The Joke Thread

[Pentagathus]

Eh but what if you lived above a fast food takeaway? Then its only logical for the pizza to reach you before the ambulance.

[Jubal]

Moved to the Boozer, as it's not a game per se.

[Skull]

Skull: it's a long story. Basically France has been our main national enemy for most of the time since about the 1300s. Including the Hundred Years' War, the French Wars of Religion, War of the Spanish Succession, Seven Years' War, and Napoleonic Wars. We've generally been allied to France since 1900, but that's not very long considering that for much if not most of the thousand years before that we were at war. Generally people don't actually hate France per se, but in Britain it's still common to make jokes about them.

I guess one of the key British things is that we're more derogatory about our friends than our enemies. Generally British people are much more prepared to insult a friend, because they know they can take the criticism, than an enemy, who we're more likely to be desperately, coldly polite to.

Our largest targets for national ire and mockery are France and the USA, shortly followed by Germany, for this reason.

I see.

This has been passed on to we Americans, despite France being the reason we were able to beat the British in the Revolution.

Who made all those "In Soviet Russia" jokes?
They are probably the worst ones I ever read.

[Silver Wolf]

A fish swims into a wall.

"Oh dam" it says.

[Pentagathus]

A fish hears that joke. A thousand times. It now wants to die.

[Gen_Glory]

two fish in a tank
one turns to the other and asks
"How the hell do we drive this thing?"

[Pentagathus]

Did you hear about the incident of the two peanuts walking the streets last night? One was a salted/assaulted.

[Captain Carthage]

two fish in a tank
one turns to the other and asks
"How the hell do we drive this thing?"

The other fish takes this as clear evidence of Fish 1's lack of belief in the Communist ideal and promptly has him reported to the commissar.

Fish 1 is assigned to a penal battalion as penitence for his crimes.

Fish 1 later dies desperately trying to stuff his organs back into his obliterated chest cavity during The Battle of the Bulge

[Gen_Glory]

were the soviets in the battle of the bulge?

[comrade_general]

A fish swims into a wall.

"Oh dam" it says.

My girlfriend told me this one last night.

were the soviets in the battle of the bulge?

No, they were not.

[Captain Carthage]

I was wondering if you'd notice.

[comrade_general]

[Othko97]

Two chemists walk into a bar, the first asks for some H₂O, as he's a chemist. The second says "I'll have some H₂O too please. He died.

Alternatively:

Two chemists walk into a bar, the first asks for some H₂O, as he's a chemist. The second says "I'll have some water please" The first cries because his assassination attempt failed.

There are 10 kinds of people in this world, those who understand binary, those who don't, and those who weren't expecting a base 3 joke.

What do you get if you cross a mountain climber with a mosquito? You can't, that would be crossing a scalar and a vector.

[Jubal]

I actually genuinely laughed at the base 3 one. 

[Pentagathus]

I enjoyed the climber mosquito one.
I bought an advent calender from the bbc. Everytime I open a door I have to pretend I haven't seen Jimmy Saville molesting a child.