Spoil a wish

[The Seamstress]

Now it does. So fast, in fact, you wish you never had wished your wish.


I wish I were really good at singing.

[Jubal]

You become so good at singing that it drives people mad much like a siren, and have to spend far too much time explaining why anyone within earshot loses brain function and vaguely mesmerically wanders in your direction, screwing up whatever they were supposed to be doing (car singing is definitely out of the question). It's a real pain.

I wish I had a second key for my flat again.

[The Seamstress]

You have a second key, but a pigeon comes in through an open window one day and steals both of your keys. Your landlord refuses to install a new lock and give you new keys so you're at the mercy of the pigeons. They have a strange sense of humour so they lock you out sometimes, randomly.


I wish my rabbits could talk.

[Jubal]

I would still pick the pigeons over my landlord though.

Your rabbits can talk: they both speak fluent Akkadian.

I wish my brain had more creative spoons.

[The Seamstress]

There are now so many creative spoons! They are so creative actually that some of them get really artificially affected and start their own artistic avant-garde society in your brain, discussing postmodernism in the premodern postancient world and how this affects postpostmodernist artists who postponed their postpostmodern phase in order to post more social media posts hoping it will make them famous in a future postpostmodern postmodern prepostpostpostmodern art movement, and now you're confused and don't get anything creative done anyway because they're tyrants and they look down on you from their artificially affected avant-garde artist high horses. (Who also happen to be higher than they should be.)


I wish the world was greener and generally leafier.

[Jubal]

The world is now just a single very large cabbage. This is inconvenient in many ways, not least because cabbages are not well structured to be planets and the resulting leaf quakes destroy all life on earth

I wish I felt less socially wibbly

[The Seamstress]

You feel less socially wibbly! You feel socially wobbly instead.


I wish I were more normal.

[Jubal]

You are distributed in a perfect bell curve. This is sadly still a weird shape and actually very inconvenient for life, but also mathematically perfectly normal.


I wish I knew what best to say to people

[The Seamstress]

You know what best to say to people, but only in Latin. You don't know what best to say to demons though, and end up summoning one by accident. His name is Gus. He eats all your Pringles while angrily glaring at you and then dissolves into a cloud of dust.


I wish life wouldn't be so complicated and exhausting and scary.

[Jubal]

Life is not so complicated and exhausting and scary, it's instead complicated and exhausting and not at all scary, a situation which leads to you not having very good reactions to what should be frightening situations and leads to you ultimately getting eaten by a cyber-tiger on the rough, tough streets of New Athens in 2029.

I wish I could add milk to my tea by magic without needing to go all the way to the fridge to get the milk.

[The Seamstress]

You can magically add milk to your tea without going to the fridge, but that requires having a magic cow always standing next to you wherever you are. She's cranky though, so the milk will be sour at times.

I wish I were an anthropomorphic (human-sized) fluffy white bunny wearing a pretty dress and hat, sitting under a tree and eating strawberry cake.

[Jubal]

You achieve your wish! Sadly the world is poorly adapted for rabbit-people so you find a variety of things from passports to toilet use rather tricky, and also you get mobbed by the less pleasant end of the furry community wherever you go.

I wish I could magically soothe people's mental angsts.

[The Seamstress]

You do. Unfortunately because no one is frightened anymore, everyone gets eaten by a cyber-tiger on the rough, tough streets of New Athens in 2029.

I wish the bunnies would help me with some household tasks, they live in my flat for free after all.

[Jubal]

The bunnies help with the washing up, but as they lack opposable thumbs this leads to more breakages than it's worth by some margin.

I wish that I made wiser decisions in life and had consequently fewer regrets.

[The Seamstress]

You only make the wisest decisions in life but that leads to your life becoming incredibly dull and boring. Which you'd consequently probably regret.


I wish I knew what people think.