Spoil a wish

[Jubal]

Forming healthier life habits isn't so difficult. Sticking to them unfortunately still is.

I wish I had spent today doing more useful things than making a guesswork spreadsheet for a set of minor internal elections that nobody will be interested in.

[The Seamstress]

You spent today doing more useful things than making a guesswork spreadsheet, though it was useful by hamster standards, meaning you spent the day collecting food in your cheeks while looking silly and cute.

I wish my life felt more magical.

[Jubal]

Your life feels more magical! Unfortunately the magic in question is fairy prank magic and now you can never find anything in your house and your milk keeps curdling weirdly.

I wish I was better at humaning

[The Seamstress]

You're better at humaning. Still most other humans are bad at humaning, so you feel quite out of place.

I wish it was autumn all year round.

[Jubal]

It is autumn all year round. This causes mass ecosystem collapse because of the lack of a summer, and everyone starves.

I wish I felt more comforted by existence.

[The Seamstress]

You feel more comforted by existence. Existence doesn't really do anything though, it just exists, so no one can be sure if being comforted by existence is of any use, or if this makes any sense since I'm unable to come up with anything more intelligent to spoil your wish with.

I wish someone would cook two healthy meals for me per day.

[Jubal]

Someone cooks two healthy meals for you per day. They unfortunately prepare them in random locations around the globe so you end up constantly jet-setting to try and find your food.

I wish we spent more money on trying to combat annoying chronic illnesses

[The Seamstress]

I wish we spent more money trying to combat annoying chronic illnesses, too. Let's not spoil that.

I wish October had 62 days instead of just 31.

[Jubal]

October has 62 days, but this is achieved by redefining "day" to be a 12 hour period instead of a 24 hour period for the month. We're also still obliged to work normal numbers of those days, so we often have to work two eight hour shifts in a 24 hour period and we all die of exhaustion.

I wish food didn't spoil if I forgot to put it back in the fridge.

[The Seamstress]

Food doesn't spoil if you forget to put it back in the fridge. Everything in the fridge spoils instead.

I wish the bunnies would contribute to paying for their food.

[Jubal]

The bunnies contribute to paying for their food by producing so much bunny poop that it is a viable commercially saleable manure source. Unfortunately a) this means you need to feed them even more and b) your life involves a lot more shovelling bunny poop.

I wish I could have a little nap at work more easily.

[The Seamstress]

You can have a little nap at work more easily! This requires one of your clones to work while you nap, though. He's not as good at James-ing as you, the original James, and people get a little irritated when he starts campaigning to paint every single thing including walls, floors, ceilings etc. green. You have a lot of explaining to do when you wake up.

I wish I had courage to say the things I'd like to say more often.

[Jubal]

You reliably have the courage to say the things you'd like to say every day for several hours. Unfortunately these are the hours 6am-8am and 10pm-2am, which means it's rather rare that you get to say those things when there are other people around still.

I wish my brain didn't freeze so much when I can't decide between too many things to do.

[The Seamstress]

Your brain doesn't freeze, it burns and melts instead.

I wish I'd get more hugs.

[Jubal]

You get more hugs but they're from randomly selected strangers and it's all deeply awkward.

I wish I could reliably remember to buy all the stuff I need for my flat at the moment.