King of the Hill

[Jubal]

Now deprived of your badger ally, his fee having been paid, your hill is defenceless and my unexpected but actually wholly predictable army of friendly Georgians comes and takes over, primarily by gently socially pressuring you to try more and more varieties of wine until you are unable to defend the hill.

My hill.

[Tusky]

I spend some time sobering up. I then create an elaborate media campaign using various Georgian and worldwide media outlets. It convincingly suggests that a colossal storm featuring lots of scary things like hurricanes and floods is about to engulf Georgia. Concerned about the safety of their homes, friends and family, your army returns to where they live to purchase supplies and batten down hatches.
Now lacking any serious defences I swoop in to chase away any stragglers. Literally. Because I am riding a dining chair  supported by a small team of pigeons

My Hill.

[Jubal]

I throw food for the pigeons down away from the hill, and you are carried away as the pigeons cannot resist the siren lure of breadcrumbs.

My hill!

[Ierne]

I show up out of the blue entirely unexpectedly, and accompanied by an equally unexpected army of daleks and feral geese. You are taken by surprise and never stood a chance.

My hill.

[Tusky]

I round up a gaggle of doctor whos. They manage to yet again thwart your daleks. I lure the geese away with the promise of the breadcrumbs that Jubal used to lure away my pigeons. With no remaining defences I claim the hill, leaving a note asking nicely if the reader would kindly not invade and capture the hill, pretty please.

My hill

[Jubal]

I send in a large number of puppies to conquer the hill. They ignore your note because they can't read. You are cuddle-piled into oblivion by tiny canine fuzzballs.

My hill.

[Ierne]

i show up with 387 squirrels. your cause and your hill are lost as the puppies run to chase them. i then use a single large and very agressive squirrel to get rid of you and Tusky (presumably still there under the puppy pile).

My hill

[Jubal]

I get a large and very aggressive pine marten to eat the large and very aggressive squirrel.

My hill!

[Tusky]

I anger a ghost, and get it to chase me to the top of the hill. I then dive to one side, and hide. The ghost then very severely haunts you and the pine marten, causing you to become frightened and flee.

My hill.

[Ierne]

I show up with the entire Ghostbusters squad and that lady from Batman who can ressurect people. Your ghost is both busted and no longer dead.

My hill.

[Jubal]

I give the ghostbusters a call from somewhere on another continent, and then lock them in an entirely un-spooky and modestly pleasant apartment, which they have no clue how to deal with. The lady from Batman I persuade to return to her world because it needs her.

I then show up with the core cast of Mountain Leopards and take over the hill.

My hill.

[Tusky]

I bring along the cast from Glee to the base of the hill to sing some uplifting cover songs. The cast of mountain leopards have to leave their positions to confront the cast of Glee and avoid going mad or worse, joining in with them.

I am able to sneak up to the top of the hill whilst all that is going on.

My hill.

[Ierne]

I have noise cancelling headphones and therefore cannot hear the cast of Glee. Because of all the terrifyingly upbeat singing, you cannot hear me sneaking up the hill behind you with Princess Leia, who chases you off the hill with a laser blaster.

My hill.

[Jubal]

I utilise hokey weapons and ancient religions which prove to be superior to the laser blaster

My hill!

[Tusky]

I create a brilliant disguise from a few leaves, an elastic band and a duck whistle. Your hokey weapons and ancient religions are no match for such stealth.

My hill.