Right, update:
Am currently using a mix of my tablet and a spare laptop kindly lent to me by Glaurung for the next few days. Have access to internet etc but not to my files (I could pull them from cloud onto the spare laptop and may grab a few that way).
Tomorrow I'm in London for a quiz audition, so I'll take the old machine to a repair place nearby on Tuesday. Assuming that repair is not a completely trivial job (and I'd be VERY surprised if it is) I will also rapidly research & order a new laptop then so I can get on with getting the programs and files back that I need to actually function normally. If I can get the old one fixed cheaply I may well do, if not I might get the shop to do file recovery (which should be simple, I'm sure the HDD is in good working order; not sure if I'll really need to as carbonite will have 99% of my stuff, depends what they charge to get me the 1% that I either inevitably forgot to add to carbonite or was done within about 48hrs of doomsday). I genuinely don't know what shops charge for these sorts of services, does anyone have ballpark ideas/experiences?
Hopefully by the weekend/sometime next week I'll have a new machine, ideally by Fri/Sat so I can spend the weekend getting it functional.
@Flamekebab: Two years? That seems awfully short, though I guess you're possibly doing some super-intensive video stuff that I wouldn't be? The one that's just died is about four years old and it's been used and carried around an awful lot in that time.
@Comrade_general: I will indeed make it so.