King of the Hill

[Jubal]

The Orcs are wiped out by an unexpected disease contracted from poorly sanitised club handles.

My hill!

[Glaurung]

In the absence of their host species (orcs), the disease bacteria are forced to evolve their own civilisation, and continue to occupy their ancestral homeland.

Their hill!

[Jubal]

I bring the Highly Evolved Disease Bacteria the notion of democracy. They elect me president.

My hill!

[Glaurung]

At the inauguration ceremony, the bacteria accidentally infect their new president, who turns out to have no resistance to them. After much communal grieving for their lost hero of democracy, they elect a bacterium as the next president.

Their hill!

[Jubal]

The bacterium president shuts all outside influences out of the hill on grounds of security against viruses. Nothing gets in, nothing goes out. This ends up including food and air, thus exterminating the population.

As I am dead, I cannot claim the hill.

The hill is empty.

[Glaurung]

In my wanderings, I come upon the empty, unclaimed hill. It is a stronghold with many tunnels and fortifications. I seize it as my own.

My hill!

[Jubal]

I am still dead, and therefore incapable of claiming a hill.

Glaurung's hill!

[Caradìlis]

I am a powerful witch. One day, I pass a hill with a dead Jubal lying in front of it. I use necromancy to raise him and enthrall him to conquer the hill for me (which for some inexplicable reason somehow works)...

My hill

[Jubal]

Ah, I appear to be no longer dead. Also, my summoned fireproof beings from the dark realm of K'alsaau which Othko froze with his superior willpower on page fifty of this thread have finally unfrozen with the passage of time, and rescue me from thralldom because they're nice like that. And it seems I just conquered a hill.

My hill!

[Tusky]

I begin to recount an exciting tale about how I once needed to clean some bricks that Sam Bullough needed to use in an extension to his union office - but I did not have access to conventional cleaning tools.

For some inexplicable reason Jubal and his adopted fireproof beings from the dark realm of K'alsaau fall asleep.

My hill.

[Jubal]

I wake up after a brief nightmare, to find that your lack of conventional cleaning tools has led you to fall ill from a badly sanitised telephone.

My hill!

[Tusky]

I make a loud clap with my hands which badly startles you

My hill.

[Jubal]

I make a vorpal sword, forged in the blazing heart of a dying monster from steel reaped from the farthest moons of the galaxy, with my hands which badly startles you

My hill

[Caradìlis]

I shatter the vorpal sword with the power of my will... I am notibly stubborn and no weapon can stand against my mind...

My hill

[Jubal]

Unfortunately, you are now in a room full of sharp bits of broken vorpal sword, and are also somewhat clumsy. Whilst you are working out how to deal with this problem, I reclaim the hill.

My hill!