Spoil a wish

[The Seamstress]

You get rest. THE rest. Of something. No one knows what.

I wish staying hydrated was easier.

[Jubal]

Staying hydrated is easy because you are 100 percent water and so is everything else. Doing anything other than being hydrated is impossible but you're maximally, permanently hydrated.

I wish I hadn't gotten sunburn today.

[The Seamstress]

You haven't been sunburnt, you've been sungrilled with olive oil, salt and herbs.

I wish I had a rabbit the size of a horse, as an environmentally-friendly mode of transportation.

[Jubal]

You have a horse sized rabbit. It is very lonely due to being the only horse sized rabbit in existence and you feel bad about it a lot.

I wish I had a day to nap between family trip and conferencing

[The Seamstress]

You have a day to nap. But it's a trap. You hear a tap, and then a snap. There is a little goblin chap. You get a map, but it is crap, leading you only to mishap.

I wish the world was less overwhelming.

[Jubal]

The world becomes underwhelming and we all become drained into unending vessels of wan ennui.

I wish I could more easily stay awake whilst very tired

[The Seamstress]

You can more easily stay awake whilst very tired. On the flipside, you can't easily get very tired whilst awake. You never sleep again, remaining in a constant state between tired awakeness and awake tiredness.

I wish "being online in an unspecified capacity" was a job so I'd get paid for doomscrolling, browsing online shops, and watching random silly videos.

[Jubal]

It is now your job to do all of those things! Unfortunately doing them all to specific quotas actually sucks any joy out of them.

I wish I could take a couple of weeks off to work on my game.

[The Seamstress]

You can take a couple of weeks off to work on your game. The game becomes everything, you're unable to think or do anything else. The game consumes all your time. The game consumes you. You're doomed to become a character in your own game. (At least you have eyeballs.)

I wish people weren't so people-y all the time.

[Jubal]

People are less people-y and are instead more ravenous-bugblatter-beast-of-traal-y, which is not an improvement.

I wish I felt a bit more human.