King of the Hill

[Tusky]

I create a dazzling fireworks display to amaze and distract you.

My hill!

[Jubal]

I create a vast elite ballet troupe to distract you in return.

my hill!

[Tusky]

I form a competing 1 mammoth ballet. I wow them with my austentatious Arabesque and Pliés. They are so out-performed that they leave the hill in shame. As they leave, I place a very life like cardboard cutout of a man holding a gun to deter would be usurpers of

My hill.

[Jubal]

I send Banksy on an undercover mission to graffiti your life like cutout. Lanced by his brutal satire, your rule is fatally weakened.

My hill

[Glaurung]

I acquire the cut-out so that I have a "cardboard programmer" with whom I can discuss programming problems at work. Oddly, it seems the hill is now undefended.

My hill!

[Tusky]

I acquire the services of all of the world's scientists. I get them all to focus on the creation on a trans dimensional device, which allows the user to visit alternate dimensions . Using this device I spend a number of years attempting to find an  alternate reality where someone had invented time travel. Luckily there is one. I steal the time machine technology from this dimension and return it to ours.
After firing all of the scientists for complaining that I had not just asked them to invent a time machine - I use the time machine to go back in time to just before my very life like cardboard cutout of a man holding a gun is stolen and repurposed as something to help debug Glaurung's advanced PROGRAMS. I destroy the time machine, lest it be used for evil. I then draw a comical twirly moustache and pair of glasses on the cutout man.
Upon attempting to use it to help with his PROGRAMS, Glaurung finds it oddly amusing. This amusement causes him to make a mistake in his PROGRAMS. He then is forced to spend the time he was going to be spending discovering undefended hills, instead fixing the bug in his PROGRAMS.

My hill.

[Jubal]

Teapots. Teapots everywhere.


My hill.

[Glaurung]

Yesss, but... my teapot, preciousss...

[Tusky]

I host a devastatingly effective tea party.

My Hill.

[Jubal]

I tell American hard-conservative wingnuts you're doing a tea party, and they get all excited and try to join in, which leads to the inevitable destruction of the tea party. I mop up the mess and promise an end to corruption and bad governance.

My hill.

[Caradìlis]

I march up to the hill, dramatically say "I'm baaack!" and set everything on fire with my magic powers.

My hill.

[Jubal]

I point out that we moved the hill several times whilst you were away, and the earth mound you're sitting on is no longer the designated hill for this game.

My hill

[Glaurung]

The hill is wherever its owner says it is.

My hill!

[Tusky]

I sneak up the hill whilst it's owner congratulates himself on a job well done. I am able to distract him by pointing out a badger with a gun.
I install a stuffed poodle teddy bear to ward off attackers.

My hill.

[Glaurung]

The badger and I discuss the situation, and launch a joint attack on the hill. The badger gets the stuffed toy (which it has long sought), and I get the hill.

My hill!