Author Topic: Spoil a wish  (Read 119105 times)

Jubal

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Re: Spoil a wish
« Reply #1215 on: May 02, 2020, 05:39:26 PM »
You are obliged to do all these things simultaneously for ever. Your existence becomes an unending warped dream, as food is pumped into your body by a machine but you stay permanently asleep. The dream is of the people you love, unchanging, never able to grow or flourish or improve, and it loops, day by day. Meanwhile your permanently asleep body is technically DMing an RPG, though its ability to do so is limited by the fact that you are permanently asleep which limits your engagement with the players.

I wish I had a violin and the ability to play it.
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Ierne

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Re: Spoil a wish
« Reply #1216 on: May 02, 2020, 08:13:33 PM »
You have a violin and the ability to play it, but never both at the same time. You are cursed to either torment your neighbours with screechy versions of three blind mice, or stare longingly at your violin, knowing that right now you could play concertos, but that the ability will vanish when you pick it up.

I wish I could realise I am procrastinating at the time, rather than 3 hours later when it suddenly occurs to me that I haven't done anything

Jubal

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Re: Spoil a wish
« Reply #1217 on: May 02, 2020, 08:24:55 PM »
You realise you are procrastinating at the time, but procrastinate over doing anything about this realisation, leading to you in a worse state due to your procrastination now being painfully self aware.

I wish I could have a chat with some of the characters from stories I've written.
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Ierne

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Re: Spoil a wish
« Reply #1218 on: August 13, 2020, 12:00:14 AM »
You can. Unfortunately, the characters from your stories ask you such deep metaphysical questions about the nature of reality and their own existance, the question of free will and determinism in fictional worlds, and how much jam costs in Uzbekistan, that you get confused and spend the next week firmly convinced that you are, in fact, a small jar of Uzbekistani marmalade.

I wish I could get Chinese takeaway at 3am without waking my housemates up.

Jubal

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Re: Spoil a wish
« Reply #1219 on: August 14, 2020, 11:11:09 AM »
You can, but unfortunately it's 3am on Chinese time, which is 8pm in the UK and a perfectly normal time to get Chinese takeaway.

I wish my ocarina wasn't a quarter of a semitone out of tune.
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Ierne

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Re: Spoil a wish
« Reply #1220 on: August 21, 2020, 02:37:42 AM »
your ocarina is no longer out of tune, because it is no longer a musical instrument- reality has been shaped to my perception of it, namely a wild misunderstanding of the zelda games, which i do not actually play, and all ocarinas are now magical time portals and also do not actually exist.


I wish the people who write fantasy tv shows and reboots always got the continuity perfect.

Glaurung

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Re: Spoil a wish
« Reply #1221 on: August 21, 2020, 10:23:27 AM »
People who write fantasy TV shows can get the continuity perfect - but with an effect like quantum uncertainty, so that removing every last imperfection takes an infinite length of time, and so the show is never released.

I wish there was more bacon.

Tusky

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Re: Spoil a wish
« Reply #1222 on: August 25, 2020, 11:39:26 AM »
There is more bacon, but it is all rotten.

I currently type at an ok speed, but I wish I could type a few words a minute more quickly.
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Jubal

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Re: Spoil a wish
« Reply #1223 on: August 25, 2020, 03:45:06 PM »
You can type a few words a minute more quickly than you would otherwise have done, which unfortunately messes up your life because you didn't need a whole minute to write those words and now you risk time travelling and destroying your past if you send short text messages: furthermore, if you type more than a few words, you're back to normal speed.

I wish I was a better virtual pub landlord and could actually serve people drinks over video chat.
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Glaurung

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Re: Spoil a wish
« Reply #1224 on: September 19, 2020, 10:20:06 PM »
You can serve drinks over video chat. Unfortunately, your recipients' systems are not set up for DOIP (the "drinks over IP" service), so the drinks end up dribbling out of headphones and screens. Your "customers" are unhappy about this.

I wish cooking my own food didn't mean having to do washing-up.

Baragon

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Re: Spoil a wish
« Reply #1225 on: September 19, 2020, 11:59:37 PM »
You no longer require washing up as all of your kitchenware cleans itself as you empty the contents into plates and bowls, while all of your plates and bowls clean themselves while you eat off of them. Unfortunately this is because your kitchen is an unstable point in spacetime and creatures from other dimensions and realities are stealing your food. You now have to eat off the floor to avoid this problem, but your kitchenware is remarkably spotless. You can even see your face in it!

I wish all cities were planned and designed to perfect function, and with beautiful construction in mind reflecting the culture that established them.
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Jubal

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Re: Spoil a wish
« Reply #1226 on: September 20, 2020, 12:47:05 PM »
All cities are beautifully crafted and designed to perfectly function. As dishwashers. They're not very good for actually living in now.

I wish it was easier to look up obscure bits of wetland folklore.
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Tusky

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Re: Spoil a wish
« Reply #1227 on: September 20, 2020, 05:37:27 PM »
It is 1% easier to look up, however the dryland folklore is 1% more difficult as a result. Neither of these changes are very noticeable.

I wish that the Tyrannosaurus Rex had been instead called the Tyrannosaurus Regina
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Ierne

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Re: Spoil a wish
« Reply #1228 on: September 29, 2020, 12:10:21 AM »
The tyrannosaurus rex was called the tyrannosaurus regina, which is indeed a better name for a dinosaur. unfortunately, this deeply offended Regina, a somewhat fierce paleontologist who assumed it was named after her. In her annoyedness, she had it renamed the tyrannosaurus Wuffles, after the curator's very annoying small dog, which is a terrible name for a dinosaur.

I wish that I felt resolute and full of energy when I woke up in the morning, as opposed to right before I'm ready to go to sleep.

Tusky

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Re: Spoil a wish
« Reply #1229 on: October 09, 2020, 03:53:26 PM »
To achieve this, you sleep for an extra hour in the morning. In this hour you relive the hour leading up to going to bed - allowing you to have that feeling of resoluteness and energy before you wake.

I wish that I had 5 wispa bars.
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