King of the Hill

[Ladyhawk]

Come on They are rreeaallyy good muffins

[Phoenixguard09]

Missive sent to Emperor Dimos via an especially trusted and heavily laden messenger.

"I must respectfully decline your graciously offered muffins, which I am sure taste nice. As a gesture of goodwill I suggest that those muffins be shared out amongst the people of your own Hill Empire. I hope they enjoy them.

If you refuse to willingly allow me to keep autonomy of Jimbobland, I shall respond with the devastating force of my indefatiguable and famed Wombat Legions. We do not wish for your enmity but we are fully willing and able to bleed your Empire dry if you wish to persue hostilities.

Note that we are willing to trade with your Empire as we have many rare spices and materials in addition to the vaunted might of the Wombat Legions.

As an aside I would like to present the following gifts to you and your court as a gesture of good faith between our realms.

To Emperor Dimos I present a ring of friendship, adorned with the emblem of Jimbobland. A letter marked with this seal will immediately be viewed by the ruler of Jimbobland and will be responded to promptly.

To the Lady Sorceress Hawk I present a staff of the finest Jimbobland wood, carved with the likeness of the Twin Dragons who forged this hill in the Times of Fire and Blood.

To Admiral Mark Khan I present a spyglass of rare green-gold. Able to spy further than any spyglass known to man and inscribed with runes to ensure its indestructibility, this spyglass will serve you well in your expeditions.

To Baron NightAngel I present you with a full suit of Wombat Legionnaire armour, inscribed with runes of fear and might that will cause your foes to run in fear as they gaze upon your wombat-like might. Note against the Wombat Legions this armour will not have any effect as they deal with the terrifying visage of this armour on a day-to-day basis.

I end this letter with the sincere desire that these gifts will go some way to cementing friendship between these two realms and their respective rulers.

Kind regards,
King Phoenix, Lord of Jimbobland, He of the Spiffy Hat and Hair."

[Dimos]

Kind regards,
King Phoenix, Lord of Jimbobland, He of the Spiffy Hat and Hair."

Declaring yourself a king, Phoenixguard does not make you one...

To Emperor Dimos I present a ring of friendship, adorned with the emblem of Jimbobland [...]  I end this letter with the sincere desire that these gifts will go some way to cementing friendship between these two realms and their respective rulers.

I personally cease all the Gifts so as my vassals will not be corrupt by generous and precious objects. I declare the great assembly of the hall of advisors to take place. I propose that we will build a Museum and we will put all the gifts there in a chamber with the sign: ''Gifts given by Phoenixguard, a refuser of peace and a wannabe king of an unexisting land. We value not gold, but valiant acts and bravery!'' The sign I propose to be removed only if Phoenixguard lets down his claim of Kingship and join the ranks of my vassals. ALL MEMBERS OF THE HOUSE OF ADVISORS ARE ASKED TO TELL ME IF THEY AGREE WITH THE PROPOSAL PUBLICLY, for no state of was is declared by now. YOU ARE ALSO FREE TO MAKE YOUR OWN PROPOSALS FOR ONE SUBJECT THAT HAS TO DO WITH OUR STATE, ONLY via pm to me, the King.

Note that we are willing to trade with your Empire as we have many rare spices and materials in addition to the vaunted might of the Wombat Legions.

Note that your Kingdom does not exist and we have much more than some poor asutralian wombats!

[Dimos]

"I must respectfully decline your graciously offered muffins, which I am sure taste nice. As a gesture of goodwill I suggest that those muffins be shared out amongst the people of your own Hill Empire. I hope they enjoy them.

Being a rich state, since all vassals are operating perfectly toghether, we give to our population more than 8 poor muffins. We give 8 to each of them and enough grain and meat. Of course they are the producers and they take large portions of their production.

If you refuse to willingly allow me to keep autonomy of Jimbobland, I shall respond with the devastating force of my indefatiguable and famed Wombat Legions. We do not wish for your enmity but we are fully willing and able to bleed your Empire dry if you wish to persue hostilities.

We're not afraid of any beast you'll bring upon us! We are, as you may have noticed fearsome warriors. We have 4 armies put toghether! We have magicians(hawk), Mongols Cavalry (Khan), Infantry Legions (NightAngel), Sergeants and Cataphracts (Dimos) . I propose you join the ranks of archers!

Note that we are willing to trade with your Empire as we have many rare spices and materials in addition to the vaunted might of the Wombat Legions.
As an aside I would like to present the following gifts to you and your court as a gesture of good faith between our realms.

Men who hath joined in the HILL society do not trust gold more than the power of will. That's the only way we can hold peace. We must be valiant. Your proposals are trying to devestate the social form of our Empire.

[Dimos]

So what can we understand for this?

Since there is only 1 hill in this game, Jimboland does not exist and I am the only one to claim united rule over the HILL. I declare my vassals personal property and powers and I reward kindly each man who joins society under my banner!

MY HILL
This Hill is a property of King and Emperor Dimos
and his trusted vassals: the Khan, NightAngel and Ladyhawk.

