Ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer

[The Seamstress]

Space, the final frontier.

What's so grand about the "grand scheme of things"?

[Tusky]

That there is a thousand of them.

My dog has no nose. How does he smell?

[The Seamstress]

He smells of dog, probably.

Why is there only one Mothman?

[Jubal]

All the others of his kind are actually French, so they're all les hommes-papillons-de-nuit instead.

Why don't I know the things?

[The Seamstress]

No one knows the things.

Why can't it be autumn and cold already? This heat is making me feel ill.

[Jubal]

It can't be autumn and cold already because the universe demands sacrifice.

Why Jame go ow?

[The Seamstress]

Jame go ow because Jame ill? Maybe Jame need hug.

Why ow exist?

[Tusky]

The result of a violent row; eating some gone off chow; a rampaging cow, or a pow! to the noggin.

Where can we find the fountain of youth?

[Jubal]

Wherever the youth hang out these days. Probably some horrible part of the internet.


If I can drink tea why I can't I drink other letters of the alphabet?

[The Seamstress]

They're not liquid.

Why do I still have trouble accepting myself as the weird complicated non-standard human I am?

[Jubal]

It's entirely the fault of Marjorie Plumsworth, a decidedly odious elderly lady living in a quiet part of Somerset who is in fact the nexus of all criteria of social acceptability worldwide.


What state of matter are all the other letters in?

[The Seamstress]

A to H are gaseous, I to R and S are solid. U to Z are some kind of goo scientists aren't yet sure about.

Why does nobody stop Marjorie Plumsworth? She's certainly up to no good.

[Jubal]

Everyone thinks it's someone else's job.

Whose job actually should it be to stop Marjorie Plumsworth?

[The Seamstress]

Her own. She should be held accountable for her behaviour and the effect it has on others, and think about her own internalised harmful beliefs about social acceptability. It probably all stems from her upbringing in a socially rigid environment in which any deviation was seen as weakness or cause for ridicule. Now she's stuck in a loop of up-to-no-good. But I'm not a psychologist. Think about your thinking patterns, Marjorie Plumsworth!


Why are planets round and not square?

[Jubal]

Because people kept trying to stack them on top of each other when they were square, which squashed a lot of people.

When will there be infinite cheese?