Spoil a wish

[Jubal]

You are not so tired all the time. You are so tired all the time except for the time between 3:05 and 3:17 in the morning, when you are guaranteed to have twelve minutes of being highly energetic and wide awake, so you're technically only tired most of the time.

I wish I had an extra week to catch up with myself.

[The Seamstress]

You are not so tired all the time. You are so tired all the time except for the time between 3:05 and 3:17 in the morning, when you are guaranteed to have twelve minutes of being highly energetic and wide awake, so you're technically only tired most of the time.

This is a disturbingly accurate description of how my energy works though. Sudden motivation boosts that last for maybe half an hour at around 2 am, mostly tired all day. *sobs*

I wish I had an extra week to catch up with myself.

You have an extra week to catch up with yourself! Though Yourself is already a week ahead again by the time you have caught up with yourself, and the whole thing makes no sense.

I wish my greatest secret wish would come true.

[Jubal]

Your greatest secret wish comes true. Unfortunately, which counts as the greatest secret wish is subjective and was determined by the whims of a small wild sheep living in Sardinia, which essentially means that it picks an entirely random secret wish of yours instead. The results are... unexpected.

I wish I was a small wild sheep who did not have to go to work meetings.

[The Seamstress]

You are a small wild sheep who doesn't have to go to work meetings. You have to go to sheep meetings though, discussing pasture for eight hours straight. Attendance is mandatory.

I wish I wouldn't always underestimate how long things would take me to do.

[Jubal]

You always overestimate to avoid this problem, but do so on geological timescales, and conclude that nothing is achievable at all which also doesn't work well.

I wish I understood Georgian better.

[The Seamstress]

You understand Georgian better, thanks to a magic potion sent to you by a mysterious entity. After drinking it you realise it is the wrong Georgian. You now know everything about Georgian (USA), which is probably quite useless.

I wish I could survive on potato dishes alone.

[Jubal]

You can survive on potato dishes alone, but if there's anyone else around you have to eat other things. As "anyone else" also includes the buns, this is not a very useful ability.

I wish I had a birthday week off.

[The Seamstress]

You have a birthday week off! Only one, though. You have to choose which one. Will it be your 33rd, or your 53rd or 61st? It's impossible to decide.

I wish tidying my flat wasn't so overwhelming.

[Jubal]

Tidying your flat isn't so overwhelming, because all your stuff is stolen by a goblin.

I wish my body dealt with inflammation more normally.

[The Seamstress]

Your body deals with inflammation more normally. Since the definition of "normal" can vary wildly though depending on who you ask, this has unforeseen consequences.

I wish I knew more about gardening.

[Jubal]

The tool that you use to poke little holes in soil for aeration and planting is called a dibber in English. You know know exactly one (1) more thing about gardening! However, it's not actually a very useful thing to know as you are unlikely to need to buy a dibber in an English garden centre any time soon.


I wish for all the birbs in my district to have a nice day.

[The Seamstress]

I wish for that too. Birbs should have nice days always and anywhere. No additional remarks.

I wish I would remember to drink water and stay hydrated.

[Jubal]

You remember to drink water and stay hydrated, eventually. Usually long after you should have remembered it.

I wish the next two weeks felt less horribly hectic.

[The Seamstress]

The next two weeks feel less horribly hectic. That doesn't make them less horribly hectic though.

I wish I'd be able to work on and finish things faster.