Fortunately, Unfortunately

[Glaurung]

Unfortunately, a ton of angry cow doesn't need rational thought to make its feelings clear.

[Jubal]

Fortunately, a ton of angry cow is removed for relying on pre-decimal measurement.

[Glaurung]

Unfortunately, another (perhaps slightly less heavy and more metric) cow is enraged by the removal of its friend.

[Tusky]

Fortunately Gary, the bos whisperer is on hand to soothe and calm the bovine threat

[Jubal]

Unfortunately, Gary now has a cow army.

[Tusky]

Fortunately he will only ever use his cow force for good. Like helping nuns reach their milk quotas

[Jubal]

Unfortunately, there are now a lot of nuns with unexpected spare time, which some of them will use for nefarious deeds.

[Ierne]

Fortunately, a nun's idea of nefarious deeds is mainly limited to leaving the lid off the jam and borrowing Maureen's knitting needles without asking her first.

[Jubal]

Unfortunately, Maureen needed her needles to fight off the minions of galactic warlord Zircon the Dark and save the earth.

[Ierne]

fortunately, the minions of galactic warlord Zircon the Dark are allergic to lavender room spray, and Maureen still has plenty of that

[Tusky]

Unfortunately the brand Maureen is widely known to cause cow-rage. Gary is helpless as his vast cow army charges in to battle the minions of Zircon the Dark. A vast and epic pitched conflict ensues with poor old Earth caught in the middle.

[Jubal]

Fortunately Zircon the Dark doesn't want to destroy the earth. He keeps his rare bottlecap collection there.

[Ierne]

Unfortunately Zircon the Dark's Rare Bottle Cap Collection is so rare and excellent that it is wanted by bounty hunters from across many galaxies, all of whom simultaneously converge on Earth.

[Tusky]

Fortunately the bounty hunters are all the same size, colour and shape as blades of grass. The cow army gleefully gobbles them up, before dispersing to pursue different cow-ly duties

[Jubal]

Unfortunately, RAZOR SNAILS