A first try,
with apologies to the late Stan RogersOh the year was twenty twenty-two
How I wish I was in Wor'ster now
A franchise deal came in the mail
To a two-time bankrupt fresh out of gaol
Chorus: God damn them all
I was told, we'd cruise the seas for Norwegian oil
We'd launch no drones, shed no tears
Now I'm a broken man on an Reykjavík pier
The last of Johnson's privateers
The Job Centre passed round the call
How I wish I was in Wor'ster now
For sturdy hands for his patrol crew
To tell the wogs just what to do
*chorus*
His coast-guard cutter was shipshape indeed
How I wish I was in Wor'ster now
When she hit the water in Mad Maggie's day
And she still cost all that the bank would pay
*chorus*
On Brexit Day we put to sea
How I wish I was in Wor'ster now
Took a whole week out to the Orkney ways
Pumps a wheezing like the COVID days
*chorus*
Drained our credit for diesel and we sailed again
How I wish I was in Wor'ster now
When a lumbering dragger hove in sight
We uncovered the Bofors and we made to fight
*chorus*
Her holds were full with English fish
How I wish I was in Wor'ster now
And Steve with the drones saw them hauling their nets
But we couldn't overhaul her and we'd be there yet
*chorus*
Then the wind came up and the engines went down
How I wish I was in Wor'ster now
The pilot got high on cut-price skunk
And the GPS took a salt-water dunk
*chorus*
Captain took the launch while we were below
How I wish I was in Wor'ster now
Our cutter floundered in a rocky bay
And the local coppers took us away
*chorus*
Now here I stand in my fiftieth year
How I wish I was in Wor'ster now
Passport's no good, there's debts at home
So I'm schlepping boxes of hand sanitizer foam
*chorus*
music and finger-snapping (YT)