King of the Hill

[Tusky]

I disguise myself under a box and sneak up the hill. My flawless disguise works brilliantly and nobody wonders why a box is moving. At the top I burst out of the box.

My hill!

[Jubal]

I introduce a five year old child who likes opening boxes, who unveils your disguise.

My hill!

[Tusky]

I befriend Vayu, the god of air. He agrees to help me reclaim the hill by blasting everyone from the area with a mighty gale.

My hill.

[Jubal]

I befriend the Met Office, who change the forecast to sunny and calm.

My hill!

[Glaurung]

As so often, the Met Office forecast is not entirely accurate, and you are washed off the hill by an unexpected downpour.

My (rather soggy) hill!

[Jubal]

Global Warming.

My now excessively hot hill...

[Glaurung]

In its new climatic zone, the hill becomes part of a tropical jungle, and you are driven away by the incessant noise of all the animal life.

My (very noisy) hill!

[Jubal]

Hmm, I wonder who on this site might have a well known affinity for tropical insectivores who can sort out that particular issue... oh wait, it's me



My hill!

[Tusky]

The arbiters of the hill realise that they made a rather silly administrative blunder, and that the it is actually...

My hill

[Glaurung]

I appeal against the arbitrary reallocation of the hill without proper consideration of the facts, and am granted ownership.

My hill!

[Jubal]

I fire monks at your hill with a hastily constructed convenient projectile launch system.

My hill!

[Glaurung]

I ride up on my majestic fin horse, and the monks scatter in amazement.

My hill!

[Jubal]

I incite the monks to form a fin horse worshipping cult, and they come and steal the horse from you. And the hill.

My hill!

[Glaurung]

In a move with a very longstanding precedent, the horse turns out to be wooden, and hollow - I think you can guess how the rest of it goes...

My hill!

[Jubal]

Fire beats wood.

My hill!