Spoil a wish

[The Seamstress]

You get the rest of your vocal range back. You've kinda overdone it though, and your vocal range is becoming huge and uncontrollable. You're talking very weirdly now.

I wish I'd get a hug every day.

[Jubal]

You get a hug every day, but you can't predict or control who you get the hug from or even whether it's from a human, which is... not great.


I wish I was not unwell in a foreign country a very long way from home.

[The Seamstress]

You're not unwell in a foreign country a very long way from home. You're foreign in an unwell country very near home.

I wish my lower back pain would just disappear.

[Jubal]

You're foreign in an unwell country very near home.

I don't think this spoils my wish, this is just a description of me being back in Austria...


Your lower back pain just disappears, by disappearing your lower back. This unfortunately creates a lot of pain everywhere adjacent to where your lower back was, and is a little bit fatal.

I wish I could focus.

[The Seamstress]

I don't think this spoils my wish, this is just a description of me being back in Austria...

Oof, lol.


You can focus! For two seconds!

I wish I could eat a very fancy strawberry cake right now.

[Jubal]

You can eat a very fancy strawberry cake. You have 100% of the capacity needed to do so. But you still don't have the cake in question, so whilst you could, it doesn't happen.

I wish semantics were simpler.

[The Seamstress]

Semantics are simpler. This is achieved by every word being replaced by "simple", so language simples simple simpler simple.

I wish rabbits could talk.

[Jubal]

Semantics are simpler. This is achieved by every word being replaced by "simple", so language simples simple simpler simple.

If I was being pedantic, I think this is syntactic simplicity rather than semantic simplicity. But also, I would have no way of being that pedantic if I had to speak only using the word simple, so maybe mission achieved?

Rabbits can talk, but in a language randomly selected from every language and dialect humans have ever spoken. They might be talking a long dead language from southern Asia, or whatever the writers of linear B spoke, or Basque, or Esperanto, or, worst of all, American English. Good luck!

I wish I was less ouchy.

[The Seamstress]

You're less ouchy, but, according to The Law Of Rhymes, you're more grouchy.

I wish I knew how to get my life together.

[Jubal]

You get your life together. It turns out your life wasn't all meant to be in one small space so this was a lot of effort that doesn't really pay off.

I wish I didn't cough so much in the mornings. It's tiring.

[The Seamstress]

You don't cough so much in the morning, you sneeze instead, which is not only more tiring but annoying too.

I wish "doing what I want all day" was a paid position.

[Jubal]

"Doing what I want all day" is a paid position, with that exact job title. Unfortunately the "I" is therefore the person hiring you, not you. This rather negates the theorised benefits.

I wish I had a friendly pangolin who was somehow magically not unhappy or stressed to live in a flat in Vienna with only a human for company.