel
« on: September 25, 2010, 11:53:53 PM »
snippets of a novel that came to me some months back, apparently its set during some sort of war time so i posted it here

page 27 and 28:

“It's gone!” they shouted. “Someone here must have taken it!”

Bewildered by this sudden turn of events, Balian went back to his chambers to think by himself. He was followed, however, by one he did not expect. Creeping around the corner a pair of eyes were locked onto him as he passed into an alley. The ruckus of the crowd behind Balian dwindled into murmurs as he glanced back and saw the shadowy figure. But with a sudden whip from the stranger's cloak, the eyes vanished into darkness.

Outside the city walls the soldiers were still restless. It had been three days since Morlon and his men were reported in the woods to the north. Davich had kept them on alert ever since, and a complete vigil was kept day and night while mounted scouts patrolled the distant hills.
Balian bolted the door behind him. Dropping his cloak and dagger to the floor he drug himself onto his bed. He couldn't keep the thought out of his head - what was Miriam doing at Edmond's 'secret' meeting? She had only stood in the back silently listening to the discussion. Did anyone else even notice her there? Nevertheless his mind turned to the more pressing issues.

The dagger was obviously taken by whomever had killed both Sir Muntley and his wife Sofia. Balian was certain that he was right in that, although why he didn't speak to anyone about it when the chance arose was never clear in his mind.

Suddenly a piercing scream came from the corridor outside his room. Stumbling to the door in the pitch dark of his room, he opened right into the face of Edmond.

“What are you doing here, Edmond, and what was the cause of that bone-chilling noise?”

In his mind he had guessed the origin of the sound as soon as he heard it, but being more concerned with why Edmond was on his stoop he kept his opinions to himself. Edmond, clearly avoiding the first question, merely replied that he thought the sound came from behind the livery. Almost instantly a clamoring of voices was heard in the opposite direction near the courtyard.

Balian rushed off towards the commotion with Edmond limping behind. Upon arriving at the scene it was clear that something drastic had taken place; women were covering their eyes, men were stamping their feet, and children wailed amongst the confusion.


“Come to yourselves!” Edmond shouted into the crowd as Balian quietly pushed his way towards the center. And then, upon catching sight of the ground, a piercing shiver struck him, and he dropped to his knees in shock.

There, lying in the middle of the walkway was Miriam, or what was left of her. She was literally in pieces; her legs and arms were arranged in a circle around her head, which was sitting upright, but her torso was nowhere to be seen. The same dagger that had been stolen mere minutes ago was embedded down through the top of her head and into the pavement clear up to its hilts.

“Oh dear God,” Edmond choked under his breath as he came up behind Balian.


page 86:

“You see, it was Miriam who followed you that night,” the Magistrate explained. “I had sent her to gather as much information about those who had participated in Edmond's meeting. Obviously she had crossed paths with this murderer only moments after she saw you enter the alleyway.”

“But I still don't understand what Edmond was doing just outside my doorway.”

“Then you suspect him of some ill-doing?”

“Of course - just to look at him once brings suspicion. Perhaps he was planning to murder me as well.”

“As well? Allowing that he did indeed murder Miriam, but what if he was? How could he have so gruesomely done away with Miriam and yet have time to make it to your doorstep?”

“That is true, but I still find the look on his face quite odd. Plus he foolishly claimed that he heard the scream come from the completely opposite direction.”

“That is queer indeed, but alas I have other tasks to attend to, please excuse me.”

“Of course.”

Balian bowed to the Magistrate and took his leave.


page 112:

“Then suddenly it hit me; it wasn't Miriam who had screamed! She could have been murdered a significant length of time before she was found. And given the gruesome disposition she was left in, I don't believe enough time was allowed for her to scream and then be left in such a way.”

“So Edmond could really have heard the scream come from the other direction?”

“It's quite possible; once Miriam's death became known everyone was in too much shock to think about where the scream came from.”

“So who was it then, do you think, that was following you that night?”

Balian straightened his gait and chuckled. “It was you.”
« Last Edit: August 01, 2011, 01:21:49 AM by phoenixguard09 »
I'd be more apathetic if I weren't so lethargic.

Jubal

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The Unwritten Novel
« Reply #1 on: October 10, 2010, 01:39:05 PM »
I'm intrigued, I have to say. So have you actually written 112 pages of this and you're only posting snippets, or have you only written the snippets and the pages are kinda arbitary?
The duke, the wanderer, the philosopher, the mariner, the warrior, the strategist, the storyteller, the wizard, the wayfarer...

comrade_general

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The Unwritten Novel
« Reply #2 on: October 10, 2010, 02:47:59 PM »
It only came to me in these snippets, so the latter. heh
I'd be more apathetic if I weren't so lethargic.

Jubal

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The Unwritten Novel
« Reply #3 on: October 16, 2010, 03:54:00 PM »
Any plot synopsis, or have you forgotten?
The duke, the wanderer, the philosopher, the mariner, the warrior, the strategist, the storyteller, the wizard, the wayfarer...

comrade_general

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The Unwritten Novel
« Reply #4 on: October 16, 2010, 08:13:54 PM »
There wasn't one to begin with, it literally started as:
I'd be more apathetic if I weren't so lethargic.

comrade_general

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Re: The Unwritten Novel
« Reply #5 on: November 01, 2018, 09:43:55 PM »
I'm intrigued, I have to say.

I'm still intrigued by this myself. I still have no idea where this came from or why it was only in snippets or what the hell the story is actually about. The only bit of good writing I've ever done in my life. :P
I'd be more apathetic if I weren't so lethargic.

Jubal

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Re: The Unwritten Novel
« Reply #6 on: November 01, 2018, 10:22:38 PM »
You should go back and do some more with it - the snippets thing could even be a feature, present just bits/angles of a story and let the reader make their own conclusions :)
The duke, the wanderer, the philosopher, the mariner, the warrior, the strategist, the storyteller, the wizard, the wayfarer...