Everyone who due to personal ambition declines MY MAJESTY's invitation to join forces is considered an obstacle to our fight for peace and thus he is treated accordingly. COMPLY to our rule!

[Cuddly Khan]

Pathetic wannabe king!

Submit to my rule! And Jimboland does not exist! All hillians are affectionate to their master for I am the only ruler to inspire peace and lasting stability over the HILL. You remind me of Ladyhawk, the royal sorceress who at first refused to join the mighty empire of Dimos!

You will be brought before me in chains, by the vassal police unless you declare yourself a loyal ally. Seek for my protection and you will be saved from the savage fury of my vassal army! I remind you that the East and the North Tower are still asking for a vassal to enter them! You can also get some titles and some amount of power within the HILL empire!

Submit yourself to me and PAX DIMANA will be almost a certainty! Submit and get the taste of Victory, the taste of co-operation!

OUR HILL

Your very much starting to sound like Julias Cesar... and we all know what happened to him. We've received a message from another kingdom wanting peace and you declined and said he has to be crushed; he sends presents and you lock them away from us. You sent me to look for allies and you make war with someone who wants to be our ally. Dimos; I hope you rot on that plagued hill of distrust. Phoenix; I hope you will accept me as your loyal vassal. On a side note, I've found a huge land mass. I will hereby declare it Terra Australis the land of Phoenix.

Oh and by the way.

OUR HILL!!!

[Phoenixguard09]

Missive sent to Emperor Dimos via another trusted messenger.

Spoiler

"Greetings Emperor Dimos,
Ruler of the Hill Empire,

How dare you sir, impugn upon my right to rule and the skill and ferocity of the Wombat Legions and withdraw the graciously offered gifts from their respective owners.  If you will not grant those gifts to their rightful possessors, I will send in the fabled Bilby Shadow Walkers to re-take them and present them to the offended parties.  You have been warned and it will be the pleasure of my troops to demonstrate to you the few weaknesses in your castle's defence.

If you refuse the hand of friendship I have no choice but to extend nothing but my deepest condolences towards your lack of reason.

It is through the desire for peace that I offer the gift of trade and prosperity between our realms, not through any attempt to destabilise your Empire. If you do not see the benefit trade with Jimbobland will give you, then perhaps you lack the foresight required to be a successful ruler.

Your misguided statements about the existence of only one hill just show your lack of reason. In the whole world, you seriously postulate there is but one hill? Madness!

Jimbobland may be relatively small but this realm is growing at a phenomenal rate, with citizens eager to push for a brighter tomorrow with peace and prosperity for all. It is not through any wrong-headed lust for power or ambition that I resist your tyrannical rule but through a desire for autonomy. We may not be powerful enough to emerge victorious against your hordes but with the added forces of Mark Khan's fleet and cavalry, Jimbobland's Wombat Legions will drain your Empire dry.

Cordially Yours,
King Phoenix, Lord of Jimbobland, He of the Spiffy Hat and Hair."

Missive sent to Admiral Mark Khan via yet another trusted messenger upon a Salty.

Spoiler

"It is with great pleasure that I accept your fealty as a Lord of this great realm. I hereby grant you lordship of the Port City which has been appropriately been renamed Khanville. From here you will be able to oversee the success of our mighty fleets.  In addition it is my sincere delight to present to you a fully outfitted ship of the line, replete with a hardy and disciplined Kangacrew, multiple cannon ports and Salty dispersal points at the stern to allow you to deploy the shock weapon of the Jimbobland Navy against any foe you meet.

Please send word if these arrangements are not to your satisfaction and I will see to it that the funds of Jimbobland are put to fulfilling your needs.

In addition to this, I must express my thanks in your efforts to discovering the landmass of Terra Australis. I will enter negotiations with the nearby Warlord Jubal as to his position in any upcoming conflict.

In my first royal decree to you as my faithful subject, I request that you make port in Khanville so as to be on hand should trouble arise. I trust that your famed Mongol Cavalry, have joined you in your valourous quest to join with us? If so I will grant you full access to the Wombat Legion's Armoury so as to make sure that your forces are equipped to the highest standard.

Kind regards,
King Phoenix, Your Liege-Lord, He of the Spiffy Hat and Hair."

Missive sent to the Warlord Jubal via a trusted and particularly brave messenger who has had to cross large distances upon Emuback.

Spoiler

"Greetings Warlord Jubal,

I have recently come into possession of a great deal of land, a whole new landmass which has been discovered by my recently acquired Admiral, the famed and feared Mark Khan. As it is in the interests of both our realms to be tied closely by friendship, I propose that Jimbobland grant you and your realm land upon the coast of this newly discovered Terra Australis. I am sure that this will lead to a great era of trade between our realms.

I await your response with eagerness,

Kind regards,
King Phoenix, Lord of Jimbobland, He of the Spiffy Hat and Hair."

[Phoenixguard09]

OOC: Hey Dimos and his vassals, I've been thinking what if we did a Warband mod with the respective forces of Jimbobland and the Hill Empire? Then we could actually make war with each other through the Multiplayer. What say you?

[Dimos]

Message to Khan:
What? Mutiny!

I'll remind you another passage from the Roman History Khan: ''Warus, give me back my legions'' . Augustus even after his army was crushed by the Germans remained a Glorious and majestic ruler!

''Khan, give me back my three ships I donated you for your travel ! ''

I recall you to legality. Phoenixguard was not a king. If you join him and thus you recognise his superiority over you, you make him one. But this game has just a HILL. so you can't claim dominion elsewere!

I will never be the one to start a war, for I declare and believe in peace. PAX DIMANA will come, even if you don't want it to come!

I say you this: I will have a trial on you for High treason, Khan! Unless you re-chant and denounce this wannabe king, Phoenixguard, you will be convicted on absence.

To the rest of my vassals I say this: I demand you stay on alert for the HILL is in jeopardy! A state of war is what we are in now... I am glad to hear of any proposals about what the South tower will be used for, since it's all the property the Khan held within our realm.

[Dimos]

Message to Phoenixguard09:
This is your last chance to live in peace with us! I declare you this:

If you accept the Khan as your vassal and deny to accept my IMPERIAL ORDER over your personal dominion, then I consider you a breaker of peace, for NATURE hath shown to any man that whence he refuses to join a PEACEFUL REALM out of personal ambition, he puts himself in a state of WAR with this realm, and he denies legality.

FEAR THE VENGEANCE of the vassal army! Some wombats won't do a scar to my glorious generals! I still command 2 armies and I must confess I never expected the Khan to betray the HILL EMPIRE. All men who will join DIMOS on his quest for HILL PEACE will be rewarded not by gold, but by glorious possitions in the sphere of Science, Knowledge and Military Command.

As an old saying over our HILL says: ''Gold hath betrayed our Lord, gold hath made you a traitor'' . If you and the Khan refuse to comply with my rule over the HILL I will consider you traitors of the HILL social structure.

If the game had not only a hill and it included more places, I would have been able to accept you as my vassal, just as the Holy Roman Emperor of Germany accepted the King of Bohemia as his fellow. My Kingship is nothing more than glorious slavery, thus I only wish for peace, and peace can't be achieved when you have 2 fragmented kingdoms.

Signed,
King and Emperor Dimos of the HILL empire.

[Dimos]

Message to NightAngel and Ladyhawk:
Trusted allies! Do not let the hill be vanished in CHAOS!

We still have the majority of forces! Since I declare a state of WAR, you must be ready at any time to act in defence of our dominion. In a state of war we must be quick, strict and decisive.

I ask you to pm me your opinions about my proposals and stay on alert! the docks and the towers shall sing our glorious war anthems and install patrols, for a possible upcoming agression from the outside!

OUR HILL and your last chance to COMPLY, PG and Khan!

[Phoenixguard09]

Missive sent to Emperor Dimos via trusted messenger.

Spoiler

"Greetings Emperor Dimos,

With regret I must bring into question your sanity. It appears to me, as ruler of Jimbobland and so therefore, your equal in matters of respect that power has corrupted your worthy cause. It cannot be denied that your goals are to be admired however your methods in obtaining them speak of a lack of restraint.

Power corrupts. Absolute power corrupts absolutely.

You may consider the Admiral Mark Khan a traitor but he is only doing what he believes to be just.  A traitor to your cause he may be, but an honourable man he remains. He refused to betray his principals and has chosen to live as a good man in both peace and war.

If you wish to enter hostilities with us, we will treat you honourably as a worthy foe. If you recant your aggressive and insulting statements, we will treat you as a friend and ally, allowing our realms to enter into a joint golden age.

As the old Jimbobland saying goes, "Mess not with the Wombat, for they are nasty and quick to anger."

Kind regards,
King Phoenix, Lord of Jimbobland, He of the Spiffy Hat and Hair."

[Dimos]

Fellow PG.

It seams you do not wish to COMPLY. I will speak openly to the public as I always did: I am and I was never a total monarch. We have a parliament in our state, the Royal Chamber of advisors.

It seams that another one of my vassals or possibly both are agreeing with the idea of an alliance. I personaly prefer doom than the lack of stable and lasting peace. I might need to rethink of possibly recognising you as a ruler, just to stabilize the interior affairs of my state. But has a man the power to accept terms that will reduce the general stability of the world?

I have no guards in a place called Jimboland and I never acted as a TOTAL monarch. I just declare my self a passionate lover of PEACE.

I wish to listen to my vassals for that. If they want a peace to save their bodies and their properties, I deny to comply with it. We have never asked the number of our enemies in battle thus far. I can only comply to a peace state, a state of equality of all men and superiority only by majorities and numbers.


Signed, King and Emperor Dimos of the HILL empire.

[Cuddly Khan]

OK than. You said that there is only one hill... that will soon change.

[Captain Carthage]

Meanwhile in Khan's mind...

We'er going to have our own hill. With blackjack, and stripers.