Ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer

[The Seamstress]

But you are born again. Your Astral Body is Renewed in The Omniversous Cosmic Plain, filled with The Force of The Goddess Of Cheeses, Elevating your Whole Being into the Enlightened State of The New Life Year Full Of Cheese.

If a cheese wheel rolls off a shelf and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?

[Jubal]

Yes, the sound is Sheogorath giggling.

Tea?

[The Seamstress]

Tea.

Cake?

[Jubal]

No.

(This is a stupid answer, because the non-stupid answer is of course "yes")


Whence do the liminal spaces lie, that are ruled by the Grabjula of Fertherwhet, who proclaims the fate of porcupine and pixie alike from her throne of beans?

[The Seamstress]

The backrooms.

Why do people say hurtful things to me in my dreams? I didn't sign up for this when I went to sleep.

[Jubal]

They are mind controlled by the infinite dream sheep.

Why can't I be in two places at once?

[The Seamstress]

There's only one of you! You'd need to have a clone, but technically it wouldn't be you that would be in another place, but your clone, wouldn't it? Is your clone really you, or a different person? These philosophical questions occupy your mind(s) so much that being in two places at once doesn't do anything anyway.

Why do I keep buying books when I haven't even read all the books I already own?

[Jubal]

Because the spirit of Umberto Eco lives on within us all.

If there is a Norway at the top of Europe, why isn't Italy, Greece or Portugal called Sudway at the other end?

[The Seamstress]

They voted against it because it sounded too silly, bad for tourism.

Why do I crave All The Cosiness?

[Jubal]

Because the Siness and the Tanness were already taken.


Why do I persist in wanting to be healthier than my body allows me to be?