The Joke Thread

[Pentagathus]

Why do french warships have glass hulls? So they can see the rest of the fleet.
Why do french tanks have a rear window? So they can see the enemy.
Whats the shortest book in the world? A history of French military victories.

Why did the polish man cross the road? He's stolen the chickens job (I would like to point out now I have nothing against the Eastern Europeans or economic migrants in general, I just like the joke.)

A man runs into a doctors surgery wearing nothing but clingfilm underwear shouting "Doctor, doctor I think I've gone insane"
The doctor looks up and calmly replies "Yes, I can clearly see your nuts"

BEFORE MARRIAGE:

Husband - Aaah! ...At last! I can hardly wait!
Wife - Do you want me to leave?
Husband - No! Don't even think about it.
Wife - Do you love me?
Husband - Of course! Always have and always will!
Wife - Have you ever cheated on me?
Husband - No! Why are you even asking?
Wife - Will you kiss me?
Husband - Every chance I get!
Wife - Will you hit me?
Husband - Hell no! Are you crazy?!
Wife - Can I trust you?
Husband - Yes.
Wife - Darling!

AFTER MARRIAGE: read from bottom to top.


I've never told anyone this before. But my mum was a runner-up beauty queen who was beaten by her abusive husband.
portugal knows how he won it though.


A gipsy decides he had enough of the slums, grabs what little he has and moves into Munich. There he starts small, but after a couple of years he has a fruitful legit business going on. He decides then to go home to check out how's the family faring. Just at the border of his home village, his brand new BMW got a flat tire. He starts changing it, when he sees a cousin coming his way.
-Hey, Kasimir, -he shouts- can you give me a hand here?
Kasimir happily runs there, grabs a stone, and breaks in a window of the brand new shiny BMW.
-The portugal are you doing? -Asks our man startled.
-You can have the tires, but dibs on the radio.

[Pentagathus]

No one appreciating the funnys?

Have you all heard about the range of two piece shell-suits made to commemorate the death of Jimmy Saville? In light of recent revelations the designs have been changed, you should still fit into the adults sized jacket easily enough but you'll have to force yourself into the childrens trousers.

[Dimos]

No one appreciating the funnys?

No, but the do appreciate the bunnies!

[feet]

My brother told me this.
Why did the little boy drop his ice cream?
He got hit by a truck.

[Skull]

I don't get the Portugal one...:-/

[Othko97]

Portugal is the swear filter for F*ck, if that helps.

[Skull]

Damn,why?
Does Jubal hate Portugal for some reason?

[Gen_Glory]

loooooooonnnnnnnnnnggggggggg story...

[Pentagathus]

But to make it short, yes he is a vile, vile racist who particularly hates the Portuguese.

[Captain Carthage]

We all are.

League of Racism, Assemble!!!

[Jubal]

If you haven't read the Hitch-Hiker's Guide to Exilian, now may be the time to do so - it's in the Boozer. 

[Skull]

loooooooonnnnnnnnnnggggggggg story...

I have time.

If you haven't read the Hitch-Hiker's Guide to Exilian, now may be the time to do so - it's in the Boozer. 

Just did. Very confused.

[comrade_general]

Another satisfied customer.

[Ashanorath]

Why did the little girl fall from the swing?
Because she has no arms.

[Pentagathus]

Why would she get on the slide in the first place? And no, the punchline is not that she has down syndrome or some other common mental disability, that'd be mean.