Ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer

[Jubal]

It was handed down to us by St. Crispin, patron saint of crisps. Woe to all ye who have not heard his pronouncements!


Who actually won the Liliputian civil war?

[The Seamstress]

An army of battle chickens. No one knows where they came from or who sent them, and the whole thing was covered up afterwards. - This message will self-destruct in 10, 9, 8, ...


How many more XP do I need to level up?

[Jubal]

Forty-two.

Why did the mammoth sneeze so loudly?

[The Seamstress]

They tried to use loud sneezing as a warning sound for the other mammoths to stay away so they don't get a cold, too. Quite sensible, if you ask me.

Why don't we just celebrate every holiday twice instead of only once a year?

[Jubal]

It would get in the way of too many people's birthdays.

Why aren't houses more wiggly shapes?

[The Seamstress]

Hundertwasser has left the realm of the living, and wiggly shaped houses went with him.

Why are the rabbits staring at me, what is their hidden agenda?

[Jubal]

Carrots. (Their less hidden agenda also involves carrots.)

Why did the Byzantine Empire love squirrels so much?

[The Seamstress]

Because squirrels are cute, obviously.

What really happened to Atlantis?

[Jubal]

It became Atlantisn't.

Why are cheese straws a thing but ham straws aren't?

[The Seamstress]

Because the Goddess of All Cheeses has given the gift of cheese straw making to humanity, but the God of All Hams couldn't be bothered to do anything.

What is the best strategy to avoid magic mishaps?

[Jubal]

Roll twice and add scores.

If I can roll on a dice table, why can't I baguette on a dice table?

[The Seamstress]

It is forbidden since the dawn of time, when The Ancient Baguette emerged from The Baguetteosphere, to use baguettes in any kinds of games, including dice games.

Where is The Baguetteosphere?

[Jubal]

Nowhere. Baguettes aren't spherical. THE ANCIENT TEXTS LIE.


What emerges from the dreams of the hog badgers?

[The Seamstress]

Strange and mysterious things, my friend. Don't cross their paths, or they'll trap you in their strange and mysterious nightly visions from where you'll never be able to escape.

Which terrestrial animal is the least mysterious?

[Jubal]

Probably Dave.


Why are cows not called bofradouts?