King of the Hill

[Jubal]

YOU SCARED THE WOMBATS YOU MONSTER

I and ten thousand angry Steve Irwin fans storm the hill, enraged at your callous disregard for the natural world. We dig a new moat and fill it with happy crocodiles, and plant trees up the slopes in which koalas, quolls and numbats gambol playfully. I live in a small treehouse at the top.

My hill!

[Tusky]

That sounds quite pleasant actually. I go off to console Stallone, Lundgren, Schwarzenegger et al

Jubal's Hill

[Jubal]

I continue resting in my treehouse. I like my treehouse. The world is peaceful and good. I even invite Tusky and Stallone et al around for tea and we watch majestic herds of wallabies bouncing across the distant plains together.

My hill 

[Ierne]

I arrive bringing scones and fruitcake to have with the tea

Still Jubal's hill, but now With Scones

[Jubal]

I eat some scones and serve tea to everyone

My hill of peace and teatime

[Tusky]

ENOUGH OF THIS.

I summon forth jack frost, who at my behest storms the tranquility of the hill with a blizzard and snowpeople.

My hill

[Jubal]

I summon Jack Sh!t, who storms your hill with, uh, his own unique equivalents to Jack Frost's powers.

My (clothespeg firmly on nose) hill!

[Tusky]

I use your S to summon the Golothan from the film: Dogma. Being in it's element it hurls S about and causes an even greater stench than a peg is able to withstand, causing you to flee.

I then use a flamethrower to incinerate the top layer of the hill to try and get rid of the pong, and then install it as a defensive installation. I also spray a bit of febreeze about to try in vain to remove the smell of toasted S

My hill.

[Jubal]

I summon Jack Straw, who has you seized and taken to a secure location under authoritarian New Labour anti-terror laws for your use of a flamethrower.

My hill

[Tusky]

I disguise myself as a different victorian mammoth in order to escape confinement. Once free I unleash a horde of bees upon the hill.

My hill

[Jubal]

I unleash a horde of wasps, which unlike bees are assholes and thus win the battle.

My hill!

[Ierne]

i bring a lot of sugar jars, which the wasps immediately all crawl into.

My hill!

[Glaurung]

I bring a lot of sugar jar lids, which I screw firmly onto the jars, trapping the satiated wasps. I then ship the wasps, jars, lids and all to a very distant hill where the wasps can be safely released. I then bring in a conventional military force, and refortify the hill, using existing and new defences.

My hill!

[Tusky]

I counter your conventional weapons with extremely unconventional ones. I take out the first row of defences using a Hydro rainbow laser. I then use: splendid lasso of heightened quantum +1 to incapacitate the remainder.   I scale the hill with the new defence force: Buckaroo Banzai riding a plasmic griffon whilst he is simultaneously playing electric guitar and practicing karate moves.

My hill

[Jubal]

I send in Dandelion from the Witcher to have a bard-off with Buckaroo Banzai, which he wins due to not being distracted by practising karate. I gather a large band of bards and we take over the hill.

My hill!