Author Topic: The Joke Thread  (Read 13790 times)

Pentagathus

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Re: The Joke Thread
« Reply #30 on: October 29, 2012, 08:02:16 PM »
Eh but what if you lived above a fast food takeaway? Then its only logical for the pizza to reach you before the ambulance.

Jubal

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Re: The Joke Thread
« Reply #31 on: October 31, 2012, 12:24:08 PM »
Moved to the Boozer, as it's not a game per se.
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Skull

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Re: The Joke Thread
« Reply #32 on: November 01, 2012, 02:49:33 PM »
Skull: it's a long story. Basically France has been our main national enemy for most of the time since about the 1300s. Including the Hundred Years' War, the French Wars of Religion, War of the Spanish Succession, Seven Years' War, and Napoleonic Wars. We've generally been allied to France since 1900, but that's not very long considering that for much if not most of the thousand years before that we were at war. Generally people don't actually hate France per se, but in Britain it's still common to make jokes about them.
I guess one of the key British things is that we're more derogatory about our friends than our enemies. Generally British people are much more prepared to insult a friend, because they know they can take the criticism, than an enemy, who we're more likely to be desperately, coldly polite to.

Our largest targets for national ire and mockery are France and the USA, shortly followed by Germany, for this reason.

I see.


This has been passed on to we Americans, despite France being the reason we were able to beat the British in the Revolution.

 :-\

Who made all those "In Soviet Russia" jokes?
They are probably the worst ones I ever read.
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Silver Wolf

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Re: The Joke Thread
« Reply #33 on: November 01, 2012, 06:32:38 PM »
A fish swims into a wall.

"Oh dam" it says.
"Less of a young professional - more of an ancient amateur. But frankly, I'm an absolute dream."

Pentagathus

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Re: The Joke Thread
« Reply #34 on: November 01, 2012, 07:30:56 PM »
A fish hears that joke. A thousand times. It now wants to die.

Gen_Glory

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Re: The Joke Thread
« Reply #35 on: November 01, 2012, 07:48:49 PM »
two fish in a tank
one turns to the other and asks
"How the hell do we drive this thing?"
Tis but a scratch...


Pentagathus

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Re: The Joke Thread
« Reply #36 on: November 02, 2012, 07:39:18 PM »
Did you hear about the incident of the two peanuts walking the streets last night? One was a salted/assaulted.

Captain Carthage

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Re: The Joke Thread
« Reply #37 on: November 02, 2012, 10:14:57 PM »
two fish in a tank
one turns to the other and asks
"How the hell do we drive this thing?"

The other fish takes this as clear evidence of Fish 1's lack of belief in the Communist ideal and promptly has him reported to the commissar.

Fish 1 is assigned to a penal battalion as penitence for his crimes.

Fish 1 later dies desperately trying to stuff his organs back into his obliterated chest cavity during The Battle of the Bulge
Scum of the highest degree and don't let charitable citizens tell you otherwise.

Gen_Glory

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Re: The Joke Thread
« Reply #38 on: November 03, 2012, 05:00:25 PM »
were the soviets in the battle of the bulge?
Tis but a scratch...


comrade_general

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Re: The Joke Thread
« Reply #39 on: November 03, 2012, 05:15:21 PM »
A fish swims into a wall.

"Oh dam" it says.
My girlfriend told me this one last night.
were the soviets in the battle of the bulge?
No, they were not.

Captain Carthage

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Re: The Joke Thread
« Reply #40 on: November 03, 2012, 06:24:23 PM »
I was wondering if you'd notice.
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comrade_general

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Re: The Joke Thread
« Reply #41 on: November 03, 2012, 07:14:56 PM »

Othko97

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Re: The Joke Thread
« Reply #42 on: December 03, 2012, 08:31:02 PM »
Two chemists walk into a bar, the first asks for some H2O, as he's a chemist. The second says "I'll have some H2O too please. He died.

Alternatively:

Two chemists walk into a bar, the first asks for some H2O, as he's a chemist. The second says "I'll have some water please" The first cries because his assassination attempt failed.

There are 10 kinds of people in this world, those who understand binary, those who don't, and those who weren't expecting a base 3 joke.

What do you get if you cross a mountain climber with a mosquito? You can't, that would be crossing a scalar and a vector.
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Jubal

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Re: The Joke Thread
« Reply #43 on: December 04, 2012, 04:30:35 PM »
I actually genuinely laughed at the base 3 one.  ;D
The duke, the wanderer, the philosopher, the mariner, the warrior, the strategist, the storyteller, the wizard, the wayfarer...

Pentagathus

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Re: The Joke Thread
« Reply #44 on: December 05, 2012, 10:33:22 PM »
I enjoyed the climber mosquito one.
I bought an advent calender from the bbc. Everytime I open a door I have to pretend I haven't seen Jimmy Saville molesting a child.