Spoil a wish

[The Seamstress]

You can stop coughing more easily, but only through a magic ritual that requires a very secret secret ingredient that's so secret not even the most secret of the secret scriptures in the most secret secret libraries know what it is.

I wish I knew the secret ingredient and could magically heal your illness. 

[Tusky]

You learn the secret ingredient, but it requires 8 kilos of pure gold to craft.

I wish I knew an alchemist

[The Seamstress]

You know an alchemist! Or so you thought. Turns out they're just an ordinary ol' chemist.

I wish there was a meadow with sheep on it in front of my house instead of ugly concrete & parking lots.

[Jubal]

There is a meadow with sheep on it in front of your house! This is achieved by moving your house to a very remote part of Tyrol, which is sort of nice but you do lose your job and ability to obtain sustenance, and get wrapped up in a long legal battle with local government for unlicensed planning in magically moving a building.

I wish screen time did not strain my eyes.

[The Seamstress]

Screen time doesn't strain your eyes! It strains everything else though, resulting in you transforming into one giant eye-being to survive. This is very concerning.

I wish I could move out of this flat sooner.

[Jubal]

You can! Having neglected to wish for somewhere else to move into, though, you mostly now live in brush shelters, moving frequently to find new pastures for you equally houseless buns.

I wish I was better at remembering to rest my eyes and do bits of exercise during office days.

[Tusky]

You rest your eyes so deeply, that you in fact, doze off. You then wake up in a panic and do a couple of laps of the office. You are given a telling off for your strange behaviour.

I wish I had remembered to take the tuna steaks out of the freezer yesterday so they had time to defrost for dinner

[Jubal]

You remembered to take the tuna steaks out of the freezer yesterday, but as I'm responding to this two days late, that was on the 11th, an extra day later than when you needed to remember.

I wish I didn't have eye floaters.

[The Seamstress]

You don't have eye floaters, you now have foot floaters, which means your feet ignore gravity and float, dragging you upwards. You now have to live upside down, giving you a new perspective on life but also a lot of headaches.

I wish a fairy would visit me to grant me three wishes (and actually fulfil them).

[Jubal]

A fairy visits you to grant three wishes, but not to you, to the buns. We are now all at their long-eared mercy.

I wish my office's water supplies worked reliably.

[The Seamstress]

Your office's water supplies work reliably! Their business hours are 9 pm to 5 am.

I wish we had global cooling instead of global warming.

[Jubal]

We have global cooling: unfortunately this means everyone thinks it's OK to use maximum fossil fuels again, and the world gets wrecked by oil wars.

I wish I could do more things at the same time.

[The Seamstress]

You can do more things at the same time! It's creating a rift in the chronological order of the universe though. Time and space breaking down doesn't exactly help you to do things.

I wish Mirabelle the bunny would let me brush and de-floof her instead of being all fussy and running away.

[Jubal]

Mirabelle no longer flees but now demands constant brushing and is very upset and noisy when you don't do it, even at night, which also creates problems.

I wish I had a better mandolin.

[The Seamstress]

You have a better mandolin, or at least: you thought you did. Unfortunately due to a typo the shop delivered a bitter mandolin instead. It is permanently grumpy and hates everyone and everything, making it a very unpleasant instrument to play and listen to.

I wish my flat would just tidy and clean itself.