King of the Hill

[Jubal]

I implement Operation Bay of Pigs II: Pig Harder and bring MURICA into the war.

My hill!

[DeepCandle Games]

I assault your porky ruler-ship with an attacking force of butchers and farmers!
We feast on your remains and feed the scraps to our various pets!

My Hill!

[Jubal]

There is a religious revolution and all your pork butchers go out of busines.

My hill!

[comrade_general]

Cows with guns.

Cow hill.

[Jubal]

The cows are too successful and eat all the grass on the hill, dislodging its sides and collapsing it.

I gather up the soil and build a hill.

My hill!

[comrade_general]

That "soil" was the cow dung. No one wants to live on your hill. I find a fresh, clean hill.

My new hill.

[Jubal]

I breed an army of dung flies on my dung-hill and conquer your hill with a fly plague.

My hill!

[DeepCandle Games]

I spray your army with pesticides and capture the hill in an airtight suit, My Hill.

[Glaurung]

My army of scarabs divides the hill into many scarab-sized balls, rolls them away and reassembles the hill under my control.

My hill!

[Jubal]

My Egyptians flatter your scarabs into leaving by worshipping them. I move into the unoccupied hill.

[DeepCandle Games]

An angry Hobbit who dwells in your hill shoos you off angrily, but I offer to cater a meal for him and he grants me the hill out of gladness!

My hill!

[Jubal]

I cunningly plant a wizard who takes the hobbit off on an adventure, at which point I falsify some legal documents that allow me to move into his hill and claim all his spoons.

My hill!

[DeepCandle Games]

I tamper with the small print and regain ownership of the hill!

My hill!

[Jubal]

I hire a better lawyer.

My hill!

[Glaurung]

I occupy the hill unnoticed for long enough, and gain it by the Roman law right of usucaption.

My hill!

(And no, you can't have the usufruct of it either!)