Jokes

[Darkstar707]

All you have to do to change it is click on "my profile" in your profile page and it's right there.


But yeah, you have to admit, that idea was brilliant, right?

[DeepComet5581]

Thank you.

Anyway, so what if I have an unnaturally high attraction to females? It makes parties insteresting...

[DeepComet5581]

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.

On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom.

"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.

Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"

"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"

"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

[DeepComet5581]

Yo mamma's so fat, when she went to the beach, the whales sang "We are family!"

Yo mamma's so fat, when she wears a red dress, the kids in the neighborhood yell, "Hey, Kool-Aid!"

Yo mamma's so fat, when she sat on a rainbow, skittles popped out.

Yo mamma's so fat, even God couldn't lift her spirits!

Yo mamma's so fat, she has her own zip code!

Yo mamma's so fat, it takes a train and two buses to get on her good side.

Yo mamma's so fat, when she stepped in the road and I tried to swerve around her, I ran out of gas!

Yo mamma's so fat, when she walked in front of the TV, I missed five minutes of the show!

Yo mamma's so fat, when she walked into a room, someone said, "Woah! Was that a solar eclipse or did Free Willie just walk in?

Yo mamma's so fat, when she walked into a hotel and asked for a water bed, they put a blanket over the ocean!

Yo mamma's so fat, she rents shade!

Yo mamma's so fat, she invented the lowrider!

Yo mamma's so fat, she tripped over K-Mart, stumbled over Wal-Mart and landed on Target!

Yo mamma's so fat, when she puts on high heels in the morning, by the afternoon they're flats.

Yo mamma's so fat, her picture weighs ten pounds.

Yo mamma's so fat, she tripped over a rock and fell asleep trying to get up!

Yo mamma's so fat, when she stepped on a scale, it said, "to be continued."

Yo mamma's so fat, when she wears a yellow coat, people run after her yelling "taxi!"

Yo mamma's so fat, she's on both sides of the family.

Yo mamma's so fat, when she got lost (amazingly) they had to use all 4 sides of the milk carton.

[DeepComet5581]

and finally...

10 things in golf that sound dirty
1. Look at the size of his putter.

2. Oh, dang, my shaft's all bent.

3. You really wacked the hell out of that sucker.

4. After 18 holes I can barely walk.

5. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip.

6. Lift your head and spread your legs.

7. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired.

8. Just turn your back and drop it.

9. Hold up. I've got to wash my balls.

10. Damn, I missed the hole again.

[Marcus]

Yo mamma jokes are ancient and crap and should have been cast into the depths of hell over 100 years ago.

[stormcloud]

Here's a joke:

Young Earth Creationists

[DeepComet5581]

Heres another one:

CHRISTIANS

[Darkstar707]

Heres another one:

CHRISTIANS

Heres one

ATHEISTS

(I just insulted 75% of this forum)

[Jubal]

Don't get into religious mudslinging too much guys, while I'm atheist and so are a lot of people here not everyone is.

Instead target obvious idiots such as young-earth creationists, Jehoves, or other such groups.

[stormcloud]

here's one:

"FREEDOM OF SPEECH" in the civilised world

oh and Mormons, how the f*ck do you loose and entire modern civilisation?

[Darkstar707]

Ok, nudists..

I never got that..

I mean... doesn't it hurt to run if your a guy....?

[Gen_Glory]

extremists

[DeepComet5581]

Here's one:

DEMOCRACY & LIBERTY

Seriously, we can't do what we want and we can't vote for who we want. My brothers going into politics and will change all that.

[Andalus]

Instead target obvious idiots such as young-earth creationists, Jehoves, or other such groups.

Jubal, I love your style of moderating